Starting to notice people, mainly guys say this. Context:
I do security and told one guy he couldn’t use the side entrances of the dorm and he must go through the front. His response was “If it makes you feel better I can do it” and I said that it’s not about me, I’m just doing what my boss tells me. Soon as I walk off another student opened the door for him and he ran off. Not surprised. Didn’t chase him.
Another day a girl wanted to go upstairs with her bf/guest and I told her that I have to check him in (policy is that all guests musts be students and have to be checked in after 10pm). He asked if it was mandatory and I told him yes. Again, I hear “if it makes you feel better I can give you my ID for you to do it.”
Am I tripping or does this seem like a passive-aggressive response? It’s not about how I feel, it’s just about me doing my job. Both guys said it in a condescending tone. Wanted to hear some valid opinions to make sure I’m not overreacting making this post.
20 comments
They are challenging you because you are perceived to be an authority figure. They are trying to make it seem like the request is about you personally wanting something rather then your written policy and guidelines.
Par for the course for that kind of job. Just ignore it and follow your written instructions, if an exceptional circumstance arises raise it up and get a supervisor/manager to weight in.
It depends on the context. The first example was being passive aggressive in my opinion, but the second was being genuine. He was acknowledging the policy and hoping that if he provided incentive (holding onto his ID in this case) then you would feel comfortable enough to let him slide.
Only if saying so makes you feel better.
Yes
I’ve only ever said this cause I felt like a dumbass and was projecting my guilt onto whoever was correcting me.
Depends on the context, if we’re arguing and I feel like spite is being used a lot then it follows that it’d be hard for the other to earnestly be interested in my happiness. If we’re arguing and I feel like the argument isn’t me against you but just a miscommunication then I’m happy to accept the question.
The way I read it is that you’re trying to keep water in a colander, they know damn well you can’t stop them sneaking bf’s in and using whatever exit they like and they’re giving lip service to your authority while they’re in your presence.
Maybe try replying with “sure buddy, it’ll make me feel much better.”
Yes. It comes with having any kind of authority…
Yep, they’re trying mild passive aggressive defiance while simultaneously yielding to your request. In other words, they’re doing what you ask but being just slightly bitchy about it.
College age kids wanna flex, but not hard enough to get in trouble.
Getting “rude man who shushes” vibes.
You take your position seriously i can tell…
It’s generally learned response from entitled pricks.
yeah. pretty passive aggressive.
Generally speaking when someone gives me a passive aggressive response I have a few options and I choose based on gut feeling:
– Raise an eyebrow, change your facial expression to show bewilderment, pause enough to make it slightly uncomfortable and go back to neutral face and ignore it. Sometimes I laugh and shake my head and just repeat it
– respond with sarcasm: “yes, I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life because I have nothing going on that is more important than making you follow the rules so you know, I don’t get fired and my wife leaves me”
– respond with “just fucking do it”
– respond with deferring to the “boss” upstairs “hey man, I let a lot of stuff slide but management is on my ass about this and they are watching my every moves and even pointing examples on video. Just do this okay?”
Personally I choose the first path a lot since most people giving you a hard time know they are. I like to acknowledge it and let them know I know but instead of it bugging me, I just either laugh it off like it’s nothing or show them I think very low of them
Age? You’re about their age, right?
It’s a set up to have a peer act as an authority figure, and the weirdness of that is expressed in their comment. I wouldn’t take it personally, nor would I confront it nor cow to it, but rather agree with the weirdness of it (“Yeah,I know, but it’s my job, man”) and cash the check anyways.
Yes, what I hear from this is that these kids think the policies are silly and that no one but you cares if they are followed. They see you as being overly strict and think that the things you are asking them to do are pointless.
They’re yielding to your request but letting you know they feel it is an unnecessary policy/burden on them. I’m not sure if it’s exactly passive aggression, but definitely in the same family.
Maybe_try_using_fewer_words_at_your_job.
Comes_off_as_insecure.
Try_just_looking_at_them_until_they_obey_you…but_pleasantly.
Is_there_a_gate?-Can_you_just_lock_all_other_doors?
_
I would possibly have said that in that circumstance, as a way of saying “i didnt realise but instead of being embarrassed or feeling inferior to your authority, i’ll act as if its something we decided on together” So id definitely have said it as a joke to neutralise my own inner feelings of someone making me feel powerless. It’s absolutely possible that someone would say that for the same reason but passive aggressively cos they would get angry at being embarrassed instead of just being embarrassed and feeling like a twat like a real man.