how to convince parents to get married to an old guy?

27 comments

1. How long have you been dating?

2. Hi, mid thirties woman here who got married fairly young at 22 to a man my own age (still happily married). Seen my fair share of family/friends go through bad relationship situations.

   You don’t realize it yet but this older man is only with you because you are inexperienced (you don’t have the experience to recognize the bullshit yet). We have been your age once and we remember how naive we were. That is normal. You feeling like you love this person is normal. But it doesn’t make it healthy. He doesn’t actually like you for who you will be once you come into your own with more experience.

   You probably won’t believe me, your parents, or the other people who will comment here. But it is a tale as old as time and you should really think long and hard before you commit to this person. If you notice red flags, don’t ignore them. They only get worse, not better, and you can’t fix him.

3. Best advice is show them how he makes you happy and a better person and treats you like an equal and best friend

4. Listen to your parents.

5. Wait five years. If you still want to marry him then, then you should be able to just tell your parents rather than ask them. There’s a very good reason they disapprove; usually, relationships with such a broad age gap simply don’t last. There are too often elements of abuse due to power imbalances. Make certain you are financially independent and don’t get pregnant until the five years are up.

6. [removed]

7. They should get together, they’ll probably have a lot to talk about since they’re probably closer in age than you and he are.

8. If I could I would hurl my own body down the isle to stop you. In 10 years you’ll be someone completely different. Just wait dude another will come that will be a better choice. I’m serious don’t do it. I am you in 10 years telling you to STOP.

9. My answer to any how to convince my parents to let me do X question. You probably won’t be able to. Depending on what X is the rest is you probably should be trying to realize why they think X is a bad idea or you’re an adult so act like one and go forward without their approval. In this case try to see their view. Think of how you see yourself at 30, 40, 50. Now add 20 years to him. You’ll be changing his diapers and being his caregiver when you are in the prime of your life. How old will he be when your children graduate from high school. Or does he want kids at this age even when you are at an age you probably don’t for the moment but might later. You’re in two completely different places in life and maturity.

10. Yikes

11. I agree with the other posters to the extent of not rushing marriage. I agree that the age difference might very well prove a burden. I know someone currently who regrets marrying someone 15 years older. But I don’t feel able to say that the man does not love you for you, or that you are blind.

    Life can get tricky. I married a women 3 years older than me and even that created some timetabling issues. I had a career, she didn’t. I had kids at 33 when I might have waited a bit, because of fertility concerns. By the time we were trying for child number 3 the risks of genetic disorders was higher and we kept miscarrying so chose to stop. My wife can’t really be bothered starting a career now and doing the kind of hours I did in my 20s and 30s.

    You will have your own and unique challenges based of your circumstances, such as nursing an old man perhaps when just retiring. There might also be a few good or arguably good things like financial security. That also means you did not build it together as friends struggling to get by, which can break some marriages, but really bond people if they manage.

12. Don’t! You will be a different person, 10 years from now. Let that grown man go. Continue to grow and figure out what you want out of life, ya know, besides a man.

13. Not necessarily is he taking advantage etc. Some people can have innocent motives and be in it for right reasons. I was 18 when I met my husband he was 37. 16 years later were now married and soulmates. We got married 10-27-20. If the man truly loves you he’ll make peace with your parents and prove to them he wants what’s best for their daughter and truly loves her has no I’ll motives. My first date was at home. I invited my now husband to dinner met my dad. Then later on my mother which I regret anyone seeing that train wreck lol. Just start with inviting them to dinner and go through a 1950s courtship to keep them at ease. Move slow don’t rush.

14. There is an Age gap sub in reddit where this post should be and people will not be so judgemental.

    My advice is to not think about marriage now and wait to see if that man is exactly the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the age doesn t matter.

15. You are legally an adult so not sure your parents can forbid it. But they are right to discourage it. This guy is too old for you.

16. You’re so young. I work for a family with a 25 year age gap between the parents and the mom is so so energetic and engaged and the dad is my dad’s age and is already dwindling a bit. Energy wise, Memory wise etc. Not saying age gap relationships are all bad but the very real truth is you won’t be aging in the same ways as your partner. Relationships are hard and I feel like in a decade that age gap may be less appealing. Perhaps not but I would really reflect on what it is you want out of life because you are truly so young.

17. If you need your parents to let you get married, you aren’t ready to get married.

    We are comfortable in relationships with our emotional peers. If you are emotional equals at 22 and 40+, you will outgrow him in about 5 years. In 10 years, his lack of growth and lack of maturity will be a serious problem, assuming he hasn’t already replaced you with another 22 year old emotional peer.

    It isn’t that he isn’t a good person or that you can’t really love each other, but that your emotional capacity will change substantially over the next 5 years, and it is highly unlikely you two will still be in the same emotional space.

18. Is he rich😉

19. Heya, 22F married to a 39M! I only had to get my mom’s approval and it wasn’t too hard, but thought I’d share a positive story!

    My mom pretty much did a “you’re an adult, you can do what you want” talk with me and I could tell she wasn’t 100% on board, but after my guy showed her time and time again (this was only in the span of about six months) that he was willing to earn her approval and that he had no foul intentions, she’s come to love him! He always includes her in any family events on his side and reminds me to talk to her or get her a small gift for when we visit her, super sweet! <3

    I mean really all you can do is let them meet him and they’ll have their opinions regardless. If he’s really as awesome as you think he is, they’ll hopefully see that and look past his age!

    I’m still close with my mom after moving out, but even if she didn’t accept him, I’m not sure I’d of been able to drop this wonderful man!

    (He’s sleeping right now cause it’s 1:36 am and everytime I shuffle and wake him he’s mumbling he loves me, that and all the other little things makes it totally worth any judgement from anyone!)

    Tl;Dr: Your happiness is what you make it, and if he makes you happy, and is a good partner who works with you as a team that’ll grow together, I don’t see any problem here! Good luck and I hope your parents approve of him!

20. Wait bloody 5 years for Christ’s sake.

    Your life cycles are completely different, and they will be in years to come.

21. As a mom there’s really nothing my daughter could say to make me comfortable with her marrying an older man at such a young age.

    and as a young woman who was in the same situation as you three years ago, I know there’s nothing I can say to you to change your mind. I was 21, he was early 40s. We loved each other deeply, I truly thought I’d found my soulmate. All I want you to understand is so so much changes between 22 and 25. That might seem silly but remember how you felt at seventeen? If you’re like most of us you thought you were all grown up and knew everything you needed to about the world. Then you’re 21 and you look back and realize shoot— I was just a kid. There’s so much I had yet to learn about myself and the woman I was becoming.

    At 22 our brains are still growing and strengthening so many of our skills, especially decision making. This is a beautiful time in your life where you get to explore who the beautiful young woman you’ve grown to be is and all the choices this world has to offer her. Your boyfriend has already been there, done that and you deserve to as well.

    So how can you convince your parents? Give it time. If my daughter came to me at 26 or 27 with a 40 year old boyfriend (I still wouldn’t like him but..) I’d be much more comfortable supporting her choice. and please, talk to any woman you can who’s over 30 and ask her what she thinks about a 22 year old woman dating an older man. There are certain wisdoms of womanhood that can only be gotten with the passage of time.

22. lol what u gonna do when ur kids are born and ur husband is too old to even help u care for them

23. Your parents are right. You are dating a big problem. You must be mindful that even under the best circumstances, in 10 years you will be a young woman who’s married to an old man. Again take your parents advise. They are right.

24. If at 22 you think your parents can stop you from getting married, you aren’t ready to get married.

25. I hate to tell you, but your parents are probably right. 🙂

    Look, I was a divorced dad in my 40s a number of years ago. I even dated a few women your age……just to confirm that it wasn’t the right fit. What I didn’t like was the complete lack of common life experiences, a younger woman’s likely (normal) desire to have some babies someday AND the complete financial imbalance in the relationship.

    That last one is pretty huge. It’s not that I didn’t want a younger woman to “take my money”, I just don’t like the power imbalance money can bring to a relationship. I’d like to know that my woman is with me because she likes me……not because her life is more glamorous because of me. And obviously money always plays a role, but I didn’t like how LARGE of a role it played.

    Have you guys talked about that? And what about babies? Do you want some? That’s fine if you do……it’s a pretty normal thing for humans to want! That’s why there are 7B humans on earth, lol. But he may not. Very few 40-something men really want babies, but a lot will tell a woman they’ll “consider it”.

26. Listen to your parents.

27. Don’t marry an older man. Wait and fall in love with someone your age. I am in this position now. I love my husband, but I do not love him as much as when we were dating. We dated for a few years, and he was the sweetest person. Not anymore. He’s now lazy and spends all his time on shows & movies. To make it worse, he is not as ambitious as I am. He talks about wanting to do things but can never move his ass to do them. He promises but never lives up to them.

    Years ago, while dating, I was made to believe he had everything all figured out. I was wrong. I now fear I would have to carry the weight of my family for the rest of our lives.
    If you don’t mind being the breadwinner, the primary caregiver for your child/kids, and the one who solely takes care of the home, go ahead.
    You are so young. You deserve someone who will push through life with you. Not someone who will sit on the sidelines while watching you do all the work yourself.
    You are lucky to have your parents. Listen to them! Have all the fun you want but do not commit to a marriage.
    Good luck!