what is the right amount of eye contact in conversation?

9 comments

1. A little more than not enough, and a little less than too much.

2. That depends entirely on context, culture, etc.

3. Like 80% does it for me

4. I guess it’s best to make eye contact when someone is asking a question or to try and make eye contact then take quick breaks focusing on something else around you, that way it might ease the pressure in feeling the need to look at the person’s eyes or potentially making things feel awkward

5. In a one-on-one conversation, ook at them when they are talking, then glance away for a second before you respond. When you speak, look back at them. This shows them that you care about what they are saying and you thought about it before you responded.

6. The worst is when you suddenly become aware you’ve been making eye contact and now you can’t hold it anymore

7. Hi OP,

   Another r/socialskills commenter recently posted about “the 80/20 rule.” Basically, the idea is that you should make eye contact more often when listening than when speaking: 80% of the time when listening, but only 20% of the time when speaking.

   I was interested to hear this, for I have intuitively always followed exactly this kind of approach. I make a lot of eye contact while listening, because it shows interest in the speaker (and perhaps it also allows me to better get a sense of what they are saying). I make less eye contact when speaking, because looking away allows me to collect my thoughts, and also because I feel kind of arrogant looking at someone while I speak.

   I would guess I come pretty close to 80/20, and this feels natural to me, but YMMV. I think the basic point is just less when speaking, more when listening.

8. Look at them about as much as they look at you

9. I always go for the death stare
   Jason Genova style