So I posted the other day about my situation where my Fiancé sent some selfies to my neighbor but claims that’s all she did and says she only did it because he kept asking and wouldn’t stop bothering her and she was becoming pressured and uncomfortable since he lives right next door.. He was texting her a grip of messages through out the week trying to get her attention and always talking to her when he would see that I left to work or to make extra money on my side hustle. She’s swearing that’s all she did and it was a bad call but she was nervous to ignore him for too long since he would be outside all day and she gets home from school late.. the problem is no one has any messages. I’m going based on her word which is very difficult. She claims she didn’t tell me to avoid confrontation since she knows I would of went to his place to call him out about harassing her and since he is a criminal/druggy she didn’t want anything to happen to her or me. We have a family and whole life together so I can’t see why she would trade that for him so I want to believe her but even if I do it was a bad call and she wasn’t honest with me. So I don’t trust her now even though this is the first time she’s ever hurt me like this.. Is this fixable?
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Where are the photo files she sent? Did you check the deleted images folder? How did she take the image? How did she send it to him? This is sad, scary, and sketchy.
The first one she did take.. and the other she did send and it was a previous photo from her instagram. It’s on iPhone so there is no way for me to recover the text since her phone is at a certain update. she’s swearing that’s all she did and that its wrong but it’s just hard to believe.. how do I know she didn’t go along with it for a bit.. this hurts so bad.
To be honest, you got the advice you needed last time from /u/turtle_duck4:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10q4a35/comment/j6o1jcn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10q4a35/comment/j6o1jcn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>It sounds she was cheating (flirting in my relationship is cheating) or preparing to cheat, and she is certainly a liar. Why promote her, a confirmed liar, to wife? She didn’t pass the girlfriend test. You can certainly still co-parent with her, but you don’t need to continue your romantic relationship.
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>If that is too hard to contemplate with all the emotions and “what ifs” bouncing around in your brain, take a step back and look at her actions. What has she done to show she understands the magnitude of her actions? What is her plan to fix herself so that she doesn’t do this again? If the answer to those questions is basically she just says sorry or she hasn’t done anything or she continues to minimize her behavior, then she is just not a safe partner and she won’t be in the future.
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>At the very least, you should feel totally comfortable putting that wedding on hold indefinitely until she proves to you that she is trustworthy again, and that can take months or years.
The only thing I would add is that since you’re not married and have a 2 year old child together, it’s past time to go to a lawyer and get a formal custody agreement signed. That ways, if she does want to threaten to move back to Ohio from where you are in California, you have rights.
In your first post you said the guy’s GF has the messages. Can you get the goods from her?
Hi again, OP! First, let me say how sorry I am that you are experiencing this mental turmoil. No one deserves this. I hope you are eating, sleeping, and hydrating.
Right now, I would wager to bet that your head and heart are at war with each other. You love her and *want* to believe her, but your head (and your gut) is telling you that her story isn’t believable because it isn’t. From what you say here, her story seems confusing and a bit ludicrous to me. I think it is highly suspicious that she conveniently doesn’t have any evidence to back up this tall tale.
I firmly believe that everyone can change, but not everyone is willing to put in the hard work to change. Again, I would ask “What has she done to help you heal and to be a better partner?” To me, the fact that she is clinging to this (frankly) ridiculous story would be a red flag that she wants to avoid responsibility. Without fully confronting what she did and owning up to it, she cannot hope to be a better person and you will be left forever wondering. That sounds like endless suffering for you, and you don’t deserve that for your future.
I would like to gently suggest that you take some action here and not look to her for answers or comfort, at least in the short term.
* Please see a family lawyer so you can get the ball rolling to protect your parental rights. Do this for your daughter. She deserves to grow up with you in her life. You owe it to her to get to a lawyer ASAP.
* Cancel the wedding if it is planned, and get some money back if possible. You may need those funds. A truly remorseful partner will understand that you cannot move forward right now and will gladly agree to this to show you that they are 100% committed to making it up to you.
* Check out r/supportforbetrayed and r/AsOneAfterInfidelity. Those subs are filled with truly amazing individuals who can help guide you through this horrible situation you find yourself in. You don’t have to go through this alone.
* Ask your fiance to write up a full disclosure and a plan for healing the relationship. What is she going to do to make this better? To be honest, if she were truly repentant and understood the magnitude of what she did to the relationship, she should already be researching like mad. If she has no ideas for how to move forward other than you just need to believe her, then that is a parade of red flags.
* Take note of her actions, not her words. Write things down if you need to so that you can remember and look at actions over time. What is she doing on a daily basis to right this wrong?
Again, it is totally possible that she will do everything right moving forward and your relationship can heal from this. But, you need to proceed in the short term with YOUR (and your daughter’s) best interest in mind. Hedge your bets, so to speak, so that you are prepared if things don’t work out the way you hope.
Good luck, OP. You can do this.
There are such things as infidelity polygraphs. Ask her to take one and gauge her reaction.
Why did they have each others numbers? And why didn’t she tell you he was harrasing her rather than send a picture. She could have asked you not go over and do anything to him if she was worried about that.
She only got it because he would work on our cars. Which I told her was fine but as long as he’s not trying to be all friendly.. but then he of course took it too far and kept talking to her and she wouldn’t reply and he would keep texting her and asking for a pic and I think she knew I would be so pissed that she thought maybe she couldn’t stop me from confronting him. So I guess in her head sending that would make him leave her alone.. which was such a bad call because I deserved to know..