How do you cope with constant messages from the media telling you the you’re not pretty enough? Like reality TV, ads, makeovers, and the standard look for fictional women.

40 comments

  2. By not paying attention to that stuff and continuing along with my life. I don’t take unsolicited suggestions on my appearance. Messages from the media don’t obligate me to buy into that, so I choose not to. I base my appearance on my personal preferences rather than trying to be a suitably decorative object for what other people may prefer.

  3. I guess by understanding that the media is trying to sell a vision of who women should be to women who don’t already look like that. If most women looked like “the media” example, they wouldn’t make billions of dollars a year in cosmetics, surgery, fitness etc. If you look at the general population instead of your television you will quickly realize it’s not the norm it’s the exception.

  4. I joined pageantry, and allow me to let you in on what happens backstage.

    Those girls are GORGEOUS, but let me tell you, they don’t look that way irl. I was so conscious about my acne, marks, belly rolls, etc, especially with such beautiful pictures of my competitors. I felt like I wasn’t enough, like I was bound to lose.

    But those beautiful girls have the same or worse flaws that I have. Some of them even had far worse acne and leg scars, and yet I thought all along that they were perfect.

    Everything is photoshop and makeup.

    That experience really made me realize how fake media is, so now I no longer feel the pressure to look like the girls I see onscreen.

    To anyone reading this, NEVER compare yourself to what you see in media. That’s hours of makeup and photoshop. Even those perfect girls don’t lol like that irl. The standards are literally unattainable.

  5. I’ve never placed much value in the way I look. I’m not conventionally attractive and I’m not willing to put in the time and effort it would take to make me conventionally attractive. I know part of the messaging is that women are supposed to put a lot of value in the way they look, otherwise they’re “lazy”……or something.

    But I’ve been told I was ugly since I was a kid and instead of trying to change myself, I just put effort into being a fun, cool person to be around and enjoying my own company.

  6. I watch international films and tv shows. The European ones are typically not as preoccupied with casting beautiful people like Hollywood is.

  8. Just don’t give a fuck women stay healthy eat healthy workout be fit love and respect you’re body why the fuck would you listen to some old fat mofo telling you you’re not pretty

  10. I refuse to be a slave of societies standards, or a slave to anything in my life other than principles i personally have set for myself

  11. All I care about, in that regard, is whether the people I’m into find me pretty, and most of them do, so I’m good.

    People’s real-life preferences are generally much more diverse than the beauty standards foisted on us by mainstream media.

  12. – Focusing on my health. Working out to get fit and strong, and feeling healthy more than trying to achieve a certain look.

    – Taking care of the people I like in my life (friends, family), noticing why I like spending time with them (and none of those reasons are their looks).

    – From time to time look at instagram VS reality pages, lol.

  13. I severely limit how much mainstream media I consume, and instead give my attention to alternative media. I haven’t watched regular TV with commercials for almost 15 years, I just watch specific shows online without ads and indie things like YouTube videos and streamers. Or a lot of comics, many of which explicitly address how mainstream beauty standards are ridiculous, and pushed by companies just trying to sell us something.

    I’m also into alt and queer modelling, which has a huge emphasis on normalizing different body types and looks. I’ve done modelling myself.

    And lemme tell you, when you look unusual and outside the norm, and you put yourself out there and find out tons of people find that attractive, it really completely shatters that notion of needing to fit into “normal” beauty standards.

  14. I cope by telling myself they look nothing like that without make up or jobs done. They are all normal, regular people like rest of us

  15. I remind myself that it’s all fake. The airbrushing, makeup, filters, even down to the way that they pose for the camera. You can’t compare your average to someone else’s embellished best. So I don’t.

  16. There’s nothing to cope with, I’ve never based my value or worth on my physical appearance. I’m much more concerned with being a good person, being productive, achieving my own goals etc.

  19. I don’t know that I ever coped.

    I bought into it when I was younger, and it mindfucked me for a lot of years, but then I got older and wiser and more based, and, well, these days I don’t care what the media has to say about me or anyone else. I’m experienced enough now to recognize that it is all crap anyway

  21. I used to obsess over it. But life is too short and eventually we are all old and grey and will no longer fit the societal standard. I enjoy dressing up, doing my hair and makeup etc. But I am at a place now where I am more comfortable with myself and not willing to let insecurity eat me alive the way it used to (decade + battle with an eating disorder).

    My energy is now going to creating a life that I feel fulfilled in. Surrounded by people who love me exactly as I am, and allowing myself to enjoy their company and be present in the moment. I don’t want to be on my death bed remembering calorie counting on vacation and crying in the bathroom at parties because of how I look. That’s not what I would want for a loved one, so I’m trying to give myself the same compassion and grace that I do to others 💜

  22. As others have said, everything is so heavily photoshopped and filtered that the people in the media don’t look like that either. Look at photos of celebrities leaving the gym and stuff like that and they don’t look like their red-carpet selves either.

    The reason the messages are “you’re not good enough” is because they are trying to convince people they have problems so they can sell them products to “fix it”— it’s not because there’s actually anything wrong with you. I stopped reading most magazines when I realized half of magazines were obvious paid ads and the other half were articles written to promote products more subtly. With the rise of affiliate marketing, blogs went from actual articles to product round-up lists and posts that are solely “shop my links on Amazon.” It’s all designed to make other people money.

    I’ve known several people who have died young, some very young, and at this point in life I’m just grateful to be alive and generally healthy. I also think, are the risks of plastic surgery worth it? And for me, they aren’t.

  23. I see it for what it is, advertising and grooming. And I take not one single fuck of notice of it.

  24. I have a husband who thinks I’m cute, and I try to keep in mind that his opinion matters more.

  25. I started following people on social media who show their real side. Like fitness accounts who show themselves flexed and posed to look perfect as well as straight on and relaxed. Or themselves sitting down with their tummy rolls. Or Models who show themselves with and without make up.

    It’s really helped me to see that all those beautiful people in the media are actually normal people that look like me when they are in their natural state.

  26. Ι don’t watch tv, buy beauty magazines or browse insta often. So I don’t really give a shit.

  27. I make notes on what is considered unattractive so I can continue to embrace it to live my peaceful drama free life. I would basically have to kill myself to fit in the mold of what society deems attractive and sexy just to catch anyone’s eye and I would have to change everything that I am to want that which I don’t so I don’t. I am proud to say that I am still no one’s fantasy (sexual or otherwise) absolutely no one’s romantic conquest consideration, and absolutely no one’s consideration for anything couple wise and that is a HUGE relief. Keep on keeping on.

  28. By knowing that the media does in fact attack people’s insecurities/demographics to sell more product

  29. By not caring and also knowing that what the beauty standard is today is not remotely relevant to the standards from the past nor the future.

  30. I avoid the media. I don’t watch reality TV, I’ve deleted social medias that tend to promote ads/posts like that (basically just Instagram). I drown out ads on YouTube.

    With the messages I can’t avoid, I try to surround myself with normal looking people to cope. I never look at the women around me and think “she’d look better with longer lashes” or “she should do x to be prettier.” I think the average person is really pretty without needing to change things. Realizing that helps me realize that I also don’t need to change.

  31. Every woman wants to feel attractive, especially as they age. Big companies to greedy individuals are fully aware how to manipulate this.

    The marketing for ‘beauty’ products is ridiculous. Claiming to give perfect skin in X days, wrinkles ‘disappear’, ‘tightens’ skin, fat ‘melts’ away etc etc. Before and after images are photoshopped/airbrushed plus showing pics of famous people who can afford to have multiple surgeries.

    No wonder so many women have image/body issues and emotional distress.

  33. Realizing whatever the Media portays doesnt have to bother me. Aslong as I feel good in my own skin it doesnt matter what I Look like

  34. I’m selective about what media I consume. I despise media of any kind that portrays women as slabs of meat or playthings, and though I’m not completely impervious to its negative effects, I know what it is and steer clear. Why poison myself.

  35. I’m pretty picky about the media I consume, and now I rarely encounter that kind of stuff.

    Also, I just don’t *care* about being pretty. Literally – it adds nothing of value to the world. I’m sick of people assuming women have to or even want to look “pretty”.

    Pretty doesn’t equate to health. Pretty doesn’t equate to hygiene. I could not fucking care less if random people think I’m attractive or not.

  37. I laugh. I laugh at the ads for ‘anti-aging creams’ that use a 19 year old model. I laugh at the ads for ‘spray-painting makeup’ commercial that CLEARLY is being digitized to hide the very real truth that their products don’t work. And I laugh at the weight-loss commercials that claim ‘her no-sugar drinks’ caused her to get fat, but their skeezy product made her all thin!!

    Just laugh. I’m 40 and see the sad, predatory consumerism they are trying to pull. It’s astounding really! 🙂

  38. I don’t have a problem admitting that there are prettier women than me out there but have you ever met a woman like me? nope and you probably never will so I don’t care. As the others said, the most attractive thing about me according to people around me is my confidence, thinking skills and sweetness so I couldn’t care less if someone thinks I’m not pretty enough.

  40. Most media is faked. We’re not made to look the same anyway. I used to be so hung up on this. Why don’t I look like those girls… Now I’m realising those girls don’t even look like those girls. I’m just happy in my skin and want others to feel the same. Screw the media.

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