I (30F) have gone on three happy dates with a guy (37M). Honestly just a nice guy that I’m physically attracted to. We grabbed drinks on date one, played pickleball and did dinner on date two and tonight played mini golf at an indoor place. He is kind and communicative. And yet when I went to leave tonight I still felt like I didn’t know enough if I would want to kiss him. I could tell he was a little taken back. Now I feel like what is wrong with me or should I have kissed him already? I’d see him again.
26 comments
Yeah, one of y’all just make the first move- he might be too afraid to do it first.
So ETA for putting out is like 2028?
That typically means you aren’t interested unless you are extremely conservative, which you probably would have told him about in a different part of the date. I can see why he is confused. I’m a little confused too. Are you attracted to him? Why do you want a fourth date with a guy you didn’t want to kiss after 3?
Guys make the first move. If he holds your hand do you pull back? Has he touched your waste or anything like that….
If you like him, lean in and give him a kiss! Nothing wrong with making moves, im sure he is wondering the same thing. Kiss him!!!
It’s ok to be a little aggressive as the woman with physical affection. He might be steering very, very clear of you thinking he’s only interested in you for your body. You can make the first move if you want to. Nothing stopping you. Shit! Send that man a nude! You don’t have to play coy if you don’t want to!
If you don’t know if a kiss is in the books by the end of 3 great dates then there’s either something wrong with you or you should move on.
You don’t have to kiss so soon. Your still exploring your feelings for one another. Don’t put so much pressure on a kiss. Instead build up on the friction and let it be your guide. Always left wanting more. This way without touch or any physical intimacy, a bond has formed. A friendship, A spark, and from there it’s easy.
I saw a comment on why should you go on a 4th date if you haven’t even kissed him on the 3rd.. if I don’t feel ready to kiss on the 6th date, I don’t have to, but it does not mean I’m not interested. I’m just more interested on getting to know this person and form a unique bond. I prefer to take it slow. Does this mean a guy will assume I’m not interested just because I haven’t kissed him yet? If so the dating world is going to be very hard to get around, but it’s definitely worth it if it means narrowing down the majority. I just think that the dating world has changed extremely and you don’t always have to follow the rules.
To me, a fourth date with no kiss means friendzone
When you say he was taken aback, do you mean he went for the kiss and you turned it down?
If there has been no kissing yet, especially after turning him down, then you should at least affirm him with your words. By that, I mean you should make it clear that you aren’t ready to kiss yet but you do want to see him again.
Arbitrary timelines don’t matter. You kiss when you’re ready. But given that you’re moving slower than most, verbal communication would help your cause. Or else this guy will assume you’re friend-zoning him. Don’t be afraid to ease his mind by letting him know where you stand on the whole kissing deal. If he’s a such a nice guy, then he will understand and move at your speed.
If the reason you don’t want to kiss him is because you don’t know enough about him yet, then here is an idea… YOU should set up a date that is less adventurous. A simple date in a chill environment allows more space for conversation. You can get to know each other on a deeper level. You may have to steer the conversation to get to the deeper level. If he is still boring and superficial, or avoids the deeper stuff in general, then at least you tried.
Me and my current boyfriend didn’t even kiss until our fifth date. Although I would have done it on the fourth date if we hadn’t said goodbye at a station and people hadn’t suddenly stood near us 😆
I don’t know how old you both are but there doesn’t have to be a timeline for when a particular thing has to happen by, it’s just when you both feel comfortable with it and feel it’s the right moment.
But if you feel he’s wanting a kiss on the next date and also want to kiss him, I would go for it!
Thats how it should be no?
The things i read here is they know each other for 1 week and did everything already without knowing eachother it’s really bad .
Get to know eachother is important so i would say around date 4/5 maybe kissing. Nothing wrong with this
Doesn’t sound like anything is stopping you, so why wait? If you’re so terrified, ask for consent.
Nothing is wrong with you. But if you don’t feel it, no more dates. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy.
Sounds like things are going great.
Whenever I see this I wonder if it’s a pheromone problem.
Follow your heart, give your head a rest.
The nose knows
What do you think you need to know about him in order to know whether it would be right to kiss?
Why not ask “can I kiss you?” If you are worried about consent. Or just give him a kiss lol I’m sure this isn’t your first kiss, he’s definitely nervous or he can’t read you too well
He is probably wondering the same thing. Why didn’t you kiss him?
I mean, this is a “know thyself” problem. If you’re not attracted enough to him at this point to want to kiss him, you’re not, and it’s probably not likely….or the dates were woefully short/unromantic.
If you think you want to? Make it known, lean in, hell…ask him to kiss you already. If you aren’t feeling it, and aren’t sure you will, then cut him loose before you hurt him or waste more time.
I know within an hour with someone whether I want to plant one on them. If it took 3 dates, I’d know the answer is move on, but that’s me.
You’re overthinking it —just do it already!
– He was taken back? What do you mean?
– Did you purposely not kiss him?
– Did he lean in for a kiss?
Need some more context here, a little confused.
If you overall don’t feel like kissing him then there might not be enough compatibility between you and him, physically/sexually and mentally. It means stop seeing him because you’re not a good math. You should feel at least some chemistry in the first few dates and eager to kiss (if you’re not asexual that is, and sounds like you’re not).
If he leaned in for a kiss and you leaned away then I can understand why he was taken back and upset. He’s gone on 3 happy dates with you and he probably is unsure or confused if you like him or not if you’re dodging a first kiss. If you’re not showing good signs then this is a a dud, such as no physical touch. Have you touched each other at all playfully? Hand holding or a touch on the arm or shoulder?
Sadly many guys don’t know how to increase sexual or romantic tension. Women see these “signs” both consciously and unconsciously. The basics of flirting for a guy is confidence, assertiveness, teasing and joking/being funny. If he isn’t doing these properly then you won’t “feel the magic” which is just your lower “animal” brain getting the “signals” that he’s a good mate. You can keep going out with him and try to consciously overcome it. One thing would be to let him know through more obvious signs (“wow you look hot in those jeans tonight”, “I was thinking about you in bed this morning” along with non verbal cues like playing with your hair, making your voice soft and higher pitch, moving obviously physically closer to him, touching him, looking up at him) that you’re attracted to him and he “has got a chance.” This may spur him to exhibit more of those strong male signals. Best of luck!
Two things:
1. I recommend the two of you use table topics or some other conversation starter card game. Maybe that’ll help you gain some of the deeper insight you seem to be seeking.
2. I recently found myself in a similar situation with a guy. We went on 5 dates, no kiss. He was admittedly very shy (which I think was a big part of my inability to gauge my overall attraction to him). In the end, I realized I just wasn’t that into him and broke it off. In prior cases where I wasn’t sure about a guy, if he asked for a kiss around date 3-4 I’d agree and then see how I felt. In another case, the guy hadn’t initiated a kiss by date 3 but I was into him enough that I initiated it (by teasing him about the fact we hadn’t kissed yet).
My sister went out with a man. Three good dates in, he still hadn’t made a move. As he was about to walk away on the 3rd date, she grabbed his hand, pulled him back to her, and planted one right on him. 15 yrs later they’re happily married with 3 kids. Just go for it.
Doesn’t sound like a very attracted to him.