I’m (F), mid-late 20’s and I’m not in a relationship or anything.
I kinda know this guy who’s nice and all, and I think he’ll agree to have sex with me but I’m scared to ask.
See, I have a medical condition that is largely the reason I’ve generally not been expressive sexually. A lot of times I’ve had sex, I end up in a lot of physical pain. Not in my sexy regions, just general body pain that happens when I get too excited physically. This even happens with working out and just generally exerting myself. But I need dick BAD!
A lot of times I’ve not had sex cause I feel like I’d be a burden to the person I’m having sex with. There are even basic positions I can’t do (doggie, anything that puts pressure on my knees and back, etc) point is, I’m limited.
So I’m wondering, how can I bring this up with a guy? I want to feel and be safe and have good sex.
How do I have this conversation with a (this) guy without scaring him off? And to the men, is this something that would be a major turn off?
5 comments
Just have a conversation with him about a FWB situation and discuss your limitations. If he’s into you and open to having sex I don’t think your physical limits would scare him off. It wouldn’t bother me but definitely would appreciate knowing up front to make sure you’re comfortable during it. It would be shocking not to know and just have it go bad during sex due to your pain.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with choosing your positions together. My wife and I do pretty much straight up missionary 90% of the time and we are fine with it. Yeah we’ve experimented but that’s just what works best.
Just tell him you want to have sex. When it comes time, present yourself in the position that you think will work best and guide him. If he pushes you toward something that won’t work, just push back with a simple “no that hurts” . He won’t want to cause you pain.
Do not talk about sex at all. Just say we should hangout.. then ask for his schedule.
You can even suggest a bar that is close to your house so that later on you can ask to kick back at your place.
Guys are not stupid, he will know you like him. Most men would prefer you like them to have sex than just blurt it out if he wants to fuck.
Make sure you inform before proceeding. I am male and hate when foreplay begins before I even realize it is happening…. Too logical.
I have fibromyalgia and I understand this situation very well. I too thought I would be a major turn off. But if you tell your guy this is what works for you, and this is what doesn’t, and he backs out or doesn’t respect it, then he wasn’t going to be a good partner anyway and you weren’t going to have good sex. I discuss things I like or don’t like with a new partner through light sexting in the days leading up to it so there’s a space there about ‘us’ and it’s one or two layers away from pure emotion and confrontation. If he’s keen to make you feel good, he will listen to you and put it in practice. In the days after sex, we talk about what we liked about it, and what we’d want to do better or maybe a new thing. Just have that forum of discussion open and you’ll be alright.
A lot of people love sex, but hate talking about it, and that’s why a lot of people are bad at it. I actually see my medical condition as a blessing now, because I *needed* to talk about it in order to make sex good, and it became a whole erotica novel worth of great sex. Talking is awesome. Talking makes everything better. Even during, if you’re into that.
As for getting past the self-hate and anxiety over explaining your sexual limits because of your condition, I suggest combining it with making the things you *can and like* doing seem like a dream, e.g. Your back aches today so riding is out of the question. So you tell him it gets you so hot just lying there, trapped under him, like a doll that feels all the things, seeing him loom over you, and what he does to you blows your mind (or whatever gets you hot; he might not have even been into it until he saw how hot it got *you*).
EDIT: spacing.