I know this sounds super shallow, but I’ve been realizing lately that while I have decent social skills, I have a very limited number of close friends. I know that realistically speaking, this isn’t really something I should get so worked up about, but I truly do enjoy having a social life and want to expand my circle. I also see lots of other people around me who have so many more friends than I do, and while I love and appreciate the friends I have right now, I can’t help but feel a little envious that they have so many more people to hang out with and text.
So my question is, what would be the best way to go about making more friends and becoming part of more friend groups? One specific thing I struggle with sometimes is connecting to people more personally, so I’d appreciate advice on that especially. For example, if I meet someone at a class I’m taking, I’m fine with small talk, but it’s difficult for me to get past acquaintance-territory into actual friendship-territory.
I guess it’s also important to note that I had a pretty traumatic experience with a toxic friend a few years ago, and ever since then, I’ve been trying to limit the number of people I talk to because I’m so scared that they’ll end up turning out to be like that one friend. I have to admit that I’m still a little scared to move on from that, and I’m not even sure if I should move on at all out of fear of meeting the wrong person and ending up in a similar situation again.
Advice would be appreciated. Thanks Reddit.
2 comments
Become a leader.
Be the person who reaches out when you haven’t heard from someone.
Take the initiative to introduce yourself to people and ask questions about them.
Invite people to things even when you don’t think they would want to go, sometimes you’ll be surprised.
If you make a friend in one friend circle, and a friend in another, BREAK THE BOUNDARY. If you see good people there is no reason everyone can’t be friends.
The best way to make alot of friends is to put yourself away. Don’t worry about what people think about YOU, show genuine interest and care for everyone AROUND you.
Smile at people when you walk by, say hi to as many people as possible.
People might think it’s weird at first, but your confidence and carefree positivity will be CONTAGIOUS.
We all have a light inside of us that we hide because we are scared that people won’t like it when they see it. So would you rather be worried, still not have a ton of friends, and try to be someone fake?
Or would you rather be the person that can make everyone’s day better, even when other people are angry and uncomfortable in the world.
Almost everyone, except the truly asocial among us, wants to be well liked and have close relationships. Usually when you’ve got an existing friend group but you’re craving new people, it means something is either wrong or lacking in your life as it is.
You may lack truly close ties, you may not be anyone’s “first choice”, you may be seeking someone who could become a romantic relationship, you may have outgrown your existing friends, you may simply not be getting enough interaction (only children often have a tough time with this). OR it may point to an issue within yourself, such as an excessive need for external validation (as one would get from attempting to seek popularity), or boredom due to lack of stimulation/purpose. Or perhaps losing your friend triggered something; you could be seeking reassurance that you’re still likeable and attractive to others (as in, you’re someone who people want to be around).
So I’d really encourage you to figure out what exactly it is you’re looking for, and why. Seeking popularity for its own sake will *never* lead to happiness.
If instead it’s about wanting more close ties, because you enjoy people, then your absolute best bet comes from two things: 1. hobbies and interests, and 2. becoming someone who’s easy to be around. Use a hobby or interest as the bridge between small talk and getting to know someone. “How long have you been into this? How’d you get into it?” Find out where your interest overlaps the most. EX. if you like anime, find people who like the same shows. Point 2 means to accept the role of initiator. You’ll be the one asking questions, and you’ll be the one asking people to come over, you’ll be the one being told “oh sorry, I can’t…” sometimes (or even often).
Lastly, sometimes we end up with the wrong people. I’ve dealt with similar. You can’t escape pain. All you can do is keep trying, because the good times in life (and good people) and the memories you can create together are worth it.