My wife of 15 years says that I can no longer make her orgasm so in return she refuses to ever go down on me and give me head because she says that it Is a chore now. Even though in the bedroom I do the best I can that’s not my fault I cannot make her orgasm I do nothing different than I used to do…
32 comments
Yeah man that’s the problem, you’re still doing the best you can at the same thing, find out what she needs and do the best at something different. We’re humans, we evolve. It’ll turn those blowchores into blowcations.
I could say you’re both wrong because neither of you are being kind to each other. But I’ll go with you’re both right because as it stands, your sexual relationship is unsatisfying for both of you.
Commit to each other’s pleasure. Make it an US thing. But I’m a believer that the solution always starts with “ME.” Since you’re the one asking (and obviously not your wife), I would say you can start by taking ownership in seeing how you can increase her pleasure.
But again, make it an US thing. Like, how can we make this better for us? But of course from your standpoint, you want to try to figure out how you can make it better for her. I’m really tired. I’m not sure if I’m making sense. Lol.
It may be time to try something different. People’s bodies change so your techniques should as well. Sex should be fun for both of you.
She’s wrong. Spiteful.
Coming from a loyal faithful husband that hasn’t got one in 15 years.. my wife is spiteful too and doesn’t give 2 shits about my securely needs
Brother it’s time to try something new. Get some toys ask her what her fantasy is and mix it up. She will notice and appreciate the effort.
Do it at the same time, get a toy for her and joke see i bet i can make u organism.
She told you it’s a chore, because that’s how it feels for her and you should listen. For women, it’s more about that emotional connection.
Try toys. More foreplay. Different positions.
Make her feel special without expecting anything in return and you will see the results.
Sex and orgasms should always be mutual. Can I recommend you read The Great Sex Rescue? It’s science based and really helpful for both parties to understand each other and learn to rekindle their sex lives. If you have changed nothing and she is no longer orgasming from that, then that is your problem! It’s time to switch things up, try something new during foreplay, learn some new techniques! It can be a super fun experience if you really want to give your wife pleasure.
I completely understand her feeling like it’s a chore. It’s like if you both went on regular dates and one of you put effort in to keep it fun but the other one spent most of the time on their phone not making any effort. An old dog can always learn new tricks, just gotta be motivated enough.
Get the magic wand and discover the magic.
Umm, the fact that you’re worried about a BJ and that your wife doesn’t orgasm is the real problem here!! She’s still having sex with you and you finish while she doesn’t?!?! Good lord.
Try something different. If nothing is working then she should see a doctor. It’s odd that it’s not working for her anymore. But she’s not wrong for it to feel like a chore if she’s repeatedly not getting anything out of sex. You don’t want to it to get to the point where she avoids sex altogether.
You don’t get your wife off during sex and you’re crying about a BJ? This is incredibly selfish of you…
Sounds super healthy.
/s
The solution here shouldn’t be difficult if the rest of your relationship outside the bedroom is healthy
You both just have to open up a bit more. She has to be open about what works for her and you have to be open to trying those things (obviously unless they are things you really don’t want to do)
If she doesn’t know what works for her, make it a team effort, relax and have fun exploring new things to find out how she gets there. It’s likely to bring you closer together
And if you make it clear that her pleasure is a priority then she’s far more likely to have a desire to reciprocate
Good luck
Troll post!
It’d probably be easier to have a conversation about could be done differently as opposed to making it about one of you being wrong. Bodies change over time and certain things don’t work the same after a few years. Just ask if she has something she’d like to try to help the situation and go from there
Yall are both kinda wrong.
Wife: 1) could be more direct with you about her needs, assuming she has never tried to talk with you about this, even once. 2) needs to understand withholding a bj may cause more issues than those already present, because then both of you will be unsatisfied.
Husband: 1) could take the initiative to help her have an orgasm. You’ve been having sex & leaving her with nothing? Yikes. 2) whenever she said “no bjs”, you could have asked her what she needs & how you can go about giving it to her.
Do you give her head? Maybe that’s also why she doesn’t want to give a bj. Y’all are having sex, she has no orgasm. You want a bj, she has no orgasm. I understand why it would feel like a chore to her. Maybe she wants head too?? The clitoris has more nerve endings than the penis. Most women do not have vaginal orgasms & need some more work—hence, the clitoris. 🤷🏻♀️
Solution: clear, healthy communication about her sexual needs, as well as yours. Try different things until you find something that works.
Listen and figure out what you need to do.
Both of you are wrong. As other people have noted, people change. This includes their needs for sexual gratification and stimulation to reach orgasm. That said, using sex as leverage is never good for a relationship. Communication is…
She needs to communicate what WILL make her orgasm. New positions, new toys, new stimuli, etc. And she MIGHT NOT KNOW!!!! So talking and communicating DURING sex is key to this as well.
Secondly, you have to learn and grow too… This is as much on you for not communicating as well. She is telling you there is a problem and you’re not working on fixing it… You’re doing the same thing (that isn’t working) and expecting a different result… (somewhere there is a point about insanity or stupidity, but it’s not critical here).
Her argument is valid, her method of delivery is pretty poor, IMO. Again, this all goes back to communication. She needs to communicate and so do you.
Why can’t she just be straight forward and tell you what she needs to finish? And then, you *do* those things to help her. You’re both kind of wrong. You don’t even seem to care that she’s not finishing but you are.
#check out OP’s post history
You need to reevaluate things and communicate with your wife if you want to salvage your marriage and sex life.
Get a vibrator. Game changer for us.
Did you ask her for instruction?
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Let’s say the reverse has happened. You eat her out, she is finishes, now she doesn’t want to try something different to help you finish. If you have sex, she also finishes first, and for whatever reasons, sex then ends. How would you feel?
Do you want to be right? Is being right more important than solving the problem? If your goal is to be right you are wrong. Your wife does not give a shit what engine outside of your relationship thinks. If it isn’t working for her anymore then it isn’t working for either of you. You should be complacent and say xyz used to work but now it doesn’t, we’ll I guess no orgasms in her future! If that’s really your attitude then I’m on her side. You can have one when she gets one.
Do some work. Try something new.
She weaponizing sex against you in an attempt to control your behavior. Very bad sign
You gotta get wild. Change it up.
Buy a wand.
Can you guys start exploring toys?
Your post history complains that you’re bored in the bedroom, that you want things that she doesn’t want, and that it’s “over fast and done”… and yet you’re upset because you’re not getting a bj.
You’re not getting bjs because you suck as a sex partner.
She doesn’t owe you anything.
If I told my husband that I wasn’t having orgasms, he would dedicate hours of foreplay, massage, oral, fingers, toys, and anything he could think of to make sure that I came at least twice before ever worrying about his own pleasure.
You aren’t “doing your best”, you’re just trying to get your own rocks off.
You guys need a sex therapist, and a few weeks of working on intimacy and foreplay and communication. Once you figure out how to get her off and make sex a mutually pleasurable experience, then you can ask about bjs.
EDIT: Just read OP’s comment history… and I’m 100% disgusted. You’re straight up a rapist, OP.
Both.
Work on finding hotter sexual experiences, together, or open the relationship/separate.