I [20M] just lost my most valued friendship [20F] and I don’t know where to go from here
My [20M] most valued friendship just ended and I just feel lost and hurt. where do I go from here?
I had a falling out with an old friend group that was my fault.
One of the girls in that group, the one who introduced me to the group, was a woman named Rachel [20F].
I met Rachel before the rest. When I first met her, we clicked really well and I honestly thought she could be a lifelong friend. But because of the events mentiones (basically a major fallout between me and our friend group) I lost most of those friends. However, Rachel and I stayed in touch. She was the only person I kept in contact with and I am forever grateful to her for continuing to talk to me when I needed a friend. She is easily the most valued friendship I had.
But, long story short, today I got a text from her. After the fallout she wasn’t really able to have a close friendship with me. But I wanted one with her. Those divergent expectations led to conflict. Today, I got a text from her that more or less stated our expectations were too different and that talking to me stressed her out. She is still friends with the other group and so felt in an awkward place. She felt it was unhealthy for us to continue talking and that the best thing to do was end the friendship.
I completely understand where she is coming from. I also know this is largely my fault because I let my emotions get the better of me with the original group. I don’t really have anyone to blame here but myself.
I sent these texts to her:
>Ok I understand. I am sorry I have stressed you out and I get where you’re coming from. Idk if this changes anything but I recently talked with someone and they recontextualized what happened in a way I understood. I now understand why you guys did what you did and as a result I no longer hold any resentment or anger towards anyone in that group. I owe all of you an apology. Regardless, I understand where you are coming from. I am sorry I caused you stress and I am sorry for the pain I caused you. But I understand. Goodbye rachel, have a good rest of your life I suppose.Sorry again for the pain I caused you. I enjoyed being your friend while it lasted. Goodbye man
I then deleted her contact info and blocked her on remaining media.
I am deeply hurting right now, I just don’t know what to do. What do I do now? I just lost my most valued friendship, and I feel lost. I don’t want this to be over, but I know I have to respect her wishes.
I just spent like the past hour crying, and I feel empty now. Empty and lost. And it’s my fault. What do I do now? I don’t have any friends I can talk to now, none were as close or trusted as her. I don’t know what to do.
Tl;dr: i just lost my most valued friend after a fight and feel lost. Where do I go from here?
1 comment
I feel for you. I’m really impressed you blocked/deleted things instead of torturing yourself by seeing her on social media or keeping the option alive when she clearly said she didn’t want to talk. That was the right thing to do.
Of course you feel terrible right now. You’re grieving. You will find other friends, but it’s okay if you can’t picture that today, don’t force yourself to try if it’s too hard. Mostly what you do right now is get through one minute, then the next. Watch favorite movies. Take showers. If there’s anyone you can talk to about this, do that. If there are any people you’re not close with and wouldn’t talk to about this but would like to hang out with, plan that. If there’s not, find other distractions.
Do make sure you get out into the world to keep yourself grounded, even if it’s just really minor. When I used to work at a convenience store, there was a woman who walked to the store eventually every day and bought a pack of gum. I eventually found out her husband had recently died and that was one of the things she did to make sure she wasn’t always locked in the house and alone.
Basically, grieve but also take care of yourself until the shock wears off.
When this first stage ends, you can look at how to start making connections with others and how to start moving forward.
Best of luck.