Over time, I have realized my boyfriend and I are both low libido. We have been together over 6 years, and do not have sex very frequently. We had a lot of sex at the beginning of our relationship, but it levelled out to about once every two weeks-ish (usually some oral or hj’s/clit stimulation in between as well) However, we are both happy with it. We express sexual desire for each other on a daily basis and are very intimate, sometimes I feel like I fall in love with him all over again and just wanna rip all his clothes off and fuck him on the spot… yet I’m okay with infrequent sex! And I check in with him frequently to make sure he’s okay with it as well. (inb4 “mans is probably starving!!”)
However, I’m always reading stuff about how infrequent sex is bad for relationships… I know that sexual compatibility is what’s really important….but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the comments on reddit about how infrequent sex = dead relationship. Even though I know it can’t be further from the truth in my case.
I think it comes down to how we make sure to stay intimate on a daily basis. Eroticism is more important to a relationship than just plain *sex*. That’s my hot take.
Thoughts? Can anyone relate?
5 comments
I think what matters is that you have whatever intimacy it takes for you to both feel connected as romantic partners. I don’t think there’s any specific frequency necessary for sex as long as you’re doing something on a regular basis that shows that you have a special relationship that’s different than other kinds of relationships (like platonic friends or roommates).
Matching libidos I think is the ideal situation – regardless of whether they are high, low, or somewhere in between. It’s when there’s a significant mismatch that there’s trouble. It sounds like things are good for you. Congratulations! You are better off than a lot of people.
Mutuality > frequency. As long as both of you feel like your needs for intimacy are being adequately met, that’s what’s important.
In that respect, doesn’t matter if a couple is both lol libido or high libido, or whatever in between, so long as there is a compatibility-based and mutuality between the two of you.
Find what works for YOU. Not other people on Reddit or what everyone is saying. It sounds like you are in a very healthy relationship to me.
As long as you are both happy with the frequency, that’s all that should matter in regards to sex life.
If you’re both happy, why worry? I would not compare yourselves to anyone.