Wether she actually means it or not

47 comments

  1. You just do it.

    Call a family member of hers of a health professional of some sort if you genuinely think they will, then leave.

    It’s not your fault if they do.

  2. Break up with her. Call 911 and request a wellness check on her if you have to but leave ASAP. That is horribly manipulative behavior, whether she means it or not.

  3. I’d probably tell her parents if you can. I feel like they could get to her a lot easier, assuming they aren’t like hours away or don’t talk to her as much. Or maybe stay with her and try to get her into therapy

  4. You break up with her and you call the emergency services to ask them to do a welfare check on her and report what she has said to you. You are not responsible for her well being, she is and if she isn’t in her right mind to take care of herself then her family or the state need to step in and be responsible for her. It sounds harsh but you can’t be held hostage in a relationship.

  6. Extremely manipulative behavior to try and control you.

    Your SO may have BPD, cuz my ex gf did this to me 3 times over the course of 3 years. She never did and in the end after we ended things.

    Get her to speak to a professional about her issue because this is way above your paygrade. Once you have done that, you gotta just breakup otherwise things will get worse. Speak to her family about it or yours so that they know whats going on.

  8. Talk to someone close of her (family member), if she doesnt have one , just break up, call 911 and tell them what she told you. No other solution.

  9. It’s a form of manipulation. If she is actually serious that’s not your baggage to carry. I would run if I were you my dude. Rum far, run fast.

  12. You break up with her. You are not responsible for other people’s decisions, and certainly are not responsible for acceding to emotional blackmail. You can, but are not morally obliged to, call a mental health resource in your area and report a suicidal person.

  13. This is a sign of covert narcissism. Im going through this with my former partner and its starting to really impact my own mental health. Try to maintain boundaries, include medical professionals, their family and a third party if necessary.

  14. Shes kinda emotionally blackmailing you, there’s no good way of leaving but you gotta do it if your unhappy in the relationship.

  15. I sent her to live with her mom, convincing her that a break and time to think was the only chance our relationship had.

    By that time, I realized I hated her. She was abusive in every way and I don’t regret it.

  16. ASAP! You don’t need to be around someone who needs psychiatric treatment with suicidal tendencies!

  17. Proceed to breakup and record the interaction. You are not responsible for someone’s death (unless you actually murdered them), people who do this really try to pull on your heartstrings and dangle extremes over your head to doing what they want you too. Don’t fall for it, and if she does decide to go through with it, record her to avoid false allegations.

  18. Is called “ manipulation “ , you just go for your way …. Faster is better , then is not your problem anymore , and she will , probably , stop try to use those manipulative tecniques and search for another poor soul to torment

  19. Joining the chorus to say you break up with her. You are not responsible for her actions.

    ​

    My ex gf said she was gonna top herself when I was visiting her, then drove off. She was living in a mountainous area, so lots of places to do it. I called the cops, and she arrived back to her place half an hour later to two cop cars and an ambulance. She was furious with me and sent her two adult sons after me to bash me, but I’m a far better driver than they were and they couldn’t catch me.

    ​

    Get out of that relationship. She’s abusive.

  21. You’re in no way responsible for her actions.

    First and foremost, you need to look out for yourself. It is highly unlikely that people who threaten to kill themselves if you leave actually go through with it – most often they’re just trying to manipulate you into staying.

    In any case, leave. There’s no gain in staying. It will only get worse for you if you do.

    As others said, call 911 if you belive she’ll realise her threats, but you owe yourself the happiness you gain – in the long run – in leaving.

  22. As per the other posts. Involve her GP, CATT or appropriate emergency services. Don’t be manipulated into staying regardless.

  23. Th last person I knew who was in a relationship ship like that was also being beaten. Get out and let the people near them know and call a welfare check. They’re manipulating you and it’s not okay.

  27. I mean to me personally…. What you do is your business. When I’m ready to leave, I’m out. Don’t particularly care what happens to you. You’re no longer my business.

  28. Had a mate who went through this for literally years with an incredibly abusive and manipulative woman. At a certain point I think you just have to walk away from this type of threat, or else you will just end up trapped

  29. Find some services in your area to refer her to do that she can get some help if she is truly suicidal but don’t let her use it to manipulate you. You can be there to support her but it is not your fault if she does do something to herself. Let her family know about her threats.

  31. She most likely won’t. People who threaten to kill themselves if you leave, are usually not the kind to go through with the threat. A suicidal person is unlikely to tell you anything. The SO is incorporating manipulative tactics to pin you, because all that matters to them is their own well being.

  32. Just do it. You can’t be responsible for other people’s mental issues.

    Weather it’s real or an empty threat to manipulate you it’s a mental issue

  33. Ring ems

    Had an ex that did this to manipulate me, you care about them, you fucking shit yourself with worry

    You dont really think “I’m being played” you think “I must help this person”

    Then after several times of dealing with the threat, grabbing objects from them when the threats are escalated

    I pressed 9 three times (uk) and said “I need an ambulance, my partner is xxxxx”

    Then as the sirens get louder, that person runs out the house and waits till it leaves, they come back and start making the threats again

    In a split second you realise these threats are not real, they are made to control you

    All that guilt and fear evaporates in that moment and anger and contempt take their place

    Now if your partner is genuinely in need of help, the ambulance comes and they get the help they need

    EMS works either way to get help or flush out their bullshit

  35. Record her on your phone, digital recorder, or screenshot the text message where she said that.

    Depending on your situation (if it is your place, her place, etc.) you have a few options.

    If it’s your place and she is not on the lease, then you can keep her from entering your place. I’d suggest having the locks changed after she is gone.

    You should make a video going around to collect her belongings and place into a bag/box to drop off at her parent’s house (if they live nearby) or to give back to her at a later time/location.

    So after you have the evidence of her saying that, contact the authorities to arrive so she can get some help. If you feel unsafe, have her come with you to the police station to do it there. Make up some excuse that you were involved in a hit and run and need to report it to the police.

    Suicide threats can be a form of abuse called coercive control.

  36. This was recently a very real topic for my divorce, and a good friend helped me based on similar experience in his divorce. You need to understand immediately that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. The mental issues your SO has are not caused by you, and their suicidal ideation is caused by those issues, not you. The day after my wife and I finally spoke about things and confirmed the divorce, I found her sobbing on the floor, saying she was going to kill herself. I took her to the hospital and let trained people with psychiatric training take care of her. It hurt. It was very painful, but they talked through everything with her, and I think it did help. You are not a doctor, and you are not obligated to maintain another human being’s mental health. By staying in this situation, you are either enabling her to hide from getting real help, or she is using her health to control you.

  37. My friend went through this.

    You just have to break up with her, and if you’re worried – request a wellness check by calling the Emergency Services. Unfortunately you are never responsible for a person taking their own life, and what she’s doing is manipulative and emotional abuse.

    She is holding you emotionally hostage.

  38. You always take it seriously. You tell her that since she is threatening to kill herself you’ll have to contact the authorities. And then you contact the authorities in your area to tell them someone you know is planning to harm themselves.

    From personal experience, some people will say that not intending to follow through. Until one day they actually follow through.

  40. You just break up. She’s not going to do it. She’ll more likely try to screw one of your friends. But regardless, you get out.

  42. the same way you break up with a SO who doesn’t threaten to kill herself. people who “threaten” to kill themselves to get their own way aren’t serious

  43. True story. My friend kept telling his girlfriend that is she broke with him he’d kill himself and when she did, my great friend is now forever gone. I’m not trying to say stay with her but PLEASE TAKE IT SERIOUS. Her life may depend on it.

  44. She has mental issues obviously and requires emotional and psychological support.

    Since you are asking on Reddit, it means that you are unhappy with the relationship and can’t bear being with her anymore.

    You already decided to quit and are just asking for a way to do the best way possible.

    Most people here haven’t had experience with mentally ill people. They might know crazy women but most haven’t really met a totally broken person.

    Here is someone with personale experience on the matter.

    Do not listen to random strangers on the internet. Only you know the exact circumstances and situation.

    But there are things that might give you a help in deciding what to do.

    You might not feel like implementing all points, so just see what works for you.

    1. Has she shown behavior or self harm in the past?

    If no, it means nothing. If yes, what was the extend of the self harm? There is a huge difference in self loathing and actually being depressed enough to give up on life.

    Suicide takes a certain threshold to bypass to our inert survival instinct. But if that threshold had been passed in the past, do not that those threats lightly.

    Lots of graveyards with seemingly normal seen people who just decided to quit life. Sometimes it just takes a small thing to makes one decide to quit.

    Only you know her good enough. Talk to her. Make sure that she understands that life is full of regret, but the biggest regret lives on among her family.

    So she is harming her mother and father for the rest of their life.

    People sometimes just need a small reason to live and continue.

    2. Reactivate family and friends

    Talk to people close to her, in immediate vicinity and most important her family or siblings.

    Those people have the responsibility to take care of her, because they are family. It is not your responsibility to be burdened by that, if you yourself already decided to quit the relationship. But it doesn’t mean that you have to be a brutal asshole which is why you are asking here, right?

    Just understand that she is going to lose her current point to life, the only connection that she sees valuable enough.

    You are giving her something that she feels she needs.
    If you leave, it is best to try find something that can replace that for her: other humans, family.

    It is often the case that the ones least understanding you are family members.

    So make sure to activate them and make sure they understand her current situation and that they take it serious enough.

    By filling the hole you are leaving with family and close friends, is the best way to break up.

    3. Have good food around. Women crave for sweets and icecream or chocolate when they are depressed. Stock something up around her house. It will soften the blow and doesn’t cost much.

    See to it that she has no drugs or alcohol around. Alcohol amplifies bad emotions and thoughts. Depression hits deeper when drunk.

    4. Last but not least, announce a time frame for the break up.

    Do not use the work “break up”, but say you both going to separate.

    Announce that and move out at that exact time frame.

    Sudden loss is unbearable to emotional weak people.
    But if it is gradual and you announce it, they have time to gradually accept it. It softens the blow.

    The key is to be strict with the timeframe and to make sure at the end of the day, that she understands it is over and if she begs, tell her that you still values her as a person, but that you are breaking up due to the actions she took. Make sure she understands it is because of her behavior and that she can’t safe her past actions.

    Self loathing people hate themselves as a person but not their actions. That is why they hate themselves, but refuse to change their behavior.

    Only ones they understand it is due to her behavior that lead to the breakup, can she accept that herself is not the reason.

    That’s all, bro! Good luck!₩

  45. You just break up. No harsh words. No overly comforting each other. No anger. Just leave. Just remember you are not responsible for their actions.

  46. I didn’t care. That’s her problem to deal with not mine. If she does, still not your problem or on you.

  47. My sister did this. Her ex called an ambulance to her job. It humiliated her and cost her a lot of money- suffice to say she left him alone afterwards.

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