Me (23M) and her (20F) started off as coworkers and ended up being really good friends by the end of last semester. Never had intentions on dating her but it was towards mid February that I realized I started developing feelings for her. I didn’t want those feelings to conflict with our friendship, so I decided to distant myself completely away from her and focus on hanging out with other friends for about a month. Defintiely one of the worst ideas ever because it ended up hurting her (obviously) and it turns out by doing that, it had the opposite effect. I started thinking about her more and constantly checking every text that I get to see if it’s her. After abstaining myself from her, we started talking again like nothing ever happened and those feelings became even stronger. At this point, I can’t get my mind off of her. I want to stop thinking about her and get on with my life. If I could, I would still be her friend while trying to get rid of these feelings, but Im not mentally strong for that.
TLDR – Became close friends with a girl and developed feelings for her. Trying to move on because I know I can’t be her friend while having feelings.
P.S. She does not know I have feelings for her. Ive been trying hard not to express them.
Btw, sorry if this in the wrong sub.
6 comments
One way to either get rid of them or give into them is telling her. Either she will reply those feelings and you have a chance for a cool relationship or she won’t and you can get over those feelings and be the kind of friends you want to be. Just maybe show her that you care about the friendship and want to stay friends if she doesn’t have the same feelings. Or do you not want to get into a relationship with her?
You just have to distance yourself, forget it and move on.
Just disappear, saves you a lot of problems
The way it sounds she might have feelings for you too… I would tell her how you feel… what’s the worst that can happen? She says no? At least you’ll have your answer
I’ve been in this position three times I think. The first one is the one that hurts the most and that’s because I never told her, I suppressed the feelings through fear of losing her and in the end lost her anyway.
The second I told her and she laughed at me. Hurt like fuck. Then she asked me out a couple weeks later and I turned her because I was so annoyed. But it doesn’t feel nearly as bad because there was resolution and I addressed my feelings.
The last was messy but I don’t regret it at all. I told her, asked to date, she said no and everything was fine for a couple weeks, then on a mutual night out she is resting her head on my lap, hugging me, literally nags me to share the spare bed with her. I tell her these are some mixed signals and she reacts badly, throws me some bullshit answers I tell her I want space. Four or five months later we’re ok but it’ll be never be the same. But I feel fine about it.
What I learned from these is if you don’t honour your feelings it hurts a whole lot worse for a whole lot longer and you need to consider that. My advice is be honest with her about it all. You never know she might want to date, but if she doesn’t, she will understand your need for space. And if she reacts badly then that’s a good indicator you dodged a bullet. Either way you find closure much easier.
Tell her. Don’t ask her out just say “I need to get this off my chest, I love being your friend but lately I’ve been acting off because I’ve developed a small crush on you, I don’t want anything more than friendship but that explains why I’ve been distant”