How do you deal with people who are cold to you?

18 comments

1. I started being as civil as possible, but didn’t talk to them unless necessary. I currently work with a woman that is just plain rude. Sometimes she’s start a convo with me and be nice then 30 minutes later flip like a switch.

   What’s funny is she hated/hates me, but she can’t stand to have people not like her. So now she kisses my butt.

2. Blanket or turn up the heat

3. I myself am direct so I say something. Nothing rude or confrontational but I say something. Most of the time people don’t verbally command any level of respect from others directly for whatever reason. They always rely on passive aggressiveness or allowing themselves to drop down to their level and return the same negativity back towards them; however, that doesn’t really do much in the end except for create a two-way negative situation. If they know you’re not going to take their shit, in my experience anyway, they tend to back off a bit. The key is to not be confrontational or rude about it whenever you do it though or just becomes a game

4. Be the bigger person. Don’t retaliate to their actions. You can be more mature than that.

5. I’d doesn’t matter. I don’t need or expect my coworkers or people around me to be bright and happy. I don’t care much for small talk anyway so I just go about my day.

   If I work directly with them and they are always cold and short. It can be annoying but at the end of the day i don’t lose sleep over it

6. flamethrower

7. If it’s someone I have to interact with for business, I don’t mind it. I appreciate it when people who keep a distance and don’t try to talk to me. It’s much better than having someone annoying trying to befriend you.

   What is a “mutual friend” in this case? I don’t spend my free time with people if I don’t enjoy their company.

8. Be colder to them.

9. I just ignore it, be polite and kind, but won’t lift a finger outside what is required to help them if asked.

   If they don’t want a better relationship and the benefits that come with it and just want to be bare bones colleague’s, then fair enough, I won’t lose sleep over it, but I’m not going to make any extra effort where it won’t be reciprocated, noticed or appreciated.

10. If it’s a coworker I just ignore it, who cares? If it’s a “friend” I should be better to myself and not be friends with them

11. Don’t let it bother you. A coworker who acts cold is not a problem as long as they are doing their job properly. A friend of a friend you don’t seem to warm up with is just… decoration for a good evening with people you acutally want see.

    If someone wants to be irrelevant to you, give em that.

12. Define “cold”

    I’m sure people have misinterpreted me for being cold because I‘m an introvert with anxiety

13. It’s kind of a mental exercise but if you understand a variety of people’s personality differences and behaviors you sometimes find people don’t always express or come across as they appear. Many have insecurities that alter their behavior. And my fav question on a psych test: “are you aware of your facial expressions.” (This tells me some are not and some uncontrolled.

    So, try responding without being distracted by them. Like, if eye contact makes you uncomfortable, do less if it, but answer responsively and respectfully to your best. Try a day of responsiveness vs initiation. Then maybe as you progress you initiate based on your findings and observations about others and them towards you.

    You’re basically desensitizing your life. In theater, some people shit their pants viewing the audience. But if you stare at the back wall, you can sometimes dance, sing or deliver lines even with a timid personality.

    Understanding cold people or just how to deal with them takes a bit of both as described above.

14. First I am trying to understand the reason for their behavior – it could be due to personal or external factors. Then I approach them with a friendly and open attitude. If it doesn’t work – just stay cold as they are.

15. I couldn’t care less. I don’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea.

16. By returning the favour.

17. Treat them with indifference. Engage when you need to. Just think of them as the help to do your job. They’re coworkers, not your friend and being cold and indifferent can be very mutual.

18. Bu not dealing with them as much as possible.