My partner (48/m) has come to the conclusion that I’ve (32/f) been manipulating, gaslighting, playing with his brain throughout the 4 years of our relationship and that I’m overall a bad person. He says he doesn’t trust me and that I can go, he DGAF anymore. Saying things like, “If you were smart, you wouldn’t…you’re a fool, I’m doing everything for you and here you go, always fucking it up.” Every time I suggest that we go to therapy to just talk to someone else and get a professional opinion on our issues, he says I’m trying to lump him into the problems I have and that I need to get therapy by myself, I’m the problem and I need to fix it.
In our latest argument, his answer was to go be with my ex-FWB, let him take care of me and raise our baby, I’m 25 weeks pregnant. He says that I’m not doing anything to put his mind at ease or to fix the problem and that he’s not going to allow me to disrespect him any longer.
My question is, do I stay around and try to prove to him that I’m not the person he’s convinced that I am? Honestly, it makes me want to leave. It just seems like the rest of our relationship will be me walking on eggshells trying not to trigger him or piss him off, just by being myself.
TLDR: Partner thinks the worst of me, should I stay to show him that I’m not or leave?
3 comments
If you suggested therapy and he said no, that’s all you need. Refusing therapy usually marks the end of a relationship. To make it work both people have to want to work on it and clearly he doesn’t.
What can you think of that made him feel like you’re a manipulator? Cause these statements you are telling us make me feel like he’s a problem too. He won’t self reflect and to me it seems weird to not acknowledge his faults too.
He’s treating you like shit, why on earth would you want to keep letting him do that to “prove” something to him?
Girl don’t walk, RUN! There is nothing in this world that is going to change his opinion about you. Even if he became nice at some point, something will trigger him to get right back to this point. He WILL push further once he realizes you won’t leave. That’s an extremely toxic environment and your mental health will slowly but surely chip away the longer you stay.
Even if you wanted to stay, what’s your plan to change his mind? To do everything he says when he says it? Is that an environment you want to raise a child? What if he becomes physically abusive?
In the end, he’s comfortable projecting his insecurities onto you and that’s never going to change.