Which changes did make a difference?

Edit: Oh my, never have I thought to have so many upvotes and comments! Thank you all!

38 comments

  2. It’s mostly about confidence. Women don’t like insecure or desperate (which is the same) men. If you don’t give a shit about what they think of you, you’ll attract more. But then again, if you want that, that means that you care about it, so it’s a difficult cycle.

    Also I found that just talking to them like they’re people ,instead of something else, works too.

  3. Gained some confidence in myself, let my humor shine through, showered regularly and developed an aloof easy going attitude.

    The fact that I kept growing to be 6’2″ also helped.

  6. I always looked way younger than I am. For quite some time this was a disadvantage, now in my forties it’s an advantage. I’m also fitter than most men my age. And women in their thirties and forties value men like me higher because of all the bad experiences they had with “typical” men in the past (violence, alcoholism, cheating, huge debts, attachment disorders, the list goes on).

  7. I think changing the fashion and haircut was helpful. I used to wear huge t-shirts, too big jeans, too large suit, too large shirts.

    If you have regular body build, wear fitting clothes. FITTING by size. Don’t trust your mum.

  8. Made myself somebody to be interested to. Instead of being this big pile of depressed nothingness.

  9. Realizing you could be the greatest person in the world and someone can still not like you or the girl could be amazing but you might not like her and both of those situations are ok

  10. Love yourself first. Don’t be over confident but be comfortable in your own skin, be authentic and listen. Showing emotion, passion, curiosity, and security are a must and all from from self love. Women don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with themselves.

  11. The two points in life I’d say I got the most attention were my lowest and highest. For pretty much the same reason. Being sad/happy, lead to me seeking out others to speak to and cope with/share my joy with, and I had a reckless arrogant/experimentally open and confident demeanour that let me openly try new things and speak freely about what I liked and had in mind, along with some codependency and attention seeking behaviour/the ability to make people feel special and important to me and trying my best to always make my environments fun and happy. I guess all I really did in both of those scenarios was socialize, be unafraid of radiating “myself” and letting those who like it find me (probably the most important one. Not everyone will, but the more you do it, eventually someone shows up), and spend time building bonds. Simple but there’s a negative and positive way of doing it. Compared to a more neutral me who sort of just kept to himself and didn’t radiate any sort of emotion or passion.

    I guess the real message here is that it’s very easy for both yourself and even those attracted to you to mistake positive traits like confidence with a negative one like arrogance since they result in very similar expressions. Downside? One is a bad foundation that always ends badly.

  12. Becoming less awkward and social-phobic, and learning how to say less awkward shit that weirded people out (you know, growing up). Also I got better looking with age. Also showering more.

    But most importantly, being less afraid of doing my own legwork instead of hoping some woman would just come to me. There were always girls who were into me and I was too shy to do anything. I kept hoping they’d make *all* the moves which they took as a sign of indifference from me. Still regretting all the good hookups I know I missed, and feeling bad for the women I disappointed or confused who really did like me.

  13. Got a good job, bought a house, generally relaxed and ironically became much more chosey unlikely to chase.

  14. I used to be pretty skinny. Like 135lb. I started going to the gym and put on 20lbs. Suddenly started getting more attention.

  15. I got plunged into female-dominated school, club, and work and started getting to know and treat them like my bros. Working out also boosted my likability a little more.

  16. Earning more money. Buying nicer clothes. Investing in myself. Having hobbies. Being productive.

  17. I haven’t necessarily struggled with women but (before I was married) once I had success with one woman I realized and learned that I could actually approach another woman that I thought was out of my league..

  18. I did what is a called a pro gamer move and started asking men out too. Now I got no luck with either 😁

  20. Work on your ass. No, seriously, workout on your ASS muscle.
    Men think women look on your biceps and chest, nope.
    Women like fine ASS, get your ass into a nice shape, and boom. Go squat and deadlift regularly.

    My ass got me laid so many times you won’t believe it. Women treat you as sexsual object the same as they blame us

  21. Calming down, not going after women, being relaxed, clear headspace, occasional gym, nicer clothes…
    A lot actually, but you dont see those things, until you start doing them

  22. Tons of hard work and trial and error. One nice trick I learned is to embrace the notion that “To increase your success rate, you need to increase your failure rate”. I used to take no chances with women, and would probably ask 1-2 out per year. So I was learning nothing about what it takes to get a woman interested, and I would be crushed if 1 of them rejected me.

    Don’t be afraid of failure. Its the best way to learn.

  24. haircut was the biggest one nobody ever talks about. changed from a greasy long haired dude to a Zayn Malik one direction haircut and the results were immediate. Also clothes….going from all black to….well still all black but much sharper clothes was pretty big too.

  25. My deodorant and underwear.

    Still isn’t working though, but that’s probably because I’m over 50 and a fat ass.

  26. Started going to the gym. Lost a few kg of fat, gained a bit of muscles and people just started to treat me different. Boosted my confidence, made me feel better, which made me present myself better, so people treated me better, which boosted my confidence and so on.

  28. Ok the joke answer is to not be depressed, but that’s hard work and impossible for some.
    Realistically, drop 15 pounds if you’re fat, gain 15 pounds of you’re too skinny, improve your posture, get a hair cut that looks good on you, dont be afraid to talk to a stylist about this if you dont know what would look good, getting fitting clothing.
    Everyone has already said these things, and they are all true, but in my opinion the single best thing to do is to treat women like people, rather than like how you imagine women should be treated. Don’t just try to date them, actively take an interest in their hobbys, find real points of genuine connection and try to be their friend before you try to date them.

  30. Admittedly i was always funny so I always had that going for me and I didn’t have “no luck.” However I can tell you what took that to the next level.

    Focusing on me.

    I started dressing the way I wanted to, not how I felt I was expected to. I also started doing things, taking weekend trips, sleeping in my car if I had to but just doing stuff that took me out of my comfort zone but that I wanted to do. If a friend wanted to go I’d bring them, if Noone did I’d go alone.

    I went to a cheese festival that was 7 hours away from me once. I drove 8 hours to go to a bar after I had a conversation with my local bartender and he told me it was the best. I viewed larping events, Ren fairs, boat races, went bow hunting, so many minor league baseball and basketball games, every museum exhibit, so many concerts And, if I was invited to do anything I’d almost always say yes.

    Those things meant that not only was I funny, I dressed well and was *intresting* . People started going out of their way to ask me what I’ve been up, SO many women asked if I would call them next time I was doing something it became almost a joke at one point that I’d run out of things to do before I ran out of women to call.

    Then I met my wife. And we did cool shit together.

  31. I was having absolutely zero luck with one woman in particular, so I changed my marital status to divorced.

  32. I didn’t change anything, my first gf did.

    Basically, I had a mental block from asking girls out or making a ‘move’ on them.

    It took my first gf many attempts that are incrementally direct and daring, to get me to actually be like ‘ah fuck it’ and lose my virginity with her.

    After that first RS ended, I became confident enough to be more direct with what I want, rather than waiting for girls to make the first move.

  33. I got a haircut, become more social, made more connections, became active in the gym and hiking, got better clothing and for 2 years nothings changed for the better with women lmao. Probably not what you want to hear.

  34. I lived with my overweight dad and stepmom in grade school, got bullied and had no self confidence. When I moved into my moms house for high school she wouldn’t feed me and constantly verbally abused me. So I ended up becoming anorexic from not eating. Got super skinny and grew out my hair. Went though an emo phase which got me a lot of women and boosted my self confidence. Which made me take better care of myself.

  35. I quit drinking, and started living a more healthy lifestyle. I’m no health nut by any means, but the no drinking led to losing 50lbs, which led to me feeling better about myself, which led to me dressing nicer which led to ladies becoming more interested. Turns out women like someone who takes care of themselves and takes pride in their appearance. Shocking hey? lol

    Also, I stopped actively pursuing women too. A lot of them seem to like a guy who ‘appears’ to have no interest at first. Adds to the allure.

  36. Lost weight/got in shape

    Learned to read non-verbal ques/communicate nonverbally

    Got better at carrying conversations

    Bought better clothes because old ones couldnt fit anymore

  38. 1) the Internet was invented and Tinder
    2) I turned 50 as did the women I date
    3)Money. Women like guys with money more than poor ones, no matter your age.

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