Every major city seems to have one where single women post pictures and names of individuals and other women comment on their experience with that guy.

Here is an article talking about it:

https://www.glamour.com/story/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook-group/amp

31 comments

  3. Not only is this weird and intrusive but if I found myself on there I would ask to be taken off, and if they said no or ignored me, I would be sending a civil claim for harassment as well as copyright infringement.

    I don’t even care if the”reviews” are positive, I’m a private person and uploading my pictures without my consent and talking about me online publically could be defamation.

    So instant lawsuit if you refused to remove them.

  4. I can see the positives that can come from it, but what’s preventing someone from posting slander or lies about an innocent man?

  5. I think that for most, it’s a well intentioned effort to stay safe, but it’s easy to see how the misuse of a group like that could be unfair or abusive

  6. Dunno about the group…But some guys are simply banging tons of women.

    Shit like this is where the 80/20 rule…No matter how untrue it is…Feels true.

  10. Seems like one of those things that started with good intentions but will ultimately end up being abused.

  13. I’ll just say my peace on why I posted this:

    Today my ex of 6-months sent me a screenshot of my face/name in this group. A casual acquaintance of her who did not know we were no longer together sent it to her.

    This was weird to say the least. I have been on a few dates with women since we broke-up but to be honest they were always 1-2 and done, never anything physical…. Just wasn’t interested/no chemistry.

    To my shock (per her acquaintance) there were 4 comments on it. I’m the metro of a city of about 5MM people, so it’s not small by any means.

    I have no idea what was said about me, but apparently the poster says we’re “seeing” eachother…. I’m not seeing anyone, not even anything close that could be misconstrued as seeing someone.

    I have zero idea what has been posted about me, but the fact it could get “back” to me so quickly is disturbing. I always paid for the dates, was nice and when I wasn’t interested in advancing communicated my lack of interest. Typically that’s met with a “no big deal” and we “part ways”…. but it hasn’t always been positively received.

    So I’m kinda at a loss on how to feel about this. I have no idea who is saying what about me. I have no way of defending myself. I’m at the mercy of anyone that wants to comment about me, even if they don’t know me… because we all know how truthful people are online. The groups are private and women are only allowed.
    I can see the value these groups could bring if they were more black and white, like:

    – is this person dating someone else
    – is this person abusive

    Or things like that, but from what I have found from other sources online it seems to be more:

    – does he pay
    – is it worth my time
    – do you feel like you were burned by this person etc…

    Seems highly subjective and just a way to shit on a person. No one likes being “dumped” or “broken off with” – this would be a perfect area to exact some cheap revenge with stories that are completely unprovable and only told from one point of view.

    I personally don’t believe anything negative was said about me, but I go out of my way to be amicable. I know how my friends have handled similar situations and it seems to me they would not want that plastered out there for people located right in their area to see, guy or girl.

    I don’t know, what are your guys thoughts?

  14. This is an abomination, women can character assassinate and socially bully men out of the marketplace because of petty reasons.

  16. I love the idea in principle and have thought of a dating app that mirrors LinkedIn where you can leave reviews on past partners to help people know the good and bad. But the reality is that breakups often lead to pettiness and bias so in practice its just not gonna work

  17. Change the gender of the group.

    Let’s say it’s guys sharing photos and details of women to find out about their dating histories.

    Are we still for it?

    Not saying it’s not useful.

    Just wondering if the freedom to investigate someone’s personal history would be afforded to men with the same benevolent endorsement.

  20. If we started online groups where we shared images of girls we had been with — inviting others to comment on their experiences with her — we would undoubtedly face condemnation for our ‘piggish’ behaviour.

  21. Sounds like it started off with good intentions but will slowly devolve in a massive slander and petty fest.

  23. The vast majority of the time, I see these as a good thing. Until one vindictive woman screws over some innocent guy for no good reason.

    Edit, also statistically women cheat as much as men. Would men be allowed to make a similar group without being attacked for being “misogynistic”.

  25. So they have a Facebook group where they are doxxing dudes? They can’t verify people’s intents, you can have criminals in there waiting to see if a guy has money to rob or get close to him using a woman. There could be women who just want to harm men, and knowing that these guys are looking is her way in.

    They just don’t give a shit about these guys’ safety or even their own because someone could piece together your location using their name, the guy’s name, and info from the story you told about him. If they said they went to X steak house for dinner, someone looks up the guy’s name, and he has where he works in his profile. They can compare steak houses to the closest company locations. Then check her profile to see if they can get more location data. Oh, look, she graduated from X high school. There is a steak house and his company in that area.

    I know all that sounds silly, but this all can happen when you are careless with your data.

  26. Mate any woman that would be in that ridiculous group is not the woman you should strive to be with.

  28. “There are no good single men left in New York City.”

    LMAO. Its the first sentence of the article for me.

  30. This reminded me of the Tragedy of the Commons problem, applied at a huge scale — basically that the rational decision you would make, collectively, is bad for society overall.

    In this case with the FB groups, this same double standard comes back on women in places they don’t forecast or expect. Ideas and movements that assume women are inherently good and men are inherently bad ALWAYS results in unexpected consequences for the group that thinks it’s the good people.

    Because all people have the good and bad parts of human nature. Every group will have some who lie, scheme, abuse, and disrupt, just because. Just for the hell of it.

    [https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2019/05/21/men-dont-want-to-mentor-women-study-says-how-women-can-get-the-career-advice-they-need/?sh=65568d261470](https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2019/05/21/men-dont-want-to-mentor-women-study-says-how-women-can-get-the-career-advice-they-need/?sh=65568d261470)

    The result ends up being bad for women.

    Of course, that, too, is blamed on men. 😄

    That article was from 3 years ago, and the trend is even worse now. If I worked a corporate job, I would never agree to mentor women or men (because either can lie and claim the older male acted inappropriately or sexually).

    Believe All W*men quickly developed into presume the guy is guilty. In a lot of companies, especially big ones, it’d be an immediate suspension by HR, pending investigation, if a woman said your male gaze lasted too long. Or your bluntness about facts (truth) was taken as verbal abuse.

    Not helping younger people, especially women, is 100% sensible for the older male employee, in a world where a single lie (or misunderstanding) can end your career and brand you. This is bad for everyone overall, but it’s likely the right thing to do, individually.

    Things like these FB groups are bad for everyone.

    Good luck convincing any individual not to participate, though.

  31. I know a woman who was on the dating apps for years in my area. I would always ask if she had met or dated anyone to get a quick rundown. It was great because it was a small network of 3-4 of us that reported back. Certainly was a safety help and time saver. I always took their input with a grain of salt, but some of the stories I heard were horrific. The time she went to a date’s house and he tried to make out with her with his daughter asleep in the room.

    I can see being alarmed by this but if you’re not a woman, you have zero idea of the constant fear in the back of your mind when dealing with any man you’ve not known for 6 months plus. Men can totally snap on women, previously, seemingly totally “nice” guys that start abusing a woman the minute she let’s her guard down. That’s where this comes from.

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