Hi everyone, I have been married to my wife for almost a year now and we dated for 2.5 years before we got married. Before marriage, we had a long distance relationship where we could stay for a few months at a time but then had to take a break due to visa requirements but could start again (tourist visa restrictions).
Our frequency of sex has gone down significantly. In the beginning it started with once a day and now it’s come down to about once in two weeks. This is largely because I have a much lower sex drive than her. She initiates almost daily (she is not working) but most days I am so stressed because of work etc that I am simply not in the mood.
In addition, I feel like I need porn to turn myself on even if we haven’t had sex in a while. However, she is actually similar as well and even if she initiates she watches some porn before actual sex as it helps her also.
What can I do in this situation to improve our sex life? I am really worried about this affecting our marriage because she would clearly like a lot more sex than what she gets.
Tldr: how to improve libido and sex drive as a man in a long term relationship.
She has offered for me to get massages (even with HE) if it helps increase my libido but I am not sure about it because it wouldn’t work for me if she wanted to explore another person.
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This is written by a psychologist who partly gathered her research on Reddit:
https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ