Two days ago, my boyfriend(33M) made it seem as if he wanted to see me(26). He was asking if I was going to be done with work early, etc. It was a couple days since we last saw each other. I wanted us to spend time together. So I invited himself to join me run an errand trip for work. He gladly joined me after getting off work, despite him being sick.
When we were at my second stop, which was the last stop, his friend calls him. They were on the phone the entire time. Yet, my boyfriend had the audacity to rush me, so he can be home and relax. Boyfriend complains that he feels like he’s shopping with his mother because I was taking my “sweet” time. Meanwhile, I’m stress shopping at home furnishing stores, for my AirBnB properties. I wanted him to come along for company because I thought he wanted to see me.
When we got back to his place, he says I never seem have a “sense of urgency.” He always wants to get things done fast. However, with his friends he’ll stay up late to hang out with them or to play video-games. I’m debating if I should I have a conversation with him about this?
Tl:dr- invited my boyfriend to run errands with me for work because I thought he truly wanted to see me. He kept rushing me, when I took him home decor shopping for my rental properties. He’ll even kick me out early so he can “sleep.” Yet, time is no limit for his friends. Do I bother having a conversation with him?
9 comments
He wants to rush through it because he finds it boring, would be my guess.
This is why my SO and I don’t shop together. He’s in and out of the grocery store like a bullet and if he can’t find what he needs,oh well. But he can spend an hour at the electronics store, no problem.
I walk through the grocery aisles because I may be inspired or find something new.
It is probably worth the convo to talk about how he asked to spend time with you and then ignored you to talk to his friends and how that made you feel.
This is honestly one of the secret pillars of a good relationship IMHO. I grew up with a mom that could spend hours and hours at a mall, Ross, tj Maxx etc…on top of that we were pretty poor so young me hated all those places. I dated lots of people but didn’t realize how important this was until my 30s. My fiance had a mom that was similar, but more on the hoarder side. Now that I’m doing well financially I don’t mind going to the mall, outlet mall, and what not on the weekend for.few hours. Luckily my fiance is the same way. We both enjoy shopping but we’re quick about it. She’s goes into a Kate Spade or LuLulemon and she’s in and out in like 5 min. She knows what she’s wants and isn’t “exploring” for shit and giggles (except for situations like vacation, shopping for snow gear in Florida). I honestly don’t see what all the fuss is about as I like spending time with her. We grab Starbucks, and we still go into places like gamestop and bestbuy, which we both love. We talk about the things we see, people we see, it’s usually a good time when you aren’t whiny about it.
In OPs situation i would talk about it if the relationship is important to you. You seem to be doing well, buying furniture for your airbnbs, and as a partner that’s something I’d love to help out with. It seems like your guy is in the large group of guys that either hates shopping, or isn’t interested unless it’s something he wants to do. That’s like the textbook definition of selfish. So just know there are guys out there that would love to furniture shop with you.
Some people just don’t like errands. It’s not quality time to them, it’s stressful. Were your asking for his input or just expecting him to hang out?
Also, comparing shopping to video games? Girl. I love shopping but I’ll take gaming with my friends any day. (Especially if I don’t have to leave my house since I’m a homebody.)
Does he consider you “wrong” for being different in other ways as well?
He wanted to see you.
He resented seeing you within the context you mentioned.
He didn’t really have a right to do that since he invited himself along on your errands. He’s acting like a brat.
You two can and should have conversation. But it should be about preferences, about what who imagined that afternoon to be and not about who is in the wrong. He might have wanted date, but that is not the same as shopping for work together. He might have imagined it to be quick in and out affair. Meanwhile, you imagined it as stress free shopping while also chatting and generally being together.
> He always wants to get things done fast. However, with his friends he’ll stay up late to hang out with them or to play video-games.
I dont find these two to be in opposition. The hanging out playing games is relaxing. Many people are impatient and want to do things fast, but also enjoy hanging out with friends.
I had an ex-boyfriend that would spend over an hour in thrift stores. I found it absolutely maddening. There were other issues, such as that I found what he got was always junk. Most of the time all I’d see was junk I didn’t want to waste money on it. A lot of thrift stores aren’t that great around here and never had any clothing I’d actually buy. Just a ton of elderly people clothing or ruined and worn clothing. I would start dropping him off at thrift stores instead and doing my own thing.
We eventually broke up due to other issues. The rental we lived in together with his younger brother (who was just as bad about junk) turned into a semblance of a hoarder house. Like 20 chairs sitting inside and outside. I came to visit and it just SMELLED like a thrift store. I was happy we’d broken up.
My point is, every couple has something like this. You just work together, communicate, and compromise to keep each other happy.
> He’ll even kick me out early so he can “sleep.” Yet, time is no limit for his friends. Do I bother having a conversation with him?
Seems like he’s showing you your place in his life/priority list.
I’d be very annoyed if my husband wanted to spend time with him so he came with me to run errands and then rushed me. This makes me sad because we enjoy doing dumb stuff like running errands together. We enjoy spending time together. Find you someone like that.
>He’ll even kick me out early so he can “sleep.” Yet, time is no limit for his friends.
Are you ok with this? Being a low priority? This is the crux of your issues.