I’m having a hard time. I’m in college (19F) and have never dated anyone. It’s honestly kind of depressing. Looking around and seeing all the friends and couples around campus just depresses me. What am I doing wrong? What can I fix? I just keep thinking when the time is right, God will send someone my way. But I’m not sure. In the meantime what do I do? Some people learn to be content by themselves but I’m just not. The only thing keeping me going is my dog. She’s pretty much the only friend I have. I know I’m not the prettiest or fittest person out there, but I feel like no one wants to talk to me or purposefully sits or stands away from me. Like there’s some kind of repelling force field around me. I just want a life with a loving husband and a bunch of dogs and a small house in the middle of no where. I don’t want to be lonely forever. Anyone have any advice?
TL;DR: I’m a very lonely person (19F, in college) who has never dated anyone. I keep advice!
4 comments
Hey there! It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and it’s understandable that you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed. It’s important to remember that there is no timeline for relationships and that it’s perfectly normal to not be in one at this stage in your life. You don’t have to have your life completely figured out right now.
That said, it’s important to take steps to meet new people and build meaningful relationships. Try joining clubs or organizations that interest you, attending events such as meetups or workshops, or just striking up conversations with new people. You never know who you might meet or the potential opportunities you might come across.
The most important thing is to keep a positive attitude and have faith that things will work out in the end. You’re never alone, and there are always people who are willing to listen and offer support. Take care!
Honestly start with expanding your friends group. If you are introverted I would join a girls focused discord gamer group. But don’t get addicted to games and focus on your study. Initiate things don’t be passive, invite people to walk your dog with you, don’t expect to be invited to things. If you are extroverted join some activities at your college. There will be social things, theatre or something, sports. You are young you can be picky don’t fall for a Degen.
Learn about your attachment style and then seek out those who attach in the same ways you do.
Also what I am about to say is contradictory, but I hope you can understand how the contradiction makes sense. A) you should not be in a rush to be where others are, getting a boyfriend will not cure what loneliness exists in you. B) You should rush to come to an understanding of what you want from life and what you have to offer to attain that want.
You must decide on many things like 1) do you want to seek out a long term relationship with the goal of marriage or a more casual one just to explore your sexuality? 2) Is the guy you select intentional about his goal matching yours, namely does he have a plan to get to where you want to be? 3) Do you have enough interest in guys to seek to understand them? Namely the requirements for someone seeking a girl for marriage are different requirements than someone who seeks a girl to explore sexuality with. Those who do not seek to understand why guys would place you in one category or the other. Just as women have the friend zone and the relationship zone, men have “she’s fun” and “she’s wife material.”
Bottom line you must seek to learn who you are, what you offer, and what you need to be as either gender to ultimately start to pull the right candidates for what you want from your experiences. I want this is simply not a good enough answer for any guy or girl, you must actively be what the other desires to get your desires and the faster you figure out what the opposite gender wants, the more likely you are to be successful in the dating game regardless of the outcome you desire.
Try a dog walkers group? Try some other things you enjoy that are social groups. Don’t worry at 19 that it’ll always be like this because you might have to wait until 40 to find the love of your life and it’ll be worth it – use the time until then to enjoy the adventure.