Let me start off by saying I love my wife and I find her very attractive. In saying that, sometimes during sex I think of other women. My question is is this normal and how often do other men and women think of different people while having sex with their SO?

10 comments

  1. It’s normal. How you handle it will depend on your wife.

    If she’s super chill with a generalized lust, you can delicately bring this up. If she’s a monogamy-in-body-and-mind type, or if she has a weak self-esteem, keep it in your mental locker.

    ETA: my wife and I talk about this stuff. We’re both very sex positive and had a lot of partners when we were just friends, and so it seems pointless now to pretend we don’t think of sex the same way we always did. But people differ, and your first goal is to protect your partner’s security.

  2. I tend not to fantasize because if I take my focus away from the physical sensations I lose my build up. At most I fantasize about what I want my partner o do next.

  3. Guy here. Have been with my (F) partner for 10 years. In my head, my dick has been in all sorts of people while we were having sex.

  5. Woman here. I only think about what we’re doing and what I want him to do, how much I love him. One guy commented that you should keep it to yourself if your wife would not like it, but have you actually considered her in this? What if she doesn’t want to be with someone who fantasizes about other women when you’re having sex. Imo that’s definitely the time you should focus on her. Having sex with her and fantasizing about others makes her just a sex toy for you in that moment.

  7. I (44f) and hubby (45m) have a pretty awesome sex but yes, every once in a while, I will pretend that while he’s going down on me that it is somebody else or that he is not alone down there. It’s just a once in a while thing, but I enjoy it.

  8. I’ve never thought about anyone else during sex. The closest I’ve ever gotten to thinking about anything other than what I’m actually doing is thinking about what I want to do next – but always with my husband. I feel like thinking of anyone or anything else would just take me out of the moment.

  9. I ( F) have never thought about someone else and been in a relationship for 14 years. But I don’t really fantasize about anything. But I read erotica and steamy/smutty romance books so maybe all those thoughts happen when I’m reading about other couples. . . Mostly they warm me up for my time with my SO. No idea if he thinks of other women though. Makes me curious.

  10. What’s normal? 😂

    I personally don’t do it, but I wouldn’t judge if my partner did, or anyone else for that matter.

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