So my dads best friend (Bob) got sick, terminally sick. As a couple Bob and his wife (Kat) didn’t have any family or close friends. My dad was Bobs best friend. So my dad started helping out a lot. Going to the house to care for Bob while Kat was at work. Then my dad started helping Kat out more. Arranging care homes, helping with solicitors, doing work on the house, walking the dog, helping take their daughter to college. The lines blurred between caring for Bob and supporting Kat. Another interesting point, in his whole life my dad never bothered learning how to text. Instead he would pass his phone to my mom and make her do it for him. When this started he learnt how to text. My mom got suspicious of all this contact and checked my dads phone record. Long phone calls morning and night when he was out walking the dogs and texting all day. My mom asked my dad to stop having so much contact. Then Bob died. Everything went a bit mad and again it fell to my dad to help register the death, drive to the daughter in college to tell her, arrange the funeral.
Bob owns a holiday home about 2 hrs away from where we live. I asked months before all this if I could go and stay there in Feb. Kat agreed to this. My dad said yesterday (a week before I am meant to go) that he was driving to this holiday home, to clean it up before I go. He said he would stay over night and come back the next morning. Now he is there he decided to stay another night, because apparently there is some work that needs to be done to this house. This didn’t sit right with me and I drove to Kats house tonight. Her car isn’t there. I also heard through a friend she hasn’t been at work yesterday and today. So now I’m convinced they are together at this holiday home.
I know – not my relationship I should butt out. But this is my mom who is getting hurt. Also I have to go to Bobs funeral in a couple of weeks and sit there with my mum, my dad and Kat.
What would you do? Can I confront my dad without forever burning bridges? Should I talk to my mom?
Please don’t tell me to leave it alone, it’s making me sick with anxiety. I need something.
7 comments
Do you know or are you assuming? You better have verifiable proof before you make this very serious accusation. A hunch is not good enough to destroy someone’s relationship.
Ask your dad if he spent those days with Kat at the vacation house. You don’t really have any idea where Kat was. You just know she wasn’t home.
Unfortunately…leave it alone. This is none of your business, and all you have is supposition. You could do irreparable damage to every relationship involved (parents, Kat, YOURS with both parents) by blowing this up over a mere hunch.
You do not know the extent of the relationship between Kat and Dad. You do not know what your mom knows. You don’t actually *know* anything.
ETA: If it helps – think it all the way through. What exactly would this accusation bring about? To what end? Not what you hope, but in reality? What good would it serve, *especially* if you are wrong?
I mean.. drive to the holiday home? Your dad should be there alone? If Kat’s car is there, you can confront them? Definitely record it if you do as evidence in case your dad tries to throw you under the bus to continue lying to your mom.
If you think you can’t emotionally handle that, then dont push yourself.
It sounds like your mom is already alerted to potential shenanigans. I dont think the two of you teaming up to play detectives will make the situation any better. Your mom may already know more than you about what’s going on.
What you think you “know” is all based on suspicion, not fact. Dont add fuel to the fire with rumors.
It is suspicious, trust your instinct and find proof. The best was that time when you found both your dad and Kat not at home, should have driven to the holliday home to confirm.
Try again, with cameras in his car for instance.
Your mom has to know something is up, They’ve been emotionally leaning on each other though this hard time. If they are cheating with each other they’ll blame it on grief.