what exactly does “do what you want mean” ?

Because growing up, I’ve only heard this from ppl who were using this as an excuse to do bad things.

I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, and everyone I knew used this to justify doing drugs, running away from home, getting into fist fights, and getting pregnant, or joinig gangs and all that comes with that. That is what I remember from my childhood anyways.

It wasn’t until they were pregnant, or when they had to get serious about life, that they stopped saying “do what you want.” It no longer became their mantra.

And growing up i that I fear mongered myself into staying on the straight and narrow. that feeling of “ooh that looks interesting” or “ooh that looks fun” was something I actively fought against, because if I do what I had interst In or what I found fun, was the first steps into that lifestyle.

First I do something I find interest in, something fairly innocent, like joining the football team at school. I start off scared because it’s something outside of my ability to control. I can’t control how others feel about me I can’t control how well I do every game but I try. But trying makes me better. I can change the way ppl see me. I can make game plans before every game to make the odds better for me. Now I feel like I have control….what else am I afraid of that I can control?

And that’s how it starts. At least that is what i fear mongered myself into thinking.

And this kind of thinking has controlled me for 31 years. I’m 31. It came to be mainly because of my mother. My older siblings where the “do what you want” types and their lives are messes now. I stayed as straight and narrow as I could because I didn’t want to stress my mom. But now that I’m 31 I became to scared to do what I want.