I’m working away for the year and my husband and son (2) are on their own. My husband is now the sole carer for my child and he’s full of pride and very stubborn. He’s one of those men who pride themselves in working to death to make sure everyone else is cred for while neglecting his own needs.
I hate this, I don’t find it heroic or noble because I believe you can’t pour from an empty cup, a philosophy he doesn’t care for at all.
He once admitted our son hadn’t had a bath in days because they’d been out for most of those days and by the time they got home, our son was knocked out and he didn’t want to disturb him. As a result, I used to check in with him to make sure our on had a bath before bed because he usually sleeps better after a bath. My husband hickory shut this down saying I should stop greying him like a child because he knows what to do.
He also tends to dodge going to the doctor when he’s sick. I work in healthcare as well and he refuses to let me treat him within my scope. So he’s recently been sick and I suggested he go to the doctor ms he said he would. I then asked him to please go even if he feels a bit better before he actually goes and he blew up and said I should stop treating him like a child.
I’m just a concerned wife and mother because I know how neglectful he can be towards himself and I know how hard it is to take care of our child without the other parent.
Am I being condescending? Or is he just seeing everything all wrong?
7 comments
Umm right. You obviously felt comfortable leaving him alone as the primary parent. Let him be that. You can’t have it both ways and he’s not your child. Your son will survive a couple days without a bath. Yes. You are definitely condescending.
You’re being condescending. And controlling.
If you don’t think he can handle being a solo parent, don’t leave him to be a solo parent.
We all have our ways of parenting, and obviously we believe our ways are the correct or best ways. If you were the solo parent, you would get to do everything exactly as you think is best. But you are not, and so you don’t — he gets to do things his way, because he is in charge.
You’re actually making this much harder for your husband than it needs to be. You’re offering critique and correction rather than support and encouragement.
Hahahaha I used to bathe my twins on Tuesday and Saturday and they lived to tell the tale. Your son will be fine. Give your husband some slack.
Your husband sounds unfit to be the caregiver.
>My husband hickory shut this down saying I should stop greying him like a child because he knows what to do.
what
Just to clarify when you say working away for a year, do you mean working a distance away so you can only see each other once a week or so, or so far that you won’t see them for year?
And yes a little condescending and controlling.
A child does not need a bath every single day. An adult does not need to go to the doctor every time they are ill.
Stop being a back seat driver and show your husband some trust, respect, and gratitude for taking care of so much while you’re away.
And if you need another angle to look at it… Don’t become the boy who cries wolf. If you make it a habit to nag him about little things, he’s more likely to tune you out when there’s an ACTUAL problem.