have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we live together. When he first moved in, we would have sex a lot and sometimes he would complete and other times he wouldn’t. I tried to be understanding and refrained from demonizing him about it, as I know that would only make matters worse. However, lately, for the last month or so.. He just can’t cum and ends up going limp. He has to jerk off to completion, and while doing that, I feel uninvolved.
This is the first relationship in which this has happened to me, and it makes me feel empty inside. He isn’t really romantic in other ways, either. He doesn’t like to make out, he doesnt like to cuddle, and he doesn’t like to have sex with me it seems. It always feels like, when we do have sex, that he is getting a chore done.
He insists that it’s because he isnt sensitive down there, and that it has nothing to do with his attraction towards me… But I just don’t think he finds me arousing.
His inability to cum to having sex with me is really starting to take a toll on my self esteem and my own ability to feel close to him It makes the sex not fun and insecurity inducing, and I just want to know if it’s normal to not ejaculate from sex (as a dude) without it having to do with one’s sexual attraction to their partner.
Lastly, I know he feels bad about it. After we have sex and he goes limp and gets tired, he holds me which is one of the only times he holds me voluntarily- and it makes me feel even more pathetic. Sex is very important to me in a relationship, and so is physical intimacy. He hates the idea of me saying that maybe we’d be better off as friends, but I think its more of an ego thing for him. I don’t feel loved by him nor attractive to him.
Am I being immature and insensitive? He says it’s his age, but I have had sex with 34 year old men before and they didn’t have issues with that. He also says its his circumsition that stops him from being sensitive, but I have also had sex with cut men and they have had no issues either. I feel worthless now, and sexually undesirable. What should I do and is this normal/nothing to do with his sexual attraction to me?
TLDR: Self esteem is shot to shit because bf cant achieve climax from having sex with me/not really romantically intimate regardless. Is this issue normal or does this imperically mean that he isn’t sexually into me?
3 comments
Is he taking any medications? Does he have other emotional issues he has not dealt with? There are a lot of things that can lead to erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation. I have struggled with both, they started with use of opioid medication for an injury and have continued with other medications for nerve pain. These have led me to feelings of inadequacy which cause anxiety which lead to performance problems as well. It’s a vicious cycle. The thing is, none of that is really your fault or necessarily even your problem. This is a young relationship for you, and it sounds like it has become very unsatisfying. You don’t owe this person your life. I’m certain it will not be an easy decision for you, but you deserve your own satisfaction. Whatever his reasons are for this situation, they are not your fault. You have to decide for yourself whether you are willing to continue to shoulder that burden.
Sounds like a porn addiction, maybe he needs help ?
What is his porn consumption ?