Husband (31m)not attending funeral with me (26f), we have been Together for 5 years now and i really thought he would go.
My dad died recently and there will be a funeral soon.
Me and husband got a dog a while ago and he doesent want to leave him alone. I have tried to come up with suggestions that maybe his mom can watch him or someone else in his family for a day or two.
To my understanding we both agreed on that.
Now he is saying “are we really leaving him alone? We can spare money if i stayed home” or “is it unacceptable for you that im staying home, because you are not saying anything”.
I don’t want to force him. When he talks about staying home i go quiet and he gets irritated. I just don’t know how to handle this. And also, i don’t want to fight i am grieving and it’s hard to handle everything now. I know if i say no, you have to come with me, we will fight so i said to him that his support means a lot. But it was not enough and i had to choose, because saying that his support means a lot was not choosing. So yeah again, he stays home.
I am really sad about this and don’t know how to talk to him about it.
Sorry about the grammar, English is not my first language.
Any advice is appreciated.
11 comments
> Me and husband got a dog a while ago and he doesent want to leave him alone. I have tried to come up with suggestions that maybe his mom can watch him or someone else in his family for a day or two.
I’m sorry, but WHAT? My husband and I got a new dog about 4 months ago…. and while my husband loves the dog and would prefer spending 24/7 with him if possible…. he still has his priorities straight and would go to an essential even like a funeral.
Unless your dad was an extremely toxic, abusive person….I don’t see how him staying home is even an option in his eyes.
> I just don’t know how to handle this. And also, i don’t want to fight i am grieving and it’s hard to handle everything now. I know if i say no, you have to come with me, we will fight so i said to him that his support means a lot. But it was not enough and i had to choose, because saying that his support means a lot was not choosing. So yeah again, he stays home.
“Husband, you are my partner and I NEED your support at my dad’s funeral. You staying home is not acceptable in my eyes, and yes, I start feeling resentful. I realise that it’s more fun to stay home with our dog, however, my dog died. This is NOT funny for me at all either and again, I NEED you, and given your behaviour, I think individual and couple’s therapy is a must.”.
Sorry for your loss OP. My dad died 2 years ago….so I know how you feel.
He is an awful person. He shouldn’t need to be convinced to go to your father’s funeral. Even if he ends up going, he clearly doesn’t see the importance of paying respect to your father or supporting you. I’m so sorry for your loss and this horrible situation your husband has put you in. This is unforgivable. He’s making the whole situation worse and this isn’t what you need.
I would tell him how hurt his lack of support and understanding of your needs at this time is overwhelming and if he can’t or won’t help you through this time then maybe he needs to rethink his life.
Just say it very clearly. My father died and I want you my husband to accompany me at the funeral because I need your support. Stop beating about the bush. Tell him clearly.
Thanks for the support! And also a update.
I told him i choosed for him to come. But he got angry and said i wont. I thought he wanted me to choose but he told me that he did not mean that. It was because i was quiet so he thought i did not allow him to be home.
He wont come. Because of our dog. It’s one day, but he told me ‘ cant you go one day without me, and you have your sister there’. Told him that he is my husband and i need him. And he proceeds to say well she is your sister.
That’s that.
Seriously?!?
He has prioritized your dog over supporting you, his wife, at a very important time of your life. WOW!
I’m sorry OP, he is extremely selfish and has no care of your feelings. He’s telling you who he really is. I hope you listen.
I’ve lost both of my parents and my husband was there through it all without being asked. Went above and beyond for me and my family.
I read your update, but to be clear, he’s just not interested in being your partner, your rock, your emotional support.
You **thought** he would go? What the fuck, it shouldn’t even be a question, IT’S YOUR GODDAMN FATHER’S FUNERAL, **YES** he’s fucking attending, or he better have a goddamn fantastic, bombastic good reason not to.
I’m sorry that *this* is how you discover (or confirm?) that your husband, plain and simple, is a fucking asshole.
3 2 1 you need to divorce him!
I’m sorry you lost both your father and husband.
I’m so sorry about your dad. But hon, this would be my dealbreaker.
YOUR FATHER DIED AND YOUR HUSBAND IS ACTING LIKE THE DOG IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING THERE WITH YOU – and you somehow think this is an acceptable response?
Your husband is failing you in a fundamental way here. He is telling you that not even at your time of greatest need will he be there for you to support you.
He is pretty much telling you that if you get sick he will not be there either to support you. That the dog will be more important. or something else.
Because your husband is showing you loud and clear that he does not care about your wellbeing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in 2021. My heart goes out to you. And as for your husband – I’m sorry but this would be a dealbreaker for me. You deserve so much more.