I like talking about deep topics but really hate all the associated maintenance to get there, to the point that a lot of the times I prefer reading a book. The “maintenance” and “grunt” work of relationships is just too exhaustive to me. I hate small talk, I don’t care about people’s day and hate having people ask mine even more because it makes me feel self conscious about having nothing to say and puts pressure on me to have a life that’s interesting yet acceptable for other people to not think is weird. The people I have felt closest to in my life are the ones I feel truly accept me. Those whom I know aren’t judging me when they ask about my day, those who support me. Then I do care about their day, I do care about how they are doing, how they are feeling. But for most people I just can’t get there. Is there something wrong with me? Am I a psychopath or just too hard to please?
1 comment
I think maybe your expectations are unrealistic. You can’t just jump into a “deep conversation” with someone you don’t know that well. In the same way that you “don’t care about their day,” maybe they equally “don’t care about your book or ideas.” So then where is the common ground, what’s the basis for the relationship? Neither of you cares about each other, or what interests the other.
Which brings us back around to small talk. The purpose of small talk is to FIND something to connect on. If you have nothing to connect on, then you have nothing to share, nothing to care about, and no reason to interact.
So it might be worth asking yourself, do you WANT to interact with people and create relationships? Or are you content with those you’re currently connected to and focusing on books.
There’s no wrong answer to that, just potential insight into what you’re really after.