when i (f21) have sex with my boyfriend (m20) i try so hard to have my eyes open and make eye contact but it is so incredibly difficult because my body and brain just want to keep shutting my eyes. i feel bad because i know it makes him feel insecure and that it makes him think i don’t want to look at him and i’ve expressed that it is very much not the case. i’ve told him about how it’s just my own insecurity and how i am not comfortable being perceived during sex and that it’s just hard for me to keep my eyes open because i start to get nervous and freak out if they’re open for too long. he is very understanding and has never been upset about it, but i want to work on being able to make eye contact and feel confident without constantly feeling the need to close my eyes because i know it will make sex better for the both of us. if anyone has any tips or advice i would love to hear it!
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Just start with eye contact while you’re doing other stuff. Start with cuddling and kissing fully clothed with eyes open, then just move slowly from there. Take your time with foreplay and experiment with when it feels good to open your eyes.
You shouldn’t feel bad about this though, it is a **hugely** intimate thing, so it’s not surprising it can feel overwhelming
I wonder if he might enjoy being blindfolded during sex? Or vice versa? If you are both into it, it might help you to build some confidence with having your eyes open and really taking everything in without feeling like you are being visually judged in any way. Or, you can get lost in the pleasure guilt-free while doing something (subjectively) hot and letting your partner take control.
I know blindfolding my partner (and sometimes tying him up) is really fun for me and helps me to feel a lot more confident during sex. There’s no visual judgement, so I can just focus on how to best accomplish mutual pleasure while I have my eyes open to really take all of his reactions in.
I also enjoy the reverse, and find that being blindfolded can help me really focus on the pleasure in a way that elevates it.
This would probably require a conversation with your partner to see if that’s something you are both even open to or in to, of course! Just some thoughts on how to turn something like this around in a sexy way, and maybe be able to practice having your eyes open during sex.
I get shy about eye contact during sex as well, but that’s what makes it even more exciting when it happens! The way I eased myself into it was start off small, I’d open my eyes for just a few seconds, look at him and smile then close my eyes again. Over time I’d be able to look at him longer, but I’d still shift my gaze somewhere else every now and then so it’s not like I’m doing a death stare and drilling into his soul. 😂 Then I’d just remind myself to look at him every now and then whenever we had sex so it’d become more of a habit. It’s just about getting out of your comfort zone, and it takes time.
Eye contact in general is personal, and during sex it can be hugely intimate. It’s normal to feel shy about it!
If he’s willing to be a little dominant, have him put his hand on your face and say something like “look at me baby” or “I want to look in your eyes while I’m inside of you” or something a little dirtier if you’re into that.
I’m so bad about this too! I’m super shy, so having my eyes open makes me feel super vulnerable.
You can train yourself not to be anxious. Look into psychology