Broke up with my boyfriend for the 3rd time, it just was not working, it’s been 2.5 years of tumultuous agony, he was very manipulative, emotionally abusive, and controlling. I am feeling so much emotional pain right now, as the whole breakup is being blamed on me.
He is is my favourite person, and has been for so many years, I love him so deeply.
I just was in the hospital for 5 days for my mental health, I confided in him about everything, and my BPD diagnosis.
He is now using terms I described to him as symptoms I experience as a way to blame the failure of the relationship on. Such as “push and pull” saying that I love bomb him, create tension, and then discard him – this is what I feel he has done to me. There is so much injustice. I could not even be myself around him without judgement.
I am very self aware, have no trouble apologizing for things I’ve done wrong, I accept my fault always, and have been told by many that I am a very reasonable person.
Everything he says that I am doing, I feel he is doing, and have felt this for a very long time.
How am I supposed to accept this? And go no contact? I just want to text him and tell him how badly he has hurt me, how I would literally die for him over and over again, how I sacrificed a lot of my life to be with him, due to his insecurities. BPD is so hard, I cannot separate logic from my emotions whatsoever. I just want to blow up his phone, I want to feel relief. It has not even been 24 hours since we last spoke. My world feels like it has shattered, I am extremely emotionally unstable and vulnerable at the moment, any help/advice is appreciated greatly. Thank you.
TL;DR?
Struggling with my intense emotions, diagnosed with BPD. feel like I’m going through withdrawal, and am going to die without my “favourite person”.
Need desperate help on knowing what to do when you have to go no contact with them.
3 comments
write it down, or scream it in a pillow. please don’t give into reaching out to him. block him on everything if you need to, make yourself shut off your phone. give yourself space to let yourself feel it, sob it out, but don’t let yourself sink into a hole. set a time limit to grieve it every day and then get up and walk away from it after, no more than a couple of hours at most. do things that feel empowering or productive to you – working out, a project, redecorating. reach out to a friend or family member and let them know you’re feeling vulnerable and that you need the distraction, see if you can plan some fun. when you have a painful memory while you’re trying to distract yourself, acknowledge to yourself that you are heartbroken and that you’re hurting but remember to tell yourself that it was necessary, that you’re not alone, and that you’re taking care of yourself. when you are in the pit of it, and you can’t stop crying, look at yourself in the mirror and tell your reflection that you love her. that you’re worth it. whatever you need to hear that you may not necessarily believe – give it to yourself, even if it’s painful. buy a weighted blanket – they help a lot, actually. start listening to audiobooks or podcasts more. be kind to yourself but get out of the house when you can. it won’t always hurt this much. remember that you know you have a greater depth of emotion than most people – that means the situation is never as bad as it feels. he wasn’t good for you. you are doing the right thing. best of luck to you.
Write it out. All of it, all of your emotions, pain and love. And then, burn it. Watch it disappear because sometimes you love someone but you know in your heart you’re better off without that in your life. And you are, because you are worth it. Focus on *you* for once instead of him and this relationship. Work on your relationship with yourself. I promise you, it doesn’t feel like it right now, but there will be a day when you look back and you just don’t miss him anymore. And you’ll be the better for it
Delete his number. Block him on the apps. Make it impossible for yourself to contact him.