Hey everyone.
Not sure if this is the best place for this post but I’ve seen similar on here so thought it was worth a try.
First up I’m not asking for advice relating to legal action or support services, those thing differ from area to area so much (whoever for context – I am in Australia) and I have all of those things I need.
I was with my ex for 2 years and within that time he’s been physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, financially, all the kinds of abuse. I don’t think I’m traumatised per say (I’ve been through a lot), it’s just the sudden dramatic change in what’s going on with my life has me stumped in all honesty and I’m not sure where to go from here.
So, I’m moving away because I live in a small regional town and despite there being a restraining order, it’s a small place and I know damn well trouble will still be caused and still is because everyone knows everyone kind of thing.
I’m moving to a city I have moderate knowledge of and a single friend in the area.
So a rough outline of what I’ll be working with there.
I will have housing organised for me by a service.
I have heaps of work and study opportunities that I didn’t have at home.
I don’t drive and relied on my ex partner to drive me around, however there’s public transport in the new city so that isn’t a concern.
Like a lot of these situations, I lost EVERYTHING. I have no clothes, personal belongings, ID, etc.
I’m just not sure how I should go about things there’s so much I’m overwhelmed.
Like, do I get a job and study straight away? Or should I take time to settle in? Do I buy things for my house first or personal possessions? How do I prioritise these things? Like yes ID and toiletries are important but I can only survive off 4 items of clothing for only so long. And even that what clothing is a priority?
And the emotional side, I want to completely reinvent myself as not only a protection means so I am not identified easily but also to seperate myself from the person that experienced all of that, yknow basic things like completely changing my hair, social media etc.
Starting from scratch is very overwhelming
1 comment
Oh wow, I’m so sorry you were in a relationship with such a horrible man. You didn’t deserve what you went through. Absolutely over the moon to read you’ve begun to figure out what’s next, you’re leaving that situation behind. Very proud of you, you’re so young and you have already gotten through the hardest parts of your situation. Good work.
Depending on what city you are moving to, there could be even more resources available to you to help continue the process.
The first thing I would do would be look into finding a therapist or counselor. There are people whose jobs are to help answer the questions you’ve asked in this post. I know you’re not looking for support services but you need someone to help guide you and while Reddit is a great resource, it may be much more helpful to just have one person who knows how to navigate what you’re going through.
In the meantime, it could be really fun for you to book a hair appointment, and then take yourself shopping and get two or three outfits with pieces you love that could easily mix and match to other outfits. A few tops, a couple pairs of pants, maybe a skirt and a dress. Maybe a couple pairs of shoes. Whatever you can afford, you deserve to treat yourself. I take myself on a date once or twice a month (even though I have a partner) and I’ll go to the plant store, get coffee, go to a record store or go thrifting, grab groceries and cook a good dinner. If I need new clothes I’ll try to come up with a really fun shopping day that includes getting lunch. It’s such a good way to decompress, and your brain could probably use something fun & simultaneously functional like this right now!
You’re doing amazing, keep going! Little steps at a time. You don’t have to take on everything at once.