What was the most disrespectful experience you have gone through?

29 comments

1. Male teacher assuming I wouldn’t wanna go to uni because I’m of a certain ethnic background lol basically implying I’m just going to get married off. I’m single with a law degree so fuck him

2. Bride asked me to step out of her group wedding photos (which her extended family had pulled me into) because she didn’t think my boyfriend of four, five years and I would last. I was escorted away by her photographer in front of a fairly large group of people, most of whom looked quite taken aback.

   He’s my husband now, so… 🤷‍♀️

   (They also thanked literally everyone at the wedding except for me, despite the fact I had spent the previous night helping make centrepieces and set things up with the rest of the ladies… whom they all individually thanked, despite meeting a few of them for the first time ever right before the wedding.)

3. When you worked your ass off; attaining credentials, delivering beyond expectations, maintaining healthy networks, etc.

   For male colleagues to say you only got to where you are because you probably slept your way upwards.

4. In middle school, the blonde girls racist towards the POC kids, but got to cry their way out of it. Feign ignorance and innocence. The POC were told to be patient, educate and make the bullies more comfortable around us. As per usual, burden the victims. As a black girl, I wouldn’t have been able to cry, and bat my eyelashes out of that bullshit.

5. Had a fucking doctor tell me to believe in god (and I am NOT Christian and he didn’t even ask me for permission to talk about religion) when I sought help for my mental health. Oh and also, told me that there are kids in Africa starving so I should be thankful and grateful. I went out, embarrassed, angry and I was at the brink of tears. Went home to cry and this experience affected me for many years after that. Doesn’t help that another “counsellor” from my school compared my mental health issues to his eczema.

   It doesn’t affect me now because I have healed and recovered, but who knows how many people were subjected to that kind of treatment.

   F them.

6. When I was in hospital at 12 years old a social worker asked me which school I attend. In my country we have elementary school together and then there a different types of school depending on how well you did in elementary school. She didn’t even waited until I answered to assume, I go to the least advanced school possible because I am not white. She didn’t say it out loud but already had scribbled it down in her notes. Racism is not always as obvious, but it still exists.

7. Every situation with trauma, every situation where I was disregarded even with proof, waiting and fighting for now 14 years for a proper medical diagnoses, being explained the economy (my field is international economics), reacting to “How poorly” I cope with some things, being told I don’t know what pain is, being told I’m too crazy to be friends with, being seen as lazy when it’s not even one of my lazy days (I do take a day off but not everyday…when it is often I’m in pain)…..wow this kinda puts some things in perspective for me….

8. Found out my partner of 9 years (2 and a half long distance) was lying, about multiple things in regards to where he was, who he was with, wanting to come back home etc and he just disappeared, hasn’t spoken to me since Saturday.

   No messages, no phonecalls, no apologies or explanations after I wasted almost 3 years waiting for him to come home.

9. TW: sexual assault

   ​

   My marriage?

   * I was often told “I married you because you’re smart and independent”, but all of my answers regarding handy-man or automotive questions needed to be fact checked through his brother.
   * I had to ask if I was allowed to drink at social gatherings, otherwise the default was that he got to drink, and I was the sober driver.
   * I was expected to handle house chores because his job was more physically demanding than mine, even though I worked (on average) 15 more hours per week.
   * He would drop everything if he was asked to hang out with a friend, but I had to beg for attention.
   * If I rejected his sexual advances for more than two days in a row, he would touch and undress me while I was sleeping, because you can’t say no if you’re not awake!

   Towards the end, it was clear that I was no longer a person to him.

10. My entire 3 year relationship with my ex. I really disrespected myself by staying with him. I knew. I KNEW by the end of the first year (actually less than half a year) that I did not like him. However, when looking for advice (I had no prospects and no money and no family in the area to fall back on) and people would just tell me; “you did this to yourself”, “that’s just how guys are”, “you shouldn’t have put in so much effort in the beginning”, “just put out more”.

    Mind you, I had just turned 19 when I met the dude, and he was 30. My childhood was dark and wushy-washy. I had no basis for healthy relationships.

    But luckily I amassed good friends who would tell me how it is while I was working to save money to try and leave him someday. They kept me sane and on the right path.

    I hate the fact that I even bothered with him. But I have a backbone now… so there’s that.

11. A phone call with a guy whose shown interest in me. Told him I’m off to go take a bath and he muttered something about certain places where all the water would travel internally and how much. (Via vaginally and anally)

    I’ve felt anger coursing though my hands,face and ears before. But this one was different. My actual **soul** was pissed.

    My response was just as surprising

    Edit: I added specifics

12. Asking the midwife two days after giving birth how many stitches I got, and being told “Why do you want to know? Just look with a mirror”.

    I still don’t know what exactly happened down there. I can’t imagine a medical professional saying that for any other kind of injury…

13. As a medical student (28F) getting ready for the first time going into a surgery, then being screamed at on a ward full of people by a doctor, because I said: “erm, excuse me do you know the code for the female changing rooms?”

    Apparently because I said “erm” (bad habit of mine- I was nervous) I was beckoning her, disrespectful, who did I think I was, what do I have to say for myself. Very loudly. Glad I didnt cry.

14. My husband telling me I should accept his dad’s behavior and just be friends with his parents anyway.

    Among other things, his dad has:

    1. Told us he would spend thousands to get my son taken from us, because we won’t raise him in his religion.
    2. Continuously tried to sneak up on me breastfeeding.
    3. Walked into my home on Christmas, sat on my couch, and told me the things he doesn’t like about me. And THEN said, “we’ll, I can see why she would see that, but I didn’t mean it like that.”

    My husband wonders why I’m asking for a divorce! This, and their behavior, is a perfect example of just ONE of the reasons.

15. An issue with my ex comes to mind. For some reason he left up photos of him and his ex on Facebook, but refused to post a single photo together with me. He kept saying he would, but never did and we were together around 5 years. He went home to visit his family without me one weekend and he posted photo of him and an old family friend his age that he told me always had a crush on him. It was professionally taken and they were side hugging, and he kept that as his profile photo for over a year. It caused a lot of arguments. Later when we were *at her wedding*, he left me with his stepdad at the bar for *over and hour*, because he was trying to get a photo with her and her siblings. He then got mad that I got drunk at the wedding, when he left me at the open bar. Idk, it was just so disrespectful the whole thing.

16. My relationship with the only man I have loved that lasted on and off for 14 years. I loved him unconditionally and gave it my all.
    After 4.5 years of living together the first time around he dumped me in the hospital one hour after I had emergency surgery. He smashed my phone and ran off moved from the apartment I was paying for in an hour leaving our dog alone and scared. He never apologised for breaking up with me while I was in the hospital He said it was not a big deal, not like I had heart surgery or something.
    He made fun of everything about me, the clothes I wore, how my shoes looked like mens shoes because I have large feet (size 40.5), the movies and tv shows I loved, even the masks I wore during the pandemic.
    He would dump trash on the floor for me to pick up, I have begged him many timed not to use plates and cups as ashtrays but he would just tell me we are not married and he can do whatever he wants, I was the one that washed it all. He would leave it till there was no clean cups, plates or cutlery. I did everything around the house even on days when I went to work and he stayed home and played PlayStation all day with out getting off the couch.
    He constantly told me how stupid I was and how I must have an iq of 10.
    When I gained weight he would tell me how disgusting I was and how no one would ever touch me. I am 1.80cm and 80kg now and he is 1.75 and 100kg. I accepted him as he was.
    If we argued and he hit, pushed or kicked me he would tell me I made him do it.
    He ruined so many of my birthdays to the point that I just lay in bed and cried instead of celebrating.
    There were moments when he would tell me over and over how crazy I am and that I need to be in a hospital.

    I have to add it was not all bad, we had our good moments if anyone will wonder why I was with that man.

17. An ex of mine (male) told his friends I was giving out nudes for free and if I’m correct told those same friends I was 18/19 when that happened.

    I was 12 when he did that.

18. Sticking by the love of my life’s side. Through thick and thin, held his hand, dealt with his addiction, helped him through sickness. I allowed myself to be abused, sure I wasn’t aware to the extent but I still love him and would do anything for him. To find out that you’ve been cheated on for the third time and not feel anything at all, that’s really bothered me. Not feeling angry or upset anymore. So in a way, I’m disrespecting myself the most, but in order to leave I’d need to respect myself. A cycle that’s difficult to break

19. I was raped.

20. Wanted to find out if I had ADHD. The therapist that recieved the request from my doctor told me I couldn’t have ADHD since I had a degree. By telephone. Then closed my case without looking into it further.

    She then called me afterwards telling me I shouldn’t look into it anymore, kept asking questions about my personal life (where I lived, who I lived with, what I did for work, where work was, etc.). I told her I would pursue testing to get a final answer if I had it or not. I kept repeating that the regulations require a psychiatrist to look into it and not a therapist, so she calls me again. This time spending 20 minutes telling me she had experience, that I disrespected her education as a nurse, why I wouldn’t respect her decision, and that she would personally talk with whomever got the next request from my doctor.

    I filed a complaint, but nothing came of it.

21. My moms ex bf’s grandson about 7/8 -I kid you fucking not- came up to me while I was eating dinner and fucking spit in my face. Like put his full body behind it. It was not an accident, not funny, not cute. I felt so insanely disrespected. All his mom did was tell him not to do that. I had done absolutely nothing deserving to be spat on.

22. Male gynecologist whom I saw for help with painful uterine fibroids wanted to put me on hormonal birth control. When I objected that my body always reacted badly to hbc, he told.me that women imagine themselves reacting badly in order to excuse our innate moodiness, bad skin, and fatness. He refused to discuss any other treatment.

    I left his office, weeping with rage and went and found a gyno who would give me a hysterectomy.

23. Lost a job that I loved due to not being bilingual. Boyfriend told me that I probably lost the job on purpose, and he knew I would never last at it.

    Never been so hurt or angry in my life. Actually left the house (MY HOUSE) and drove away so I wouldn’t lash out back.

24. Being accused of having an affair by my exes wife even though I haven’t seen him in 4 years and I literally keep to myself 💀! Also been told I wasn’t pretty enough to wear a diamond ring and I should give it to the lady who asked bc she’s fair and pretty enough. Yikes.

25. * me and a mutual friend, who I thought was cute, started dating
    * he had told me that he was in an open relationship, which was very common for that friend group (and for me) so I didn’t question it
    * a few weeks in, he told me that he’d actually been lying about that, and that he *wanted* to open the relationship but his girlfriend didn’t
    * (we had already kissed several times and slept together once at this point)
    * I was very upset and we fell out of touch for a year or two
    * then he reached out to ask if he could apologize and I said ok
    * he sent me an “apology” in which he only actually apologized for having ghosted me the last year or two, and also mentioned that he was in a new relationship that was healthier for him, thanks to the things he had learned from me
    * I was stunned and replied that his “apology” had not actually apologized for or even *acknowledged* the thing he had *actually* done wrong: cheating on his girlfriend and making me unknowingly complicit in it
    * he never answered me again 🙄

26. My past relationship.

    My ex liked to put me down in front of friends. For example if we were having a group talk about something and I would chime in or ask a question, he would scoff, shake his head and look at me with his “god you’re so stupid, just shut up” look.

    Also after 4 years together, whenever our future came up, he would say “I’ll only marry you when you’ll become a good enough girlfriend”.

    I should have left way sooner.

27. My family calling me the S word after my cousin’s husband molested me. Maybe they should have fracking listened to me because a few years later, it came out that he was molesting both of his children!

28. My ex fiance of 6 years stole nearly every penny I made, working full time. He would tell me it was for my share of rent and bills, but (I found out later) was actually spending it all on strippers, beer, cam girls, and most likely prostitutes as well. I had no idea that he wasn’t working most of the time and would actually quit his part time jobs without telling me, say he was going to work, but go spend my money at the strip club instead. Our roommate (who is my now husband) was footing all our expenses, when I thought I was actually paying my fair share. I didn’t even have enough money to feed myself, and at one point, got down to 98 pounds because I wasn’t eating. Our entire relationship was a complete lie. I guess I should count myself lucky that he never gave me an STD.

29. Trigger Warning:

    Being told I’m a wuss and goody two shoes for choosing not to smoke or drink. I’m 29, grew up with seeing my mother hit by many drunk men and husbands was a kid at the time and couldn’t fight back just called the police or went to a friends house to let them know of the situation. Was even smacked myself at one point but fought back, the experience definitely traumatized me and left a bitter taste in my mouth. Am I wrong and boring to not want to drink or smoke?