There’s a mystery when it comes to why some people are social, outgoing, confident, and can freely express themselves… and why some people are shy, reserved, quiet, unconfident in themselves, or struggle to make deep connections.
If you’re someone who has resigned to the idea of making more friends, or you don’t really want to put in the work to improve your social life, then this post is not for you.
However, if you’re someone who likes to be around other human beings, you WANT to interact with them, have a good time with friends and make meaningful connections; and most importantly, you want to make people HAPPY, and you want to HELP people and contribute to their lives…
…but you feel like you’re awkward, or you don’t have anything to offer, or you don’t really know how to get past the small talk and really connect on a deeper level…
If you’re one of these people, then I want to break this myth people have about their social skills once and for all; the big mystery about our abilities to be truly social and confident.
Most people have this idea that someone just IS a certain way. Almost like they were BORN outgoing, or BORN more quiet and reserved. They’ll say things like: “I’m just a quiet person,” or “that’s just not really me,” as if their identity was set in stone because they were CREATED that way.
But the truth is, you’ve LEARNED to be a quiet person. You’ve LEARNED to be reserved. And someone who is outgoing LEARNED to be outgoing. We just LEARNED these things at a very young age. Often, without even KNOWING this learning was taking place at all.
And yeah.…maybe it seems unfair. Just like it’s unfair that some kids grow up learning two languages from their parents, while the rest of us weren’t so lucky. They didn’t have to necessarily work for it, they just happened to grow up in an environment where their parents spoke two different languages…
And for everyone else that wants to be bilingual? They have to put in the work. They have to study. They have to find a teacher. They have to practice. They have to IMMERSE themselves.
This is EXACTLY the same with your social skills.
Yes, your upbringing has shaped it; and yes, you’ve had traumatic experiences that have shut you off from people and make it very difficult and scary to open up… you’ve experienced past failures that make rejection very painful…
…but it didn’t have anything to do with the way you were born or the structure of your DNA. You just happened to LEARN certain skills and to behave in particular ways.
So think about it… if you wanted to travel to, say, Italy (maybe you wanted to live there!), and you really wanted to learn to speak Italian; but you weren’t one of the lucky kids who was born with Italian-speaking parents… do you just give up?
“That’s not me. I’m one of those non-Italian speaking people. That’s just the way I am.”
No! That’s ridiculous! You just have to LEARN.
So, what do you see here? You don’t have to just settle for being the quiet, reserved, awkward person that you feel you are. You just have to learn that “second language,” learn that new way of being: the SKILL of being social and confident!
The good news? It can be much easier than learning a second language if you do it right.
So if you want to overcome these problems, be more social, and NOT be stuck the way you’ve learned to be, then let’s continue this conversation. Comment with what specifically you’d like to learn how to do to transform your social life (or of course feel free to message me if it’s too personal).
12 comments
Analysis paralysis will ruin many opportunities.
You don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.
This is what people need to hear! Wonderful post, OP!
No, a lot of people have social anxiety and trying to have a conversation releases their flight/fight/freeze response.
Step 1 write this post and hope it gets upvoted.
Step 2 offer a program with “secret” information “never revealed before” information for the low introductory price.
Same reason most people never work on their tiger fighting skills. The fear of the pain of failure.
I actually think it’s generally extremely difficult, and impossible for some to improve much. They can improve a bit, but everyone’s actions/reactions/behaviors are rooted in their personality. Once they are adults, it’s largely immutable. I know this because I get burned by the same things over and over, I analyze my mistakes throughout the years and I have come to the interesting realization that they were literally the same mistakes, but in different circumstances. I keep on repeating the same thing over and over, and my conclusion is that my personality has a disposition toward acting that way and producing the same results. No matter how aware we are, how much we try to do something different, a large part of how we act is just not changeable.
Does anybody know of any class that can improve my communication skills I am aspiring to be more social and right now I di t have friends to hang out with ok only associates met thru my job, I started the gym and I do some yt personal spiritual videos.
I don’t believe that I’m 1%, just don’t give up bro. You will make it someday. I believe that most people are improving, but their results aren’t as huge as they thought. Give yourself time, it’s all you can do.
> “That’s not me. I’m one of those non-Italian speaking people. That’s just the way I am.”
What if someone just wants be a non-Italian speaking person?
My god thank you
Mom said it was my turn to post this
Thanks bro I will look it up