After my second date with a girl I met online, I asked her if she would be my valentines and she’s said she wish I would have asked her sooner but she has already made plans with another date and said we can meet up the week after. I’m pretty new to dating so I was taken aback that she is seeing other people but said sure that would be great while dying on the inside. Feeling like second best at the moment as I’m really into her. Not sure how I feel about her seeing someone else on Valentine’s Day. Should I cut my loses here and move on or just go along for the ride and see how it plays out?
Edit: We talked about plans for the third date and she seems pretty keen. It’s just awkward messaging her leading up to her date on Valentines. What do I even say?
27 comments
I dunno, for me I’d probably be out, def appreciate her honesty but I’d take it as you’re not a priority so maybe this ain’t it
After two dates? Take it easy, dude. You don’t even know her.
You’re both in the dating game. She’s going to be dating other people, that’s normal.
You’re not exclusive, in fact far from it.
I wouldn’t throw away getting to know her just because she’s dating someone else, but just be mindful that she is keeping her options open – and you can too.
Well she’s made it clear you’re not the only one…What if it goes well with the other date then you’ll be SOL. Just move on
I switched my dating to fuck yeah or not at all. Met my wife after ditching a few dates that had similar openness/ uncertainties. Bias, but I’d bail. If she’s not thinking “I don’t want to got V-day with this guy I want to see Logical Poem again” then the connection isn’t there and you should save your time rather getting pretty close but not quite right with someone because of checks in boxes.
This one’s up to you and what you want in a relationship. It’s fairly normal, I believe, to date multiple people at the beginning of a relationship. However, if you’d prefer a monogamous connection, that’s fine too. Just tell her. She then decides whether she likes you enough to stop dating the others. But she might prefer to get to know people before becoming monogamous. If that’s the case, you’re incompatible.
I’d be weirded out if someone asked me to be their Valentine after two dates, honestly. Like simmer down, I’m still celebrating February 15th, discount candy day, until we’ve been together at least for a few months, then we can celebrate a holiday like that.
I don’t think it’s fair to assume that you’re going to be exclusive with someone after two dates. That’s just not a fair expectation. If you want to be exclusive with this woman, talk to her after your next date. She may say no – lots of people from both genders may want to get to know someone better than you can in 3 dates before going exclusive.
This is not a situation where you need to “cut your losses.” Your expectation that she’d just assume you’re exclusive after 2 dates just isn’t reasonable. If you want someone who is going to stop dating others, without having a discussion about it, after 2 dates, you’re likely to be very disappointed for a long time.
Sounds like you weren’t aware she was seeing other people? Were you under the impression you were exclusive?
Casual dating is totally cool, a lot of people do it. Everyone just needs to be on the same page. If you’re not into that, be honest. She may not be ready for anything exclusive and that’s also okay. But that’s how mature adults date, those kinds of conversations are important.
Ask someone else out…stop getting hung up about this.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate her honesty. 🤷♂️
Edit: with some advice for OP. Honesty is a green flag man, she has shown you something really positive about her personality here. I do wonder if you will return the favour and honestly tell her that you had a bit of a spiral over all this? Will you honestly tell her that you asked on reddit for advice about it?
Some people are not ready for honesty, you may need to look at yourself. Either way, she has done nothing wrong, and hasn’t “disrespected” you. No boundaries have been established yet and it is quite normal to date like this.
She’s not dating someone exclusively so it’s up to you if that bothers you or not.
These days it’s not that uncommon to casually date 2 (or more) people and after a few dates decide if it is working out or not.
Decide for yourself what works for you.
You’re going to get opinions all over the place on this because everyone’s dating style is different. No one is right or wrong. Only you know what you want out of dating and relationships. Know what you want and stick to it and you will be much happier in life. Don’t let internet opinions sway you to do something you don’t want.
Some people are Ok with dating multiple people at one time , others are a one person at a time dating p ersonality . I don’t think it comes down to cutting your losses, it comes down to are you fine with someone you’re dating, dating other guys as well?
Personally, I’m not ok with someone I’m seeing dating others. I’m not into casual sex and if someone is having sex with others, I’m just a nope. If they want to, more power to them, but that is a boundary for me. If someone I was dating said they had another date for Valentines I would just thank them and move on. Actually, I was upfront on a first date or the lead up to the date what my boundaries are so I wouldn’t run into this situation.
If you’re into this girl and can see a long term future with her, maybe stick around and see where it goes. If it bothers you, she is dating others, just move on. You’re only 2 dates in.
Everyone has different expectations from dating, if I’m literally in the dating phase and it’s only few in then I don’t stress about anyone else, if it gets to the physical side then I make sure I’m the only 1.
It depends on what you can tolerate and expect and if you don’t want to wait for her then move on and that’s absolutely fine. To me there is no right or wrong when in early dating stages.
Some people date around before picking who to become exclusive with, some people date one person at a time and give them undivided attention while vetting them. Sounds like you’re the latter, and should also search for someone else with the same dating style. You need to communicate this with your next date
If you are ok with her dating multiple people then you have to accept this.
If you aren’t, this is where you stop seeing her.
She didn’t do anything wrong but it doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
I wouldn’t be ok with it.
Please don’t continue to date her if you want to date her exclusively and she doesn’t feel the same way as you’ll just get hurt.
You’re in the dating phase. You’ve only been on 2 dates. This is completely normal. You’re free to date other people too, and frankly you should, especially if you’re 32 and “new to dating”. Get out there and meet more people. Don’t obsess over just one.
Edit: Going through this guy’s comment history is wild. Misogyny, petty arguments, emasculating other guys, gay jokes… doesn’t surprise me that you haven’t had many dates. If the ladies saw how you act online they would be turned off. Sounds like she’ll be better off with the other guy. Genuine advice – get out from behind the keyboard and experience the real world.
Bro you had two dates, slow down. You hardly know her.
Two dates? You’re only two dates in. This could even be with a single friend that didn’t want to be alone for Valentine’s Day and she committed to it. My husband died and my best friend scooped me up the first Valentine’s Day without him so that I wouldn’t be alone.
You can do what you want.
This would be a hard no for me.
She did nothing wrong.
But I still would say it to myself and move on
Honestly things like this are why I don’t care for modern dating. I understand logically that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what she’s doing here but emotionally I don’t like the norm of seeing more than one person at once.
Here is a woman’s perspective on this one…. Dating in my early 30’s I found a LOT of men just expected us to be exclusive basically off the bat and I found that frustrating and presumptuous. A woman that age probably knows exactly what she is looking for and that it takes more than 2 dates to know if someone has it. Approach her with confidence and keep dating, if you two are the most compatible and you have a connection the other dates will just slowly disappear
This is what dating is.
If you are not exclusive, this is all ok. Sometimes it is the second or third date when you realize it is not a fit. When people are in the mode to find a partner, they tend to throw a wide net.
Are you sure that it is a date date and not a group hang or girlfriend thing?
Just because you’ve gone on a couple dates doesnt make her your girlfriend. You need to ask her
Dude, you’re a homophobic asshole who waved off the subreddit when women refuse, if she has any sense she’ll decide on the other guy. Holy fucking misogyny in your comments. Fix yourself, get over your disgusting attitudes, and do not approach women until you learn to treat them like human beings, Jesus WEPT you have issues.
If you’re uncomfortable, then move on.
Many people date multiple people at a time if it’s just casual. If you’re okay with casually dating and getting to know her, then continue on with her.
Dating on the apps is weird because most people are talking to multiple potential dates at once. It’s understandable to see her have dates set up with multiple men. It kind of speeds up the process of meeting a longer term partner.