I was at his place to only talk and have a good time without anything sexual and communicated this in advance and also while I was there.
I said “no” emphatically several times while he started undressing me, kissing me, taking my nipple into his mouth etc.
But the guy didn’t relent and pushed again more for sexual activity after a short break and I then felt so pressured and without an out that I kind of bowed to the pressure and he fingered me and kissed me and made me give him a blowjob. It was so crazy it was like I was frozen and my mind just went completely blank? I am pretty sure I didn’t want this.
Would you consider this sexual abuse or even rape?
I am still so confused and not sure whether or not I am misinterpreting something or gave him a wrong impression or sth..
28 comments
Yes, 100%. I am sorry this happened to you.
Sounds a lot like rape to me, especially if there was physical constraint involved. (Did he keep you from walking away in any way)
You said no and he kept going? Then yes it’s assault .There is saying no as a form of play (which must be discussed before hand and agreed to by both parties ) then there is saying outright no. This fool didn’t care to know the difference so no you didn’t lead him on and he kept going. My dear I’m sorry this happened to you
Yes. That is rape and I’m sorry you went through that.
You said no and he kept going, point blank end of story. This isn’t okay and I’m sorry this happened to you.
Sounds very like my ex’s behaviour. I thought of it as extreme coercion at the time though kind of rapey too
Definitely sexual assault. Oh my. My heart hurts for you. ((Hugs))
It should’ve stopped at no and that was wrong of him.. my ex did something similar. I’m so sorry you went through that..I’d stay away from this guy.
Yes rape.
Don’t ever see him again.
So you said no while he was initiating sex with you because you didn’t want it, he kept going and took advantage of you knowing you didn’t want it. that is rape, I am so sorry this has happened to you.
As a man first sorry that happened, no means no.
Second definitely sounds like sexual assault at the least, possibly rape (legally) If inclined u may want to reach out to a lawyer or police.
If not inclined to pursue legal.action, I would not let myself be alone with him again as it may escalate to a more violent or forceful attack.
From a guy, Yes that is Assault. could actually be rape. No means no, you said no several times. That is textbook sexual assault.
don’t be alone with him again, Ever! Tell him he assaulted you, or better yet call the cops. This should not happen, Ever!
you might also think about therapy and assertiveness training. however, even if your no’s were whispers they still count.
As a guy I am hyper sensitive to a NO any no. If you were to come over and we started making out, because I thought that was why you came over, and you said No. I would need for you to give Positive consent before I would resume.
Even if I felt like kissing you when you were leaving I would ask. No means NO!!
Stay Strong!
As a guy I can’t imagine even maintaining an erection if the woman I was with said no or was clearly frozen. This is absolutely sexual assault and I’m sorry it happened to you.
Sounds like coercion assault and it still counts as SA/ rape. He ignored you completely and your response is valid freezing is what a lot of people do in this situation (self preservation it’s the least chance of getting hurt). You can report it but therapy might help you process better. Sorry you had to experience it , truly sucks.
Your compliance is not consent.
Everyone thinks rape is always some violent act in which the victim fights back. It more or less looks like this. I am so sorry. I can suggest RAINN for resources on your healing journey.
Rape that’s rape
Yes, that’s assault. I’m sorry this happaned to you. I second the suggestion of reaching out to RAINN for support. There’s counselors you can speak with either over the phone or through chat.
The same happened to me. It is rape, I’m sorry.
For sure. That’s for sure not listening
Yes this is SA and r*pe. Your reaction is also perfectly normal. A response in a situation like this isn’t only limited to “fight or flight” there is also “freeze or fawn.” It is shocking when someone you thought cared about you does something like this. I’m so sorry.
Go to the police
Oh my wonderful woman you. Yes this is assault. Your mind did what it could to protect itself. We all react differently and never know how we’ll react until it happens to us. You’ll be numb for a while and then it will sink in, don’t let the darkness consume you. Message me if you need to, I’m here.
We humans have 3 responses in dangerous situations to keep us safe, fight, flight or freeze. Your body sent you to freeze. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and I wish you strength to get through this and heal. Please talk to someone, seek comfort from a friend or family member. Much love xx
Go to the police.
I’m so sorry. Please don’t ever see that person again 🙁 You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
Go to the police and tell them everything immediately!!!
Well you said you dont want to have anything sexual in before.
And you said no and he kept going, so there was no consent and he knew that.
He kept pushing till you didnt say no any more and then went for it.
So yes pretty much abuse.
But there is another problem “you feeling pressured to do it” and not just leaving the place.
I’m sorry this happened to you, totally even if you did things (like blow him) he forced you. Please don’t see him anymore.