my boyfriend (23M) and i (20F) have a very committed relationship. it’s actually the such a healthy relationship. he’s like my best friend. our families get along so well. it’s like we’re such a powerful force together and he’s so supportive. the possibility of us moving in together is arising in the next year/ two years but it makes me a bit nervous. i feel scared that moving in can harm our relationship. for example, issues with finances.
tl;dr: basically in the title: me and my bf are considering the possibility of moving in but i’m afraid we’re too young
11 comments
If moving in together harms your relationship, then it was never going to work out anyway. Living together eventually tends to be the natural progression of a relationship, for most people.. Definitely talk over things like finances and chores beforehand though.
If you’re still going to school, don’t move in with him. It is a huge mistake to tie the viability of a romantic relationship to your ability to complete your education.
Additionally, if you can’t pay half of the rent and expenses don’t move in with a romantic partner. Don’t allow yourself to be economically trapped in a relationship.
It depends on how long you’ve been dating. If you’ve been together at least a year, then I think it’s an OK move. If 2 years, then definitely. If you’re in school, living together can be a bit chaotic due to different schedules of classes and work.
Absolutely 100% do NOT get married without living with one another. Living with someone is so different than being over at one anothers place all of the time. You learn a lot from one another, and it can be fun!
Move in with a plan for what you would do if you needed to move out. When me and my husband first moved in we had only been going out for 5 months but we found a place he could have afforded alone (just about) and if something had happened I would have moved back in with my mum and dad. We had the discussion and the plan so we weren’t trapped. And it was amazing and we fell even more in love. It’s good you’re thinking logically about the risks – I hope it works out well for you!
If you have never lived anywhere but your parents house, you both need to live on your own a while before moving in together. A year would be the minimum I’d say.
This will help you establish independence and your own wants and needs.
This also will ensure that if this relationship lasts forever that you don’t feel you “missed out” on living independently.
You should definitely have the financial issues hammered out before you commit to a lease that you’re both legally beholden to. It’s not cheap.
Then of course, you need a plan if things don’t work out in your relationship. As you said, you are both young and both have a lot more growing to do and even if you think you’re a power couple now, you may end up going together or end of growing apart. And any chance that you grow apart, the both of you would still be legally held responsible for the lease. That can be messy.
If you do decide to go ahead with it, my big recommendation is do not under any circumstances join your finances together in a joint account.
It may well be a positive step if you both go into it with your eyes open, prepare yourselves for what it’s going to be like and accept the fact that (statistically) the relationship might end. Get used to the idea that if it does end it won’t be the end of the world, or necessarily the end of your friendship. In the real world, not everything has to end in drama!
Engage the help of both sets of parents to make a list of household tasks, and both of you do them all for your respective parents for a month so you get an idea of how much you love / hate each of them, and how long they’re typically likely to take each week. Then negotiate between you, **before** you move in, who is doing what and how often. You’ll typically find a lot of tasks that one of you doesn’t mind doing at all, and a few things that neither of you particularly want to do – sorting this is good practice!
Keep finances separate, both contribute equally, and don’t take on a very long lease.
Most of all, enjoy your newfound freedoms together!
Hi! I would like for you to be on the positive side of this situation and try to make the most out of it. This will only work if the both of you put in the effort and I believe that if you guys are supportive of one another then it’s possible you guys can make this happen. When I was 18 I moved out and lived in my college dorm by myself so I had some experience living on my own already. When my bf was also 18 he lived with his brother and worked full time so he learned a few things about living on his own without his parents. Because of this, we knew how to be independent and basically live together. As for finances, my bf decided it was best that I put my focus on school and stayed at home while he worked full time. He made a good amount to provide for the both of us so we were doing pretty well together. I decided that if he worked full time that I would take care of our apartment and cook bc it seemed fair since he took care of the bills. During this time we were 20 and had been together for 2 years now. This is what worked for us but before we moved together we had made a plan of how we were each going to contribute to this. Personally, I think it’s in your best interest to continue your studies and have your bf work full time. that way you don’t get too caught up in working and having to be a full time college student as well.
I think if you have doubts it might be better to hold off on moving in. If you’re spending all your time at his place, you might move in anyways, but without the pressure of having to decide that immediatly. That worked great in my relationship and we ended up living together in his one room apartement for 1 1/2 years before finally deciding to rent something bigger together
My husband of 30 years and I married at 20 and 23. He was finishing his BS, I was working on my master’s.
It’s harder when you marry because you have to make decisions together, and that fact itself may change some decisions. But it’s also easier married than just living together. Were we young and dumb and in love? Yes. Were we also committed to the relationship and each other? Also yes– and in ways that simply living together would not have bound us.
Regrets? Nope. When you know, you know.
Living together is really for people who don’t know.
I did this with my high school bf. He moved down to where my university was so we could live in the same town and then moved in after a year so I could be at the dorms. Honestly if you are on the married track and he supports your education it’s totally fine. The brake up was the worst part since we had to buy out our lease but at any age you will have to deal with that. Just because you are young doesn’t mean you should not move in together.