My fiance has been coming to me recently about wanting to open our relationship because she feels these urges to “experience” other people but she still wants to come home to me because she believes that there isnt anyone better than me and that she still loves me. She doesnt view sex as intimate like i do so thats her justification for her thinking she should be able to do this. She’s not one to change her mind and once shes set on something shes going to do it because its “what feels right at the moment” without any care about what happens to me or how i feel about it. After a lot of talks i just caved and told her she could do it, cause i know for a fact that if i had said no she wouldve eventually done it anyway. I am deeply in love with her and i know that i shouldn’t stay in this situation cause its tearing me apart from the inside. It just feels like im going to snap at any moment. I want to try and change her mind before anymore damage is done to our relationship. Any help is welcome please.
Please do not post this anywhere else im hoping to keep this post from her
28 comments
She’s already decided you aren’t enough. Let her go because she’s going anyway. It’s just a question of when.
Y’all just aren’t compatible.
You should break up with her.
She’s using the “open relationship” as an excuse to cheat on you. You even said, if you had not said yes, she would’ve cheated on you anyways. You cannot change her mind, her mind is made up, she wants to cheat on you and she doesn’t care what you think. You even say yourself, “she’s not one to change her mind”. So why would you even bother?
I bet she’s already got someone in mind to fuck.
Either tell her no, or let her fuck other dudes.
If telling her no means she’ll do it anyway, then leave her.
Tell her that if she wants to “experience other people” then she should break up with you. Sounds like you’re not enough for her and she just wants to have sex with other men while coming back to you, her safe space and fallback. If you’re not comfortable with it tell her no or break-up. Otherwise you’re just going to feel like shit when she’s banging another guy in the other room because “You said you were ok with it!”
If it’s not something she’s going to change her mind about, and if it’s not something you’re willing to explore, then this is a fundamental incompatibility. I think you would do best to end the relationship and find somebody else whose preference is for a monogamous relationship.
Open relationships hardly ever work for couples who both wanted it let alone ones where one didn’t want it. The relationship would either be over straight away or over once one person became so miserable and depressed that they’d had enough.
If you stay, you’ll only be torturing yourself and eventually break up anyway
It’s over, Bro. Please love yourself enough to RUN from this situation
She doesn’t love you
If you say yes it’s over between you and her. You won’t be able to get back to what you thought was special which isn’t to her.
You said that if you didnt she would do it anyways, basically telling that she would cheat on you if you didnt open the relationship, and you still didnt ended the engagement? Dude you have some serious self steem problem
Dude, if she would have do it anyway, then she doesn’t respect you and see you as a safety net. The chance is she already met someone and wanted permission to cheat if she didn’t do it yet.
Bro you’re not even old enough to drink. Get married later.
She likes you but she suspects there’s something better out there. She’s too chickenshit to just break up and go explore, because she wants you to stick around as a backup plan in case she tries out a bunch of dicks and can’t find one that’s a better fit. So she proposes an open relationship. If you agree to it — which you shouldn’t — you’ll have to accept that she is shopping for your replacement. If she comes back to you, it will only be as a last resort — and she will keep window shopping.
This way leads to nothing but misery
You can’t change her mind though. That’s a fools errand. She has told you that she is capable of having sex with other guys while staying in a relationship with you. You two aren’t comparable.
Combine this with the fact that you say you know she would just do it anyway makes me wonder why you think she’s good for you. Wouldn’t you rather a woman who respects you and the relationship? Wouldn’t you rather a woman who feels you’re enough for her?
Break up with your fiancé and let her fuck whoever she wants. A better woman is out there for you.
Break up.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but better now before you’re married. She’s already made the decision, you either have to be ok with her sleeping with other guys or break up. I would vote the ladder if it were me.
She is cheating on you and wants to make it easier to do so.
Drop her cheating ass. And find yourself a wonderful girl to be with.
You did not go into the relationship with open relationship crap in mind. She is milking you.
She is not in love with you and wants the cake and eat it too. To her your just a dumb ass that can be manipulate. I strongly suggest that you Break up with her. You will be hurt worse than now if you stay.
Break up and go NC.
If my girlfriend ever asked to open the relationship, I would automatically end the relationship.
Dude these posts are a daily occurrence and they never end well.
Anyone wanting to experiment with others isn’t ready to be anyones fiancé. And if you are and have always had a very intimate view on sex and monogamy this isnt the relationship for you. As a married woman take this from someone married for a while.
Bringing anyone into your relationship especially when you arent comfortable with it will bring resentment and pain.
She wants to sleep with other people you dont.
She wants to have fun outside of just being with you… that’s kind of the opposite of what a commited couple is.
If you force yourself to do this you will end up hating her. And she most likely wont be very happy with you sleeping with other girls either because she wants u to allow her to do it with other men.
There is nothing wrong with open relationships but again this is something thats a bigass deal and takes alot of communication and trust. And it’s agreed apon by both parties. And even those have a LOW ASS success rate with couples breaking up because of jealousy and the fact partners caught feelings or started to neglect their original partners.
Just search this shit in this sub alone.
Find someone you are actually on the same page as… that’s what marriage is. Respect yourself enough to not let her guilt u into this.
She clearly isnt ready to be in a relationship because she wants to fuck around while having the comfort of u to come cuddle with after she gets plowed by other men.
If you are okay with knowing that… good luck to u..
Break up and don’t get back together after she’s experienced others.
You are both too young to get married. Her attitude of doing whatever she wants because it “feels good” may change when she gets older, but it very likely may not. It is a sign of lack of impulse control and a very self-absorbed person, however, and not a good life partner.
You won’t change her mind because so far for most of your relationship what you describe is she just stomps on your concerns and goes for it. Definition of crazy: trying to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
She already had someone in mind babe. Your relationship is dead. Love yourself enough to leave
Be fortunate she didn’t hit you with this after you got married.
Look, she flunked the fiance test. You are not going to change her mind, she already has at least one guy targeted if not a few. And she’s going to have sex with them because it’s not that meaningful to her as it is to you. That’s a baseline incompatibility that murders marriages and other committed relationships.
The foundation of your relationship is cracked apart. You both are so young that you can heal relatively quickly as you get on with a happy life. I am sure you will find a loyal lover more quickly than you think.
This is why you don’t get married when you’re twenty.
You are incompatible in multiple ways and she sounds impulsive and selfish. Not good traits in a partner….
You are only 20, don’t waste these years on her or you will look back in regret.
Get out there and find a more suitable match.
The damage is already done man, if you feel like this now what are you going to do when she comes bouncing in all “omg so and so just raaaaaailed me babe it felt so right in the moment”
You’re too young to be this stressed about a relationship, bail out.
Dont marry before your 30’s
Fuck that. Don’t marry her. Nothing good will come of you marrying this woman.
Take advantage of the open state of your relationship to find a girl who shares your real values.