TL,DR: My roommate and ex best friend is acting hostile. She’s going through a divorce and is acting like a misogynist. She abuses my property and acts very snarky, and this is robbing me of my peace of mind. I want to move out without telling her, but the furniture belongs to me, so I need advice moving while she’s out. English not my first language.
I (F27) need all the help I can get moving out of my friend’s (Mimi 38) house. I’m exhausted and mentally drained. I moved in and agreed to split all the living expenses. Everything was fine until her ex-husband, from whom she was separated, finally asked for a divorce. She has become hostile, hates other women and constantly takes digs at me. This attitude has become very generalized towards other women. For clarification, I don’t resemble her husband’s AP and I hardly know him.
She pressured me 8 months ago to give more rent, which I did. Then asked for more, to which I objected, but she said the landlord said I was an extra tenant and needed to pay an extra $500. I was alarmed and being scared of getting evicted, went straight to him to try and negotiate or at least get a month before I had to leave. This area is generally expensive and when I came here, I was very new and long-term rentals were scarce. The landlord was surprised. He said they don’t really have any communication. I’ve been paying her almost 1.5x the actual rent. I’m not mad that she wanted margin, I’m angry that she lied to me and was bleeding me. The landlord agreed to sign a separate agreement so now I pay him directly. So while I have 2 jobs to pay for my business startup, she skimmed a small salary off my pocket. I’m paying 800 a month, and basically live in my bedroom. Once she found out, our friendship got ruined. I asked her to disclose the bill amount (utilities, etc.) and she’s refusing. So I made a calculation and I’m paying only my projected share because she has 3 adult children who have jobs and live at home. Same with food. I paid for groceries and would bring food in on Saturdays, and everything will be gone by Monday, even my food that I labeled as mine. All I asked was if they respected my stuff. I got home at 11pm and all the food has been wiped out. The last straw was them eating almost an entire birthday cake baked for me by a very dear friend. It was delivered to the house; I did share some of it and ate a slice. Next day, the whole cake was gone, and “nobody did it”. I cried so much because it’s very rare that anyone takes the time and effort to do anything nice for me.
I got frustrated with the way they treat my property. 90% of the furniture is mine, and they’ve been very rough on it. I put covers to protect it but they removed it because “it looks tacky”. We had an argument when I walked into the living room to her son (M19) laying on the sofa dripping in sweat from his basketball game. So, I’m spending way too much energy policing them to keep the covers on.
I’ve been selling my furniture bit by bit and this makes her very angry, but if I let her have her way the furniture will be useless in a couple of years.
I talked to the landlord and talked to a lawyer to make sure I can leave without legal repercussions. I found a new place 65 minutes from here. I already got confirmation that my startup is getting funded, and I don’t want to be here when word gets out (she keeps bringing up things she finds about me on google). I know it’s spiteful, but I made her pay for the cleaners to come do the furniture. She was hostile but she did it. I have a potential buyer and she took a lot of money from me, so it’s fair. Side note: I noticed things in my bedroom being shuffled around and one day (I know it’s wrong) I went into her and her children’s bedroom and found some earrings, shirts and an old cell phone case that belongs to me. It’s not expensive shit but they have no boundaries. I put a bolt lock on my door, and he went ballistic.
I’d like to leave when nobody is home. Just get the movers to take all my shit and leave. I know I’m being spiteful but I’m also trying to keep her from doing what she did to her other roommate (cried very loudly and started calling people and recording her ex-roommate). I’m also very resentful that she s-shamed me because my boss recommended the company hire me as a contractor when I get my certified license in 3 months. She wasn’t supportive and kind of said its common for young female entrepreneurs to “take one for the team”. I can’t stand her. Please, what measures do I need to take to just f-off without her being warned or at least do it as discreetly as possible? I already have three moving companies that I’m talking too and want to do it white they are at work. I’ve been collecting my small items from around the house and packing them. Help?!!
Edit: Sorry that I messed up her son’s age trying to type while on a waiting room. He is actually 19.
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4 comments
She’s 38 and has a 27 year old son that lives at home?
So she had her son when she was eleven?
If you have already consulted a lawyer you should be in good shape on that front. In terms of practical logistics, I would consider what will happen if this woman or one of her children happens to come around during your move. Will they go ballistic? Will there be violence? Will they interfere with the movers? Would the movers be comfortable moving out your furniture if one of them claims to actually be the owner of it? I don’t necessarily know the solution to these problems, but it’s something you should think about. I’d consider trying to have a large group of friends on hand to help neutralize any potential problems, and make sure your landlord is advised in advance.
For smaller items and boxes of stuff, I’d consider getting a storage unit and slowly moving things out over the course of a few weeks or whatever, just to minimize the amount of time the movers would need to be at the house. That may be overkill though.
I don’t think that you’re “being spiteful” by wanting to move out at a time where she and her kids aren’t there. Why would you want the drama that would arise otherwise? She’s entirely the reason that you two have had problems and she’s been disrespectful and dishonest for a long time now. You owe her nothing. Good luck with the move and the new place!