I’ve been struggling for some time now when it comes to meshing in with public and invite groups for hockey. I play as a goalie so I tend to fill in for other goalies on various teams, private games, and I also attend public games hosted by the city were people register and show up for an hour or so of hockey.
I would say that I’m more introverted for the most part but I can be very social too. Finding some common ground can be a struggle off the bat because I’m really into tech, but also really enjoy playing hockey as a goalie while at the same time not really caring about what is on TV and which sport teams are winning or doing whatever. When other goalies are in my change room we instantly connect and talk about gear or anything related. The problem I seem to have is that I feel like an outsider when it comes to the players (not goalies) in every group I attend no matter how often I go to the same group, and I do understand as the fill in I’m not going to be best friends, but there feels like a lot of awkwardness in maintain a conversation.
My interactions are generally your standard “hello”, and I’ll compliment good plays and effort throughout the game, while joking around. I also ask people a lot about themselves to break the ice a bit more. Out of the many groups I’ve gone to I’ve only connected mostly with the goalies, and one player who also happened to be a programmer.
When I reached out to the hockey community to get feedback I was pretty much told it is a “me” problem, and maybe it is because I suck at the game, or I’m just an awkward person.
On the flip side I can be much more social as I do have a regular group I attend and sometimes I need to bring out random goalies. When I reach out and meet up with them at the rink I introduce that goalie to everyone, we all joke around and have a good time before the game. Even during the warm up I skate over and we all chat it up and bit and have fun before the puck drops. After the game the goalies are always asking to come back and the environment just feels more positive.
When I’ve subbed in for another goalie I’ve never been introduced to anyone, and it seems very awkward where I have to put in that 200% effort to even strike up a conversation but even then it still feels odd.
I’m not really sure what to do, and it has started to impact my ability to get groups. I’m also starting to enjoy the sport a lot less because of this, and hockey being a team sport it really doesn’t help when you’re unable to mesh with the other players. I don’t make inappropriate jokes, I don’t get into anything controversial, and I usually just stick to talking about things in the now related to the game, and asking people about themselves.
1 comment
Ask yourself these two questions.
“Am I a good person?”
“Am I enough?”
The answer to these should be yes.
If they are not, ask yourself why. And give yourself the REAL answer. Not the answer you would tell a friend. The REAL answer that the voice in your head tells you.
See, the issue is not with other players, your gameplay, jokes, comments or anything that happens outside of you.
You said you’ve made a few connections and that’s amazing, it’s more than some people can say
The issue is that you are looking to OTHERS for SELF worth. It’s called self worth for a reason. If you believe you are enough, people’s opinion of you falls flat because you know who you are and what your bring to the table. Don’t let the world tell you who you are. Show them.