I’ve had a history of chronic illnesses since I was a teenager. It has only worsened in the past couple of years. Until 2022 I was studying- undergrad followed by masters. Undergrad is where I made my friends (I still don’t know how, I’m introverted, socially anxious, ADHD. I think I just got adopted by a few awesome extroverts.)
Conversations are better when I can talk to people about their lives. But eventually when they ask me about how things are going at my end, I struggle to give a good answer. Until last year I could talk about my master’s course. I briefly had a job till November, so I could talk about that too. But after that I’ve been on a break rehabilitating from a spinal disc injury. I’m still looking for jobs, since I’m almost done with physio in the upcoming weeks.
But enough, background. I want to know how people here deal with friends enquiring about their life and circumstances when things haven’t been going well for a long time. Complaining once in a while is fine. But generally you don’t want to be the person who’s always coming up with negative news… Saying “I dunno, nothing much, it’s all the same as always” aslo feels like it doesn’t contribute to the discussion, plus it makes me feel even more dull than usual.
TL; DR- Basically if you don’t have a job or you’re going through a lot of negative/ depressing stuff in your life, or you’re a shut in or any other reason, how do you deal with questions asking you about your life and how you’re doing? Especially with close friends.
3 comments
I feel the need to express myself because Ive felt like that before and what made more sense to me is that everyone goes through different things in life.
We may have a setback, may not have the support we need when we are teenagers, we may have a terminal illness, we may be dealt with hardships.
We are all going through different milestones at different times. Some are dealt with an easier card than others
And sometimes it’s our thoughts and what we think can affect us and how we perceive things.
Find solace with your life and pick up interests and hobbies that you can attend to. You can be open how you are going and where you are at.
It’s perfectly fine to not be okay.
“Things are pretty good. Thanks for asking.”
You have no obligation to express anything you don’t want to. Your feelings and thoughts are yours and yours alone to share or to not share.
Give a generic answer and change the topic, if someone starts digging for specifics well, one that’s kind of weird, and two you can say you don’t really want to talk about it right now.
Or have fun with it, start making up stories to tell people and see their reactions, that’s always fun and it isn’t their business anyways.
If it’s your family, though, or a close friend, there shouldn’t be any shame in being honest with people you can trust. If you have supportive people, let them know things are rough. Loved ones can help even if it’s just an ear to listen.
Don’t be ashamed of where you are in life. Everyone has their own struggles that we hide.
Both for the sake of your conversations, and for the sake of YOURSELF, you should have something going on in your life that you’re passionate about, that brings you joy, that you’re happy to be focused on. If people ask about things that are NOT going well (health/job/boyfriend/whatever) then answer that BRIEFLY (“Could be better but I’m working on it!”) and then transition to a GOOD topic that you’re HAPPY to report on.
e.g. I’m taking a painting class that I LOVE! I just learned to cook a new dish! I’ve started volunteering at a soup kitchen, it’s SO fulfilling! I started listening to a new podcast and its FASCINATING!
Etc.
In other words, focus on the good, not the bad. People just want a great conversation, they don’t need a resume.
As an aside, if you don’t HAVE anything positive to focus on, then I’d start looking for a thing to do. Even if it’s just a GREAT podcast that inspires you!