Edit: I meant 24F
So I have known this woman for a couple years but didn’t really talk to her much outside of gaming with friends. She’s a friends ex, which the relationship ended 6 months ago.
I saw her playing a game a few months ago, knowing she didn’t have many friends and no longer dating the guy she made many mutual friends though, which she stopped gaming with due to it. So I simply told her, basically that she’s welcome to invite me or others, just cuz she’s not dating my friend doesn’t mean she’s immediately garbage yaknow.
Fast forward a few months of casual talking and gaming (maybe a couple times a month), I said it would be cool to hangout and game someday, to which she agreed and would be down. Eventually she asked for my snap, and we started talking a lot more. Easily 10-15 messages a day about various topics.
For the next 2 weeks, we would talk about practically anything, family, friends, hobbies, music, games, pets, anything. Whenever asking anything personal, I’d always say “feel free to not answer if it makes you uncomfortable”, because I didn’t want that ever.
One of the things we even talked about, 2-3 days ago, was how important communication is in family and relationships. How people can greatly misunderstand something and hurt their own feelings. And I said, people can ask me any questions cuz I’d rather them ask something crazy than to have their feelings hurt and think wrongly of me.
Yesterday, I said “would you ever want to trade nudes? Idk if you even find me attractive though” , and she simply said she doesn’t send nudes and she does find me attractive with smiley emoji.
Today, upon waking up and talking, we talked about various topics as usual and then I was just curious like “feel free to not answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but what is your favorite position?”. And she responded Np, and even asked mine. We both sent 2 messages back and forth about the topic, which weren’t short messages either.
So then I text my response, but also send a snap saying” I’m gonna send a tease snap on the next snap. Feel free to double tap and ignore it if you don’t want to see it. I simply was in a fun flirty mood from the conversation “. And she opened the 1st snap, didn’t open the 2nd snap, and then hasn’t opened the messages either, which normally she’d respond in 10-20min easy.
Weirdly, I was also removed from her friends discord server which we would game together, so that’s kinda obvious someone added their 2 cents. I am kinda annoyed, because I thought we were on the same page, communication-wise. Like we’re both adults and she could simply ignore it (double tap) and say “let’s not do that” and it would’ve been fine and never brought up. It also just seems like the person/people gave their opinion, doesn’t understand how often we talked and how openly we talked about anything. I feel like she was gaslighted or something. She’s a very smart girl and I can’t see her acting this way herself.
I did send a message apologizing and that I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings or come off as like a scumbag, to which it got no response. I know it’s a weird situation being a friends ex, and Idk if she feels hurt like I was lying to her or what, I mostly just don’t want her to think she was being led on and tricked for sex, but ofc I can’t spam her phone. I also don’t know if I even should care that much, since we were both clear about our stance on communication
6 comments
This isn’t complicated. You reached out to her under the guise of friendship. You then asked for nudes which she declined. You then pushed it further. At that point she simply decided you’re a creep.
I’m not sure why you’re assuming you were on the same page. She quite clearly wasn’t.
I think you missed a LOT of steps here, and I feel very uncomfortable just reading this.
It sounds like you guys were becoming good friends and then for whatever not very well-thought-out reason you decided to ask about trading nudes, despite, at least from the way you talk about your relationship here, not having any sort of sexual or intimate history or any indication from her that she wanted anything beyond friendship.
I think you should have taken the hint when she declined to send any images, instead of then transitioning into asking about her favorite sex positions.
Also, I’m assuming the “tease snap” was either you trying to sext, or you sending a sexual photo of some sort? If so, you don’t just launch into that kind of thing, especially if it was a photo you sent, and especially if you don’t have an intimate relationship or aren’t within a context that would reasonably point to establishing one.
It sounds like you made this girl more and more uncomfortable and are now making assumptions about her being “gaslit” rather than taking a step back and thinking about why your actions were inappropriate. I would have removed you from my discord server too if you’d treated one of my friends this way.
Stop reaching out to her, and instead reflect on how you could have handled things better and not made someone else feel uncomfortable. Don’t push so hard next time.
It sounds like she was just happy to have a new friend, especially after just having gone through a breakup a few months ago, and your actions very much come off as you only wanting to be “friends” so you could have a sexual relationship.
She’s just not that into you. & you sent an unsolicited pic which is just gross. Lessons should be learnt my friend. You came across arrogant and creepy – your friend will likely hear about it soon. Next time, go get your own.
Leave her alone.
In future do not send dick pics to people unless they’ve very clearly said they are welcome.
Grow up.
Unsolicited nudes is sexual harassment
What you did was wrong. Ebbie45 already explained why. Even if you don’t realize it or believe it, you do not send another nude when someone didn’t ask for one. No matter how low the lighting is.
You fucked up. Stay away from her and work on yourself.