My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year at this point. I’m very happy with her, but we have been having an issue lately. Throughout our relationship, we’ve always been intimate, but lately it hasn’t felt right. Throughout November and some of December, we decided to not be as intimate because in September and October, we found that we were being too intimate and it was hurting both of us. Come late December, we decide to go at it again, and it ended up going pretty well. We went for about 3 rounds in a day, so i told her i wanted a break from it again for a while just because we had already done so much. We see each other about twice a week, and within 2 weeks, we were being intimate each time we saw each other again. Sometimes it was sex, sometimes oral or hands, but you get the idea.
I’m not blaming her. I don’t think she’s at fault. In fact, I know i enable the behavior because i don’t know how to tell her no. When she’s in the mood for intimacy or sex or anything like that, i just go with it, even if I know I don’t want to. I did tell her one day that I wasn’t in the mood, but within the next hour, we were making out and hands were both in pants. I have tried to stop her before, but when I do, she gets upset at herself for wanting that and just completely shuts me out. I don’t know how to make her feel better, so I usually just go along with it. I’ve talked to her about the intimacy, and each time she says we won’t do it again for a while, but then it happens again the very next time.
I don’t want sex and intimacy constantly. I just want to spend some wholesome time with her. I understand sex is an important part of a relationship, and I do enjoy it with her, but not with how often we do it and how I’ve started to feel obligated to do it. I don’t know how else I can fix this. I’ve cried many nights because of how gross and awful I feel from all of it and I don’t enjoy any of the intimacy anymore. What do I do? Any advice?
TL;DR I don’t like how often my girlfriend and I are intimate and have sex. I feel obligated to go along with it even when I don’t want to. I don’t know how to tell her no or fix this and need advice.
2 comments
Just tell her straight up, just like you told us. Maybe even read this post to her. It’s clear that you have a libido mismatch, which will be a challenge, but maybe you can figure out a compromise.
It’s not right of her to ignore your boundaries and keep insisting. I would be seriously considering breaking up if she continues to push.
Is it her breaching your boundaries that causes you to cry and feel gross, or is it because you believe frequent sex is gross? Either way, I’d suggest talking to a therapist about this. If it’s enough to keep you up at night crying and riddled with bad feelings, you really should talk to a professional. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this.