Hi. Almost every time I meet my gf, she would want sex. It’s probably like 9/10 she would want sex. It gets tiring for sure and there are some days that I just don’t feel like it when I’m tired. When I don’t get turn on, she gets mad. She would stop talking to me. For the first few times, I would feel bad and would always initiate a talk and try to make her day but still no sex cos I’m just tired.
She would always say “I don’t turn you one enough?” despite of me saying that I’m tired and she also acknowledged it herself that I am tired. What should I be doing?
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She also compares how when she’s tired she could still get wet but when I’m tired, I can’t get a hard on.
Date a girl who turns you on
Is it related to the time of day? For example, I prefer to have sex in the morning or afternoon, because I’m often too tired later at night, but my husband prefers to have sex at night.
Relationships are more than just wanting sex with someone as soon as you see them. You are likely to find this pressure a turn off rather than a turn on.
It sounds like she could have an insecurity about her body, has a sex addiction? Or is so passionate about you that is all she can think about. Or she has little experience with relationships and equates sex with having a relationship. Maybe she thinks that men are always wanting sex all the time and if not their is something wrong?
So relationships that are healthy have honesty, respect, trust and communication.
It feels like your communication isn’t working here. Or her level of understanding is missing. You can try talking more about men’s sex drives and yours and to explain that being tired means that you don’t have the energy to do the deed, because say you want it to be good for both of you and that means having the energy to put into making it great. And that doesn’t mean you don’t find her attractive, just that the tiredness and need to rest is also something you pay attention to as part of self care.
If she is pressuring you to have sex all the time then she isn’t being a good partner, not being respectful or understanding of your needs. Sexual coercion isn’t a turn on either.
Sex should not be something she uses to feel good about herself or use you to satisfy a need of hers.
If she can’t respect you and get mad suddenly, I don’t think there’s much to say. Not compatible?
INFO: Is she new to relationships in general?
Be weary of people who tie their worth/value to their sexuality. Boundaries and consent can easily be blurred with coercion happening because they’ll guilt or manipulate you into ignoring your own autonomy and you’ll find yourself giving in to things you don’t actually want to be doing just to evade the backlash you’ll get for saying no.
Tell her no means no and if she continues to pressure you the relationship is over
One of the most disgusting trends in modern dating is this concept that men aren’t allowed to say no
If she continues to press the issue after you’ve explicitly said no tell her the next step is a TRO
More men need to stand up for themselves
You are not compatible. Some people want it every day. You don’t and it’s okay. You are just not a good match.
I’d love to read those comment if the role were reversed
You can decide for yourself, but it sounds like this person is using you to regulate very difficult feelings from another time (childhood).
You may be doing the same thing by not realizing how toxic what you are saying is. That would be on your own early days, so you kind of fit like a hand in a glove.
When sex (with it’s intense sensations) becomes a “go to” behavior in all kinds of settings, it’s mechanical.
There can’t be intimacy when a person thinks their feelings are more important than your obvious limits.
There could also be a hidden family secret around sexual behavior somewhere that she’s acting out.
You’re acting out the other role by going along with it. Bad limits.
Putting aside labels and “diagnosis”, take a look at these excellent borderline personality videos.
This guy emotionally went through the kind of dynamic you’re spelling out.
Plus, you don’t need anyone to tell you it’s ok to take care of yourself. You know.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=diEhdbGC-mg
Dude that’s called sexual coercion and Manipulation. She’s trying to make you feel bad about yourself anytime you don’t put out. Change genders if you can’t see how bad that is. That’s mental abuse she’s using coercion, trying to make you feel like if you loved her or found her attractive you’d do this, and Manipulation, making you feel like you’re a bad person if don’t put out by insulting you and comparing you. This is so far from ok you need to have a serious talk. If she can’t see it and doesn’t let it go she needs to go.
This is sexual coercion.
Dump her.
She’s manipulating you my guy. Punishing you for not wanting sex with her whenever she wants it. I’d end this expeditiously
She’s 26. She’s too old to not be understanding when you’re not in the mood. Break up with her
“What should I be doing?”
Finding a gf that actually respects your boundaries and isn’t mentally a stunted teenager that thinks all men want sex 24/7.
Swap the genders here. If it was a guy pressuring his gf to have sex all the time and gets pissy and mean because she’s not in the mood you’d likely say “wow, what a dick. You can do better.” Same goes for your gf. She’s being a dick and you deserve better. She also needs some therapy and self reflection of why her worth in her head appears tied up to if a guy wants to bang her or not. That’s hella unhealthy. If she can’t grasp that sex with her isn’t the center of your universe that’s a red flag so big it could cover a football field.
I mean, if you see each other like a few times a month she could have a discussion about your sex life
Certainly not how she brings it, obvs
Oh sweetheart, leave her. I like to always suggest working things out and being open and honest with good lines of communication but this situation isn’t it for you.
She needs help or she doesn’t care about anyone other than herself, either way she will destroy you. Many have already said that this falls under coercion and basically assault. Protect yourself.
Women are taught that men always want it, that men are always up for sex.
You have to tell her explicitly that it’s a myth.
Nothing, she clearly don’t respect you and only cares about what she wants otherwise she wouldn’t be throwing a tantrum at her big ass age… y’all aren’t compatible
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She needs to grow up. It happens. She’s not always on I’m guessing? It would be fine for her to turn you down wouldn’t it? Crappy double standard
She’s coercing you. It’s not okay and it seems like the two of you are not sexually compatible. I’d cut your losses because it’s only going to get worse. Find someone who you are sexually compatible with and someone who respects you.
Tell her that let you get some sleep and you’ll jump on that when you wake up
Just do her man