To keep it short I (21F) cut ties (?) with my FWB (30M). We only been sexually active since December but the spark died out, my relatives found out and my older sisters specifically did not approve of me talking to an older man and was encouraging me to stop. He had six kids, five baby mamas, and literally went to prison for almost two years. I just feel emotional because he’s not a bad guy but the choices, his age, and the fact we had barely anything in common contributed to it. Plus I want to talk to guys and girls my age and not necessarily be just around older guys who aren’t doing anything with their lives. I feel extremely guilty because he got me stuff, and I didn’t even get him a present for his birthday.
… are my feelings justified or am I being dramatic and need to relax? Because granted he did say he was upset and was “feeling some type of way” when I told him I fucked a dude (who.. is 19 but turns 20 in one more day). He had reasons.. but then he was starting to get territorial.
4 comments
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You made the right decision. Yes, OK he may have been very kind to you and bought you gifts…but he was getting regular sex, so it’s not like he was being completely altruistic. But look at what you write:
1. He was starting to get territorial – so he was starting to show signs of serious jealousy.
2. He has 6 children by 5 different women – so he is irresponsible and doesn’t take proper precautions for this kind of thing. One or two children you MIGHT be able to make the argument that he’s only slipped up twice out of however many women he’s hooked up with but six children with five different women? Yeah, that’s a pattern, not a series of accidents.
3. He was in prison for 2 years.
And yet despite all of this he’s “not a bad guy”. No, it sounds like he very much IS a bad guy, but you were just sucked into his orbit. You also had nothing in common, so I’m confused as to how you two even met! And no ,he did NOT have reasons to be upset you met someone else. You two were not exclusive, only FWB. He sounds unreasonable and insecure. Be glad you are out of his orbit and can meet people who are at least more responsible and trusting. I say this as a man – this guy was not a good one at all.
What made you go for him?
Take some learning lessons from this. Obviously there were some red flags there. He was treating it more like a relationship.
On the other hand since he was only an FWB. I wouldn’t be as concerned about the gap. I don’t tell many friends or family about these kinds of partners. I don’t need the judgement. Nor do I tell casual partners about each other. I would only do so if they were both raw for informed consent.