A little back story. I met my boyfriend three and a half years ago and we were best friends for two until I finally realized I was in love with him which that is a different long story. I met his parents shortly after we started dating and a couple months later they found out we had sex. They are deeply Mormon and don’t approve of sex before marriage. This set my relationship with them to a really awkward start. Ever since I’ve had really bad anxiety around them and not just about our relationship but just with everything. I’ve been going to therapy to help with my anxiety but I feel like I’ve hit a point where it’s not getting better. Yesterday me and him were cooking pot stickers in his parent’s kitchen and we kissed. I don’t know why I opened my eyes but I saw his dad walking in out of the corner of my eye and I pushed him off me and walked really awkwardly away from him. Which just made it like 10x worse. He laughed at it and walked away but how do I stop feeling this unbearable anxiety around them. Everytime I feel like it’s getting better I go and do something like this. Please help me they are very nice people I just want to feel so much anxiety around them.
1 comment
would our own stories of humiliation with inlaws help?
The first time I met my now ex-mil, a wonderful woman I still talk to and visit, I humiliated myself epically. I was 26 at the time and my BF and I where fooling around on his couch. His parents owned a big house that was separated into 4 compartments: his grand-parents, parents and his apartments as well as a B&B. we where in his apartment and he had his hands down my pants and we where really getting it going aaannnddddd in walks mother in law to tell us diner was on the table. I jumped off the couch and it twisted my BF hand (he needed ice) My mil went bright red and ran out I was standing there in the middle of his living room with my pants unzipped and pulled down… just… great first impression! She came back 20 minutes later, knocked shyly on the door and we all had a “yeah lock the door next time” talk.
the time after that? no better. this was the middle of summer and I was wearing white shorts. I was sitting on her beautiful patio set with cushions and guess who decides to make an appearance? Wonderful aunt Flo! I didn’t realize I bled through my shorts and into her cushions ( I usually get horrible cramps so I know instantly I need to get stuff together but that time I had no advance warnings). I hid in shame in the bathroom and sent my BF to DISCREETLY go see if I stained the couch (I was a crying mess and sooo humiliated) there comes a knock on the door, dummy was not discreet and told his mother what happened and she was at the door with pads and a smile.
And because there is never 2 without a 3! sometime at the end of summer I walked into my inlaws place, said hello and hugged everyone, bent over to pet the dogs and ripped my shorts right in front of FIL… I swear I thought I was cursed. They still laugh about it to this day and say I was the best DIL they ever had because they couldn’t wait to see me and what would happen next!
Just, I know it’s hard, and I know it’s a struggle, be kind to yourself and please know you are not alone. When that BF (now ex) met my parents for the first time my dad walked out of the bedroom in his underpants to come and shake his hand, My stepmom and I yelled at my dad and he just had this “say something, I dare you” twinkle in his eye as he smiled and was shaking BF hand.
Urgh, My family! Anyways OP. please don’t worry. practice your breathing or what other exercise helps you work through the anxiety and know it’s ok.