Hey Reddit, this is pretty embarrassing to share as I know it sounds ridiculous. My gf has recently (past 6 months or so) been getting really into things like anime and k-pop and it’s been starting to really bother me and effect our relationship. It has especially started to bother me how she will incorporate it into our sex life.
It was all very innocent at first, she would just watch a lot of anime. But then she starting incorporating some of that stuff into the bedroom. I know this sounds ridiculous but what makes this sooooo difficult is that it seems like she genuinely enjoys this. She will make references to Jojo (her favorite show) during foreplay, say “Pika Pika” like pikachu when I play with her boobs, or sometimes do that high pitched Asian laugh (sounds like hee hee!) during full on penetrative sex. Sometimes she’ll ask me to call her Japanese names but I don’t do it because I’m not really into that. Also she’ll ask to listen to K Pop during this. This reached a breaking point when she made a comment I really didn’t approve of. She joking said she wants my “Black” in her “pink”, a reference to the K Pop group (I’m African American btw). I laughed but it felt really weird and like my race was being fetishized.
I have brought it up before that I feel like it bothers me a little bit. Personally it feels like a weird fetish but I don’t think it’s really my place to hate on something she enjoys sexually. What should I do? Or how should I bring this up again? We’ve been dating 4 years now so I really don’t want to ruin what we have based on something so silly.
31 comments
This has to be a troll
I feel like the best solution is to simply have a honest conversation with her – maybe propose that, while you’re fine with her hobby, you’d rather she keep it out of the bedroom and just focus on your intimacy. Like, with the anime laugh thing, tell her you just want her to act like herself when you’re in bed.
Well i think it’s time to have a serious sit down talk about your feeling toward this. If she genuinely is aroused by this stuff and she thinks this is her niche fetish that will not change, she needs to address that with you. She can’t just assume you want to change your life and how you have sex with out talking to you about it. It would be the exact same thing if you started to incorporate any other cutler or fetish without her consent. Is there a type of porn or something you watch that she doesn’t like? If so, maybe ask her if she wouldn’t mice incorporating the things you like so that you can both be happy. If she’s unwilling to incorporate the things you want as well or isn’t willing to turn hers down a little so you can enjoy sex together still, i dont see how you can work out long term and both be happy. Especially if she’s starting to make semi racist remarks and is excusing it with her new found fetish of Asian culture.
Can I safely assume she’s white? Because it really sounds like it… This isn’t just about a sexual fantasy, this is straight up orientalism, aka Asian fetish, aka yellow fever, meaning objectifying Asians and Asian culture and looking at them only as sex objects. She is also doing the same to *you* (your “Black” in her “pink”). This would all be a deal breaker for me on its own, but I’d be willing to bet she’s shown other signs of racism.
Wow, are you my cousin or what? lmao he dated a girl that started getting into that kinda stuff wayyy too deeply. It started going downhill after he tried to tell her about herself. She got incredibly defensive and threw a whole tantrum with a super high pitch voice, still trying to be “kawaii”.
Shit was cringe. He left her. This was 2 days ago.
If a conversation about how her behavior has changed doesn’t go well, leave. It will 100% get worse from there.
In my early 20s (now in my 30s) I went through a phase of really loving Korean drama, the characters and actors were so pretty and the story or plot lines were so smart and well thought out… It was a great escape and actually learned a lot from the “lessons” that the actors learned in the shows, in so may circumstances I’d think “wow I don’t know what i’d do in that situation” and to see the way they handled it was a learning experience.
Without realizing it I found myself almost imitating the characters and how they dressed, if a certain actress had a green jacket and then I saw one at the store i’d buy it, and then later realized “hey this kind of looks like her jacket” it was almost second nature and so ingrained lol but I grew out of it and realized it kind of silly.
However for me it was not so much the culture but who the characters are, I like the hero type characters and wanted to emulate that behavior because they presented characteristics that I really like, for example some were honest, hard working, professional, fun etc.
Maybe your girlfriend see it that way too? Maybe she sees these characters as “funny” or “fun in bed” or “sexy characters” and she wants to emulate that too without really realizing the reality of it? I don’t know if shes purposefully trying to do it or just really likes it so much that its becoming second nature, so I would talk to her about this…
Also this is totally a meme! [https://i.redd.it/ecy69rkciba81.jpg](https://i.redd.it/ecy69rkciba81.jpg)
Are you sure she isn’t mimicking people on TikTok? When was the last time she got out of the house and went to a museum or an art gallery?
Please leave this racist drama queen. This is so shameful. She’s literally passing herself off and getting off sexually based on her interpretation of what Asians are.
I don’t even want to say too much lest I get banned from this place but this is all too common with certain people 👀.
I just read another post where the pregnant wife is hellbent on having a “gay transgender” baby, come hell or high water because she’s obsessive about being progressive and inclusive so she WILL have this type of baby.
Korean here it’s not racist to like our shit even if it’s too the fan girl level. The anime shit is not racist either everyone that watches will do the voice acting tropes. The black pink was borderline. Stop saying shit is racist if you are not part of that race. Like you do realize k-pop was designed to be popular outside of Korea to make more money. We literally want you to love that shit. Same with anime since it’s mainstream now.
Look, Im a woman and I love asian culture. I eat a Japanese based diet (it helps so much with some of my chronic digestive issues!), I love anime, super into asian historical stuff, you get my drift.
but I do not fetishize asian people or their culture, and she is. You can appreciate a culture, enjoy what you are allowed to partake in, and the line stops there. Appreciating what a culture has to offer does not allow you to fetishize the people within it. Not ok in any sense.
I would have a sit down and ask her WHY she feels the need to do this. Is it coming from a “I just want to be very cute and innocent too” standpoint? You also need to be very firm in telling her what she said to you was hurtful.
Time to do some deep diving.
fetishes in general are not inherently bad, but fetishes that center around specific races or cultures are not just bad but racist so yea i don’t blame you for being out off and i would have a serious talk about it. fetishizing a race of people is not okay, in any circumstance.
I love anime and cutsey kawaii shit, and even I think this is friggin’ weird and inappropriate. Beyond cringe, and feels racist. I mean, if a partner brought weird stereotypes of my culture into the bedroom, I’d be weirded out af and tell them to leave.
This is gross. As an asian girl this is not okay.
The “your black in my pink” is where I changed my mind from “have a straight up conversation with her” to “eww no way.”
She IS fetishizing both you and Asian culture, and that’s not what you need in a relationship. I’ve literally said cringy things during sex like (TMI warning: we joked about sex as doing the “hanky panky” so I said “stick your hanky in my panky”) but I never said anything specifically racist like that. She needs to fix herself, that was out of line. I don’t think you’re ruining something based on something “silly”
Key words:
-Fetishization of Asian culture
-Koreaboo
-Asiaboo
-Weeaboo
Culture is not a kink 😊
Asian cultures so are diverse! and there are good ways to celebrate them and consume Asian entertainment respectfully.
The problem is not watching anime or k-dramas, but how she appropriates and fetishizes what she consumes.
There is much much beauty we can learn from engaging with diverse Asian content.
Yikes bro, all of my friends are Asian and this is something they often have to deal with where people only view them based on anime culture and other absurd stereotypes. It seems like your girlfriend doesn’t view Asians as real people with their own cultures and personalities.
This has to be a larp
Other people have said it, and I’m going to say it too. This is not about your girlfriend fetishizing anime. This is not about your girlfriend deciding to mimic things she sees in anime.
This is about your girlfriend fetishizing Asians and their culture. It’s extremely harmful.
I’ve seen some of your comments and you said that your girlfriend speaks in “broken English” and she’s white??? What because she thinks it’s cute? As an Asian American, I’m here to tell you it’s NOT CUTE. It’s not cute to be doing this because we’re given SUCH A HARD TIME about speaking English “properly” in America, while your girlfriend is treating it like some adorable quirk.
You can’t just “erase” her interest in anime. That’s not going to solve the issue.
I understand that as a POC, it might be hard to admit that you’re involved in a long term relationship with a racist. I get it.
But I have to ask, why are so okay with this behavior outside of the bedroom?
Edit: spelling
Bud you need to run this girl has some serious issues with race and a weird ass obsession with Asian stuff
This is genuinely pathetic. Run away. As a Japanese woman she is sick in the head. Next she’ll be using the N word during sex
“Put your black in my pink” bruh wtf lmao
I’m yet to see or meet someone that listens to kpop and is a normal person 😵💫
First off is she Asian? Bc otherwise this is super racist and fetishizing of Asian culture. Not ok.
How about this, you stop being such a big baby and tell her to cut that shit out? You sound like a pushover
Go onto tiktokcringe and blatantly laugh at the cringey weebs and excitedly show her lol
Sunk cost fallacy. You’ve spent 4 years with her already so you feel like if you leave, that would mean you just wasted the past 4 years and all the time you spent with her.
Man, she does Asian blackface with her friends on the regular though. What else would you call dressing up as a stereotypical Asian schoolgirl, bowing to waiters, and talking in a bad Asian accent with broken English? That shit’s racist as fuck.
As a Kpop fan myself, we do not claim her. That’s insane. Talk to her about how that’s freaking you out. Also, she is acting in a way that is very racist and fetishizes East Asians
>She’ll sometimes say things like “Where my chopsticks” in a broken English accent that I find very cringy and partially offensive
My girlfriend and I are super into anime as well. Not so much into k-pop… she listens to some BTS songs but isn’t actively into K-pop. But yes, the two of us binge on Anime and she also binges on Manga.
Do we have anime characters that we think are hot? Yes.
But do we bring that to bed? No.
A former acquaintance of mine who was also into anime was having dinner with us and he said something along the lines of – you must be really lucky to have a weeb girlfriend, does she call you oniichan (literal meaning- brother….very innocent but most western weebs bring it up as some hentai fucked up incest shit) in bed?
Both me and my girlfriend visibly cringed at that notion. Needless to say, I cut ties with him.
My point is, OP… whatever she is doing is not normal. Sure, some anime are hyper sexualised and people are into role-playing and shit but that needs to be consensual. If it isn’t then it is a problem. Also her sexualizing other cultures in bed is very inappropriate. Cultures are not kinks.
Enjoying Asian media is totally fine … but adopting these kind of stereotypes, especially as part of your sex life, is racist.
Damn I love when people fetishize and water my culture down to pikachu and anime
I have no advice because I would have tapped out after the first ‘pika pika’.