Last night I (18F) met up with a guy I matched with for a date. It went well so I went home with him.
We start doing foreplay and he makes me cum twice, so I’m feeling pretty satisfied. He wanted to have sex with me so he puts the condom on and starts.
But it’s just not doing it for me. Usually I do get plenty of pleasure from penetration and I’m able to cum one or two more times. This time I just wasn’t feeling it I guess. There wasn’t an issue with his size, or the way he was thrusting into me or anything. I didn’t tell him at any point that it wasn’t working for me because I didn’t want to risk embarrassing him. Cause genuinely it wasn’t his fault. He did put effort in and listened when I made suggestions.
I considered just telling him that it wasn’t working out and to end it. But he was being really vocal and moaning a lot. I thought it would have been selfish of me to just stop him considering he made me cum twice and he hadn’t yet.
So I just decided to continue anyway. He asked me to throw it back for him after a while. I really didn’t feel like it, but again, I didn’t want to be selfish and I wanted him to cum so I did it for him even though I didn’t want to.
He did cum after like 20 minutes. But soon after he changed the condom and went back inside me for round two. In the end it took him about an hour to finish for the second time. I was annoyed it took him that long. I didn’t tell him though. I went home afterward.
I’m not looking for sympathy or anything like that. As the guy did nothing wrong. He had no idea I felt that way and I don’t feel like I got taken advantage of.
But is it normal for this to happen sometimes when you hookup? Do any other women just continue with sex when the guy did nothing wrong? What are my options if this happens again?
19 comments
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. On the other hand, I like sex for sex sake it feels good and it makes me feel good. Sometimes I don’t feel like it when my gf wants it but I do it because I know she wants it and I care about that. I enjoy doing that, I enjoy making her cum, I enjoy her caressing me and I like fucking.
So in short, there is a lot of gray area here. Don’t overthink stuff, we are human and we are complex. The only thing you should worry about is being firm when no means no, and have a sense of adventure and kindness when saying yes to someone you care about. Hope yhis helps, have fun!
Your case is complicated. In generall you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. But it’s also common to do something that doesn’t gives yourself much pleasure but your partner really likes. I would also say that it is good etiquette to try to give your partner an orgasm exspecially after they made you cum.
In your case I would have paticipated in the first piv sex but I would have told him to change things up. If that did not helped I would have told him to stop and offered a handjob instead. Letting him finish inside you is the really nice way to do things but it is okay to ask to stop something when you don’t feel.
Going in for round two without asking first is definitivly a no no. An hour is also really long even when you enjoy it. At some point he should have asked how you feel.
If you don’t *mind* having the sex, if he is a decent guy and he’s considerate of you, it seems very kind of you to let him have his fun.
To put it differently, who would have been better off if you had pushed him off and told him to go home? You would certainly not have gained anything and he would feel terrible.
Personally, I’m willing to continue and try to get my partner off even if I’m not as wildly enthusiastic as when we started. I’m also difficult to get off myself, so I understand where they’re coming from and don’t wanna make them feel bad for needing more time.
If you’re in pain, or otherwise in distress… you should tell them to stop. Most people don’t want to continue fucking someone who isn’t into it.
If you’re just bored, I’d suggest shaking things up. Switch to a bj or hj, or try to get yourself horny again! And if you’re really not into it, you should tell him in a kind way. I usually say something like “I think I’m tapped out” or the like. It wasn’t that the sex was bad, it’s that I was satiated. Like being served more dinner when you’re already full.
As for the situation you’re describing… it was round 2 that really was the problem, I think. You were done and didn’t realize round 2 was going to be so long. So I’d probably intervene between rounds. “He changed the condom and went back inside” — this was your chance. Sit up, and smile, act like it’s over. Communicate that it’s over now. Your description here is so passive. Be an active participant in your own consent! You saw him reaching for another condom… speak up! “Oh, I don’t have round 2 in me.” Or “I don’t have time for another round.” Or something else that makes it clear.
You can also just tap at any time. Really, it’s okay. Especially when there’s a break in the action, it’s okay to stop. You can also tap at any other time and just say you want to stop. Is it awkward? Sometimes. You might have to do a little emotional first aid, if he thinks he hurt you or did something wrong. But if you’re not enjoying yourself, you probably shouldn’t continue.
To me, it’s a balance. I’m willing to keep going to help someone get off, but not to my major detriment. I’m willing to put in the work but sometimes I don’t have in me! And that’s okay. Orgasms don’t have to be the goal, either.
It sounds like you really wanted to say stop to part 2 but ignored it. Your wording suggests you were beyond not into it after that.
It’s good style to reciprocate when someone makes you cum twice. That wasn’t for him, it was for you. Sometimes sex is mutual, sometimes it is reciprocal. But it’s polite to be good to someone who was good to you,
When my ex and I first got together we had a LOT of sex. sometimes twice or 3 times /day for years. I felt loved and cared for more than anyone before her. After kids, we both got buy and it wasn’t as frequent. She would want to and I didn’t. On those occasions I did everything I could to meet her needs and don’t think I ever said no. Not everyone feels that way or should they feel obligated. Yes, etiquette would have to take care of your partner, especially if they were so giving to you. However, if my partner were uncomfortable and did not tell me I would be crushed emotionally. I would feel much closer if she opened up emotionally and were honest. Not sharing her emotions would make me feel cheap and distant.
For your sake, speak up and say what you want and don’t want. Most decent guys will appreciate it more. There are also other things you can do if he wants to keep going and you don’t – bj/hj works well for many guys.
Best of luck.
It’s nice that you didn’t want to hurt his feelings but normalizing having sex when you aren’t into it can come at to great a cost to yourself. Next time, if it’s just a hookup, tell him you feel an upset stomach or headache coming on. With regular partner, you can take a more direct approach but there isn’t anything to be gained by having tough conversations with someone you aren’t going to see again.
It is really important to trust yourself. When something feels off, you shouldn’t wait around to be proven right. It’s good to be kind but at your age, your #1 job is to look out for your own well being. Forcing yourself to go through with joyless sex for the sake of a stranger is not the way to do that.
> What can be done about this situation?
For a hook up situation like you described, pretty much any option is acceptable. If you are no longer into it and want to stop, it’s perfectly okay to say so. If your partner doesn’t get off, so what? It’s just a hook up.
Or, if you want to continue (even though you’re not getting anything out of it) because you’re not a selfish lover – which is essentially what you did in this situation – that’s fine too.
A third option would be to take a bit of a break. Something like “I’m pretty spent. Wanna watch a movie and then I can blow you and see where things go from there?” Or, depending upon the situation, you could even offer to take care of him in the morning or next time without expecting reciprocation. But if it’s a one-time or first-time hookup, it may be presumptuous to think there is going to be a next time.
If you are interested in subsequent hookups, the option of just being a selfish lover and leaving him hanging probably reduces the likelihood that he’ll be interested in hooking up again.
In a more established relationship, it would just come down to better communication and making sure, without “keeping score”, that things are balanced over the long term. It’s perfectly fine to stop sometimes because you know they’ll be good sex for both of you coming again. It’s perfectly fine to continue on with “sex you don’t want” because you love and care about your partner and want them to feel good and be happy.
I never Not want to have sex with my hot ass wife if I’m understanding the question 👍
I’ve been. in this situation with my boyfriend before. Usually sex is amazing for both of us, but sometimes my mind wanders or as we continue I’m just not really into it. I don’t think it;s wrong to continue for the sake of his pleasure as long as you’re still comfortable and happy to do it for him; there are plenty of asexual people that still have sex because they want their partner to feel nice. Usually when this happens to me, I’ll tell him in full transparency that I’m just not feeling it, and we’ll try out different positions or just do oral so he still gets to cum. Even if you didn’t feel taken advantage of, if you were frustrated or bored there could just be better ways of handling it. I hope that you still feel happy and fulfilled. Don’t stress yourself out too much; you’re alright love.
You could’ve easily just said
“Hey, listen, I appreciate you making me cum and all…but I’m not really feeling it…”
I mean he may react poorly, idk the guy. But there was nothing stopping you from just ending the encounter
Is it normal? Well I mean, sheesh sister, he made you cum 2 times with foreplay beforehand. If he isn’t hurting you let the guy cum too.
It definitely happens where one partner becomes satisfied and is ready to be done before the other. Orgasms and satisfaction don’t always line up perfectly. I’ve definitely had times where part of me wanted to be done with sex, and another part wanted to not be selfish and continue until my partner was satisfied. Sometimes I was able to ensure my partner was satisfied, but other times, I wasn’t able to follow through on my previously stated promise to “fornicate her brains out”. I’ve tapped out.
It’s worth pointing out that your partner was out of line by going back in for round two unannounced. He definitely deserved you saying “I’m done here” and a prompt exit for that.
But, if you’re ever in a situation with someone who’s less selfishly brazen, and you’re hitting that point where you realize you want to let them down gently, here are some potential tips and tricks:
Probably number one tip: Try to frame the experience positively “You made me feel so good, I’m totally worn out!”
If you can recognize that your desire is fading early enough, give some encouragement for him to finish. “This feels good, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it!” And/or “I want you to finish.”
Depending on your desire and comfort level, you could offer up alternatives: oral, manual, or even inviting him to masturbate.
If you didn’t notice your desire fading and are suddenly waiting to stop, ask for a break. Stopping for a break is less awkward than a sudden full stop, as it implies you want to continue. So it hopefully gets your partner to notice that you aren’t enjoying it as much. And you can use the break to collect yourself to assess what you’re still up for, if anything at all. Or call for a break intending to full stop, that’s okay too.
Excuses for a break: you need to pee, need water, need to catch breath, something is starting to hurt.
Either on a break or in between rounds, putting on your clothes is a good way to signal being done. But, if you wanted to close up shop downstairs but still help him out, you could slip on just your underwear to signal what’s off the table.
As a guy, this has happened to me a couple of times with one night stands, where I lost interest in the woman during sex. Once, it was with a Playboy Playmate of the Month (no joke!). I faked an orgasm just to get rid of her (she was dumb as rocks and I couldn’t get over the fact that I would have to talk to her and the longer we went, the more likely she’d want to stay overnight.) She did nothing wrong, and she was definitely beautiful, but beauty alone isn’t enough.
So yes, if you don’t know the person very well beforehand, it can definitely go wrong. The brain is our biggest sex organ.
And you already let him cum even though you weren’t really feeling it the first time. There is NO obligation for you to go to round two only for him.
It’s not normal but it is normalized. If you’re not into something: please speak up. He was basically using your body to masturbate for two rounds – and him not realizing you were basically waiting for him to be done is kinda horrifying.
I also don’t agree with the people saying it’s *nice of you* to sit through it for someone else’s enjoyment – I call that false. Sex is mutual – if you’re not enjoying it PLEASE DO NOT think you have to just lay there and wait for it to end bc someone else wants it.
You don’t have to have sex with someone just bc they put the condom on or assumed.
I mean honestly yeah I just continue. It’s the same case as you where my partner tends to get me off first before focusing on him. Since he showed that he cares about my pleasure, I’m pretty open to whatever he wants to do to get himself off after. It’s not really that I’m bored but that once I do get off I’m pretty tired and my libido kinda goes down. I’m not really sure how different it would be for hookups because one of the things that really pushes me to continue is the fact that I love the man I’m having sex with. But there are times where I don’t necessarily feel like having sex after he gets me off and if I don’t feel like penetration is the move I’ll just give a bj or hj. Since he got you off a couple times first, are you sure that you weren’t just tired? I think that most people wouldn’t be able to go back to back with the same level of energy especially if one session lasts an hour or so. If you weren’t in any pain maybe suggest to them to do something else to get them off besides having penetrative sex to give yourself a little bit of a break.
After round two. I have to get up early or this is a lot so quickly. I still blame the man. As a man he didn’t pick up on you not being into it? Be loud OP you don’t owe any man anything.
Edit out: make ‘em earn it. Feels it applies mostly to longer relationships and marriage