For example a few days a go I tipped a scoop of protein powder into my shaker, never bothered screwing the lid on and started to shake… made a mess absolutely everywhere.

I’ve also unwrapped a chocolate bar, held onto the wrapper and thrown the whole bar into the bin.

What examples have you got?

49 comments

  1. I tried to pick up my cast iron skillet from the stove top without an oven glove.

    Much regret was felt

  2. I was making caramel and I dipped my finger on the wooden spoon to try it and burnt my finger and the caramel.

  3. I’ve done the chocolate wrapper one.

    Searched for my glasses when I’ve been wearing them.

    Just put my phone on charge then reached for my pocket to check the time.

    Stepped into a shower with socks on.

    The list goes on.

  4. I once looked at my watch while holding a bottle of beer. Got beer on my shoes!

  5. Put powdered macaroni cheese on the hob while I waited for the kettle to boil.

    With the heat on.

    Pasta burns.

  6. I unlocked only the boot of my car, threw in my jacket, phone and keys, then shut the boot. (It auto locked)

    Luckily my friend still had her phone, so we had to call the AA and watch as he tried to break into my car. He did succeed.

  7. Burnt one hand on the glue gun at school and used the other hand to take the burning glue off, instantly burning both hands.

  8. Friend had swung by to pick me up for a few drinks out.

    He calls me, I say I can’t find me phone and I’m looking around everywhere for it getting angry with myself for losing yet another thing.

    He asks me how I’m talking to him.

    I’m stupid.

  9. I got a casserole out of the oven reached up to get something from the cupboard and the very hot casserole dish stuck to my stomach between my crop top and shorts I still have a scar

  10. Went to throw my socks in the washing basket and threw them in the toilet instead.

  11. Cracked an egg directly into the bin

    On a different occasion, I buttered my toast, cut it in half and then proceeded to throw it straight in the bin. In view of my coworker who I was chatting to.

  12. I can choke on air, fall up the stairs, I once left important documents for an interview at home 200 miles away, constantly banging my head (even after seeing what I would bang it on), grabbed things out the oven without oven gloves. The list is endless.

  13. I recently had a call with a colleague that included several minutes of me saying “hold on, I’ll need to find my phone to look that up” and walking around the house searching for the phone that was pressed to my ear

  14. Used the light from the phone to look for my phone… did this for over half an hour, the moment of realisation was a mixture of emotions

  15. I’ve texted a mate before, on a phone I told him I couldn’t find, asking him to call me so I can find it. Worse yet, he does it without questioning how I texted him from that number, and I even put my phone down so I could listen out for it. You can imagine my amusement when it started ringing.

  16. I have several of these moments a day.

    Most recently I turned the coffee machine on without a cup inside. Random objects end up in the refrigerator. I lose my phone in my hand or pocket 10 times a day. I can never find my glasses when I get out of the shower because I need my glasses to find my glasses to find my contact lens case so I can see.

    There are probably more.

  17. I was working with a soldering iron at high school and got into a conversation with someone. While I was on autopilot I rested the soldering iron on my arm and it burned all the way through my blazer and nearly scorched my arm. I remember thinking “where’s that burning smell coming from” only to realize that it was me

  18. Tried to pick out some boiled potatoes with my bare hands from the still almost boiling water.

    Poured water from the kettle into the jar of coffee instead of the cafetier

  19. Any time I have two different objects in my hands, my brain will shut down. E.g. I need to put one object in the bin and eat the object in the other hand, my brain will try to eat the litter and bin the food.

  20. I cut my shin to the bone when I forgot to put the kickstand down on my motorbike, got off it, let it go and it fell on me.

    Tried to ride my bike away with the disc lock still on the front wheel. £500 of cracked and scuffed fairing.

    Smacked myself in the balls trying to swat a mosquito.

    Tried to take a casserole pan out of the oven without oven gloves.

    Got multiple friction burns on my hands when I grabbed the cord of my dog’s extendable dog lead. While having the actual handle in my hand at the time.

    Got so drunk I couldn’t figure out how buttons worked. Woke up the next morning with the cuffs of my shirt still on my wrists where I’d torn them from the sleeves.

    Nearly blew a finger off after trying to make one big firework from a pack of little ones. Pretty sure my ears are still ringing thirty years later.

    Hot-swapped a CPU upgrade and let out the magic smoke. Twice.

  22. Did Jamie Oliver’s Christmas Get Ahead gravy. Took ages. Strained it directly into the sink…

  23. I once fully unwound a tin of luncheon meat using the key, and then for some reason put my hand over the jagged, sharp metal part to shake it out…

    My whole hand stung for a good few weeks after the initial cut healed, I’ve not had own-brand Spam since.

  24. I was driving home late ones and got cold, so I pulled over in a services and got a jacket out of my bag. Got back in the car and remembered that air con/heating are a thing.

  25. When I make a morning bowl of cereal and go to put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge.

  26. I once aimed my car key fob at the front door to try and get into my house. Not my finest moment.

  27. I’m the kind of person who yells this at myself if I do so much as misspell a word while typing an email, but to give a genuine story of a proper negative IQ moment…in university we had a gas oven and one time I couldn’t get it to light. After numerous failed attempts I got annoyed and tried sticking my head in the oven to give myself a better view.

  28. I was cooking Christmas dinner and went to strain the gravy. I poured the gravy down the sink. I’m still unsure if my wife has forgiven me.

  29. I filled the kettle then put it in the fridge. 10 minutes later I’m sitting on the couch wondering where my cuppa is.

  30. Using someone else’s phone to find yours and then upon finding it, ‘ooh missed call’.

  31. I was doing the pocket check list whilst sat in traffic just to make sure I had everything I needed for work, when I had the sudden realisation my car keys were not in my pocket. Thankfully was only 10-20 seconds before I realised they were in the ignition

  32. Booked an important meeting on the work calendar … turns out I had forgotten to invite anyone so it was only me there.

  33. When my phone broke spent a good half the day asking people for time updates…I was wearing a watch.

  34. I sometimes forget that things on my screen are just pixels. Like, I’ll try to drag a file from the desktop onto my actual physical desktop. Or copy text from a website and paste it onto a pad of paper on my actual desk. I don’t even know *why* I’m trying to do these thing.

  35. Probably the opposite but yesterday I was carrying my water bottle, my phone, one piece of plastic rubbish, one piece of cardboard rubbish and one piece of non-recyclable rubbish and I had to give myself massive congratulations for managing to bin each item successfully without binning my phone *or* water bottle. I felt so proud. Then I felt pretty dumb.

  36. My girlfriend had lost her keys one morning on her way to work, and I was out that afternoon and wouldn’t be back until the next day. So I posted my keys through the letterbox so she could let herself in when she got home…

  37. Things I’ve done at after parties at roughly 4am.

    Tried to call a cab on the remote control.

    Separate occasion asked everyone a cab number and they had me ringing the local police station (who took it well).

    Oh yes. Pulling an all nighter on the pc I decided to have a cup of tea. Have never, ever used a hob kettle. Put my electric kettle on the hob. A stench filled the room and I rushed to open the venetian blinds to get to the window and pulled them down, breaking them. Cost of disaster = 1 electric kittle, hob grids ruined, venetian blind irrepairable.
    Asked someone what the cd playing was and they pointed at the cd cover on the arm of my chair. I picked it up. It was a kitchen wall tile.

    Not at an after party – spent all day simmering bones for homemade broth. Drained the broth down the sink.

  38. When my second son was born, we went on a family outing about a week later – the first one with both a newborn and toddler in tow.

    It took meticulous planning of two bags, a pram, milk for baby, snacks for toddler, coats and hats for all – literally the car is packed to the rafters and I am furiously brainstorming in my head about what we might possibly have forgotten.

    We were halfway backed off the drive before I remembered said newborn was still fast asleep in his car seat in the hall ready to go.

  39. Put toothpaste on my toothbrush, started daydreaming, began brushing my hair with it…

  41. I set my hand on fire. I was cleaning an electric battery drill with electrical cleaner as it was playing up.

    Should have taken the battery out because if you touch the trigger, the motor brushes make a spark.

    I touched the trigger.

    When I was much younger and first moved into a new place I set some cooking oil on fire, I ran outside with the pan (good thinking) then ran inside to get a saucepan of water (bad thinking).

    I remember as I tipped the water out and it was making its way down to the flaming oil, a little voice in my head saying “I’m sure I’ve heard somewhere that you’re not supposed to do this……”

    Whoooomp!

  42. I went for my first sunbed 12 years ago ( I was 18 not used them for 10 years now ) goggles on and stripped then stood there in the little booth for 6 minutes even had the cheek to rub some cream on to help me tan.
    Went back two days later to see a smaller booth with a UV light in that little booth and realised I had stood in the changing room for my first sunbed.

  43. I was watching Homeland and in one scene the protagonist had her arms bound with cable ties but escaped by cutting through them with a piece of glass held in her mouth and I wondered if that was actually feasible…

    *It wasn’t*

    3 hours later I finally earned my freedom by getting a pair of scissors wedged in and banging them against the wall. My arms were so covered in cuts and bruises you’d have thought I’d survived a bear attack.

  44. 1. I have a coffee machine. It’s how I start my day right. I put in my favourite coffee and watched as it spurted my morning highlight directly into the drip tray. My mug was next to the machine.

    2. I piped up in anatomy class for clarity about saddle area anaesthesia with cord compression “is it the area as if you are sat on a saddle, or wearing a saddle?”. Apparently the notion of a person wearing a saddle is ridiculous. Please Google “daddy saddle” and “secretary saddle” for evidence that I’m actually not fucking stupid even if my entire class thought I was. It was in first year and I’m a doctor now and yet I’m still mortified.

  45. I have many. They usually happen after I’ve had a migraine and my brain is in recovery mode..

    Pre migraine brain thought putting my headphones in the freezer to keep them safe was a really good idea. Took me a week to find them and they were completely frozen. I’ve also done this with my kindle too.

    I’ve made a sandwich before, put the sandwich in the bin, the ingredients on the plate and the chopping board in the fridge.

    Last time I locked myself out the house, the keys were actually in my pocket the entire time. Only discovered this as my step dad pulled onto the drive, he has a spare set of keys for my house and had left work to come let me in. He thought it was hilarious and couldnt stop laughing.

    I’d zoned out during a work meeting, my manager who was sat next to me noticed and gently, and repeatedly, punched my arm until I came back round. Unfortunately the aphasia kicked in and I couldnt remember the word “punching” so my brain went ‘he is hitting you with his fist’ and what came out my mouth was “dude, stop fisting me”.

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one doing weird shit.

  46. Sink was draining slowly.

    Undid the U bend and poured it straight into the sink I had just taken it off.

  47. Went for a few drinks one night, not even that drunk really.

    Walked home and found that my key wouldn’t work in the door, so I was banging and banging at 12am begging for my roommate to let me in. Down comes a woman with her daughter hiding in the back shaking from fear. Turns out I had gone to the house I lived in four years prior for some reason. Apologised massively and finally found my way home.

    I like to think that I slipped into an alternate dimension

  49. I drove the 20 miles home from work on a Monday, went in the house and sat down with my house mates and watched TV and chatted for about 2 hours.

    Well into the conversation my house mates asked me how was my new flat.

    I moved out of the shared house the previous Friday into a flat that was closer to work and I had completely forgot

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