I love traveling, it’s part of who I am as a person. I’m a huge camper, I road trip all the time, my family lives all over the place so we plan vacations accordingly to visit. I try to go on one once every 2 years at LEAST.
My partner and I have been together for 3 years. This is something they have known about me the entire time. They also enjoy camping, and hiking and skiing just like I do. They talk about traveling to places all the time, and we frequently look up places to adventure like national parks and stuff together.
For the last 6-8 months, I’ve been planning a trip halfway across the country (USA) to visit family and go skiing. I bought our plane tickets 2 months ago. We leave on Friday. This passed Friday, my partner was laid off during a massive company wide lay off, and they told me that day that they will not be going on said vacation anymore. I was quite hurt, tbh, because most of this trip is already paid for by me/my family we’ll be staying with, and it’s during V-day and we had all sorts of plans already in the works for that whole week. I did also say way back when we first bought the tickets that I would be happy to go alone (it’s my side of the family we’re visiting) if they weren’t sure they wanted to go, and they said yes back then. Our plane tickets are not refundable, but we can get a credit with that airline at least.
They told me today that they don’t even like vacations and just see it as another thing to stress about. They said they see all vacations as just stress, not as a way to relieve stress (like they do for me). I’m trying to see this from their perspective of current finances and all that – which, they will be getting a severance package & unemployment & they have a hefty savings to use, although they are unfortunately not willing to dip into now that they’re laid off – but I’m really struggling to come to terms with the fact that something that is really important to me, straight up doesn’t matter to them at all. Something that they’ve known to be a major aspect of my life when we first met, something they even said was the reason they “swiped right” on me on the dating app we met on (is that the right direction? Shit, I don’t even remember lol) in the first place. It was a huge thing we always talked about. They always showed interest in my previous travels and they know I love it and they indulge in the ideas with me regularly.
This is the first big travel trip we would be taking together (flying together, etc) aside from a short road trip we took back in our first year together for a 4 day weekend ski trip. I feel like…. i don’t know how to feel, actually… I kind of feel like, deceived, in a way…? Idk if that’s even the right term for this, but… it just hurts my heart to hear them say that this doesn’t matter to them at all and acted like they didn’t care much that it hurt me to hear it. Idk what to think or feel about this right now…
am I just being petty? I am 100% still going, and I don’t want them to feel any type of regret or fomo if they see me have a great time without them… I also am worried about them staying home and figuratively drowning in their depression and anxiety the entire time (both of which have been diagnosed as severe a few years back, before we met). Maybe that makes me selfish or something? Idk, maybe I’m the asshole (I know this isn’t that sub) here but I really want them to go and have a good time and they don’t think they’ll have a good time at all, which is fair but also feels kind of unfair as well… or maybe thats just my perspective, idk sorry for the rant ): I just don’t know what to do or say to help them feel better or feel supported through all of this. Me saying I would pay for everything didn’t help and made them feel worse, even… any advice is really really appreciated
2 comments
Okay, you are 100% not being petty here, lets get that straight.
You communicated throughout your entire relationship that you love travelling. And in those 3 years this is the first time that you have ever heard of this from his side? That is BS.
Would that be a deal breaker for me? Dam right, we would be getting close to that for me.
Its like the entire time he was preaching a story that you wanted to hear, but was not his actual feelings. Its a blind side.
Now… Is he only saying this because his recent lay off and in a mood? Or is he saying this because depressing times can reveal true mental thoughts. Either way… are not desirable.
So, I would for sure go on your trip, with or without him. And then come back with a “What the fuck is your deal, tell me straight” type attitude.
I think you’re without a doubt in the right for your situation.
Its either he told you what you wanted to hear or hes now upset about being laid off and just lashing out at things.