I’m 20 and still have no friends. There’s nowhere local to me I know where I can find people and I’m not even capable of socialising online.

Everyone tells me if I want friends I need to get drunk and go clubbing, but I don’t wanna do that, and I don’t wanna make friends that do that.

I feel like it’s not asking for much to socialise without drugs/alcohol involved but everyone acts like I’m a “miserable prick” for not wanting that. People who rely on drugs for fun are always boring as hell, I just don’t want that kind of social life. I want people who are actually fun to talk to and have stuff in common with me, but it’s impossible to find anything like that.

Am I in the wrong? Am I really meant to just destroy my individuality so I can fit in? I don’t know what to do, it feels like I lose either way.

7 comments

  1. Well I’m gonna be honest with you in this day and age finding people who don’t drink or do drugs is not common. This may be a stereotype but if your looking for people who don’t do these things it’s generally the quieter of the bunch. I went through something similar but I found a girl who doesn’t do any of those things and now we’re friends you just gotta look for the quiet ppl man idrkk

  2. Have you tried finding activities/events in your area centered around stuff you like to do and chatting people up there?

  3. I may not be the perfect person to reply to this, since I’m pretty much in the same situation, but, ignore all that stuff about get drunk and make friends or even a gf/bf, if that’s the kind of person that you want to avoid, avoid it at all cost.

    Make your own rules, live at your own pace.
    I cannot give you any kind of advice about how to talk to people or make friends, but don’t destroy what you are, and what person you want to be.
    Think about what kind of person you would be if you started to do that, maybe something will happen and that thing may be something that previously you hated.

    You never know. But your mood gets better when you know that you’re keep going while being the person that you like, but obviously, without the lonely part.

    But don’t delete yourself, keep being that person you admire. And, as other comments already said, look for quieter people. Or just look for people in other places. Go to a library, if you like it, of course. And say hi to someone.

    Go to the gym or participate in any friendly sport and make friends with the people of your team, idk.

    If you are everyday in a place that’s full of people, look and ask for people that you never talked to before.

    If you travel in any public transport, look at someone and say hi or ask something funny to start a conversation.

    I can’t really help too much, sorry, but I’m sure that there’s a way to live properly while being yourself. It just that we don’t know it yet.

  4. How big is the town or city you live in? Have you tried meetup groups ([meetup.com](https://meetup.com))?

    Here are some apps for finding friends: [https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/platonic-dating-apps-bff/](https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/platonic-dating-apps-bff/) I’m sure you can Google to find more.

    You could also re-post to this sub and just ask “what apps can I used to find platonic friends,” which is a more direct question, if that is what you are really asking.

    It is absolutely not the case that everyone socializes by getting really drunk, although most people are willing to drink, say, one beer or one glass of wine. Even then, you should be able to find friends who don’t demand that _you_ drink alcohol if you don’t want to.

  6. Some vague advice would be try joining clubs on your interests. For example, if you like books, join a book club, an online book club at first, if offline is too overwhelming. Whatever community you join, keep it a goal to “form connection with people” and not “to make friends”.

    During the former, you focus more on actually getting to know the person and being in the moment. In the latter, you tend to get more self-conscious and hence stop your personality from coming out

    Secondly, work on your self-esteem and confidence. I don’t know if this will be applicable to you, but in most cases low self esteem and low confidence is the reason people cannot open up, and hence cannot connect.

    Let me know if this is applicable to you, or if I could help you with some other specific issue you’re facing

  7. I’m exactly in same situation as you. I’m 19M and gradually lost all friends because everyone like to party and get high and I’m not like that and don’t want to be like them. I’ve noticed that people who party a lot, smoke and drink make friends very easily and silent and calm people like us gets nothing. if you’re into tech, we have a group of 4 people with similar interests and kind of same personality. hmu. we will be happy to have you there. 🙂

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