I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now, and everything has gone really well thus far. He’s kind, caring, attentive, listens to me, funny. Seems really emotionally receptive, understanding and open, but also very rational and levelheaded so he calms me down a lot. So far, majority of our more emotionally heavy conversations have gone really well and I feel very safe opening up to him. I don’t think he’s manipulative at all or trying to trick me into an abusive cycle by love bombing (I’ve had this before and he feels very different).
However, in the last week, I found out my dad has cancer. Very early stages and we’re still going for scans to find out what exactly is happening, but understandably I’ve been very upset. I’ve cried to him lots and he’s comforted me lots and its been fine for the most part. I’ve been regularly seeing a therapist for over 2 years now and I was open about why and that I have GAD and had suffered with depression in the past. However, when speaking to him about how disappointed I was to be this depressed again after being so happy and settled for the last 4/5 months of my life, he told me he thought I had BPD and was experiencing manic/depressive episodes. I initially got quite irritated by this and explained that I very much understand what mental illnesses I suffer from and that if I had that disorder my therapist most likely would have brought it up ages ago. I asked him not to diagnose me when he isn’t professional and its just inappropriate.
It then happened again when I last saw him, because he did something (not serious) that triggered memories from a past abusive relationship and he noticed that my automatic reaction was to become quiet and withdrawn and to pour myself a glass of wine. I’ve said to him that I want him to not order as much alcohol when we go out because I don’t want to deal with my dad’s news by drinking copious amounts. I guess using that he said that I had alcohol issues and was an alcoholic because of the glass of wine and that he wished I’d find an alternative coping mechanism for when I get triggered.
This probably isn’t that serious, but I want to talk to him about why he feels the need to constantly insinuate that my behaviour is disordered when it just isn’t. This comes after he brags about regularly binge drinking and ordering around 3 or 4 bottles of wine on a night out just for himself. I’ve said I was worried about getting into the habit of binge drinking to this extent and now I feel like he’s just trying to flip it back on to me. Is this a non-issue or should I address it with him?
6 comments
so many red flags here.
Tell him to stop. His opinion is meaningless. Its not a “diagnoses” its an opinion. He doesn’t have the credentials to “diagnose” anyone. So he can keep his mouth shut.
(I mean, if he continues you can diagnose him as an alcohol. Who projects his issues onto other people, because he can’t deal with his own issues…) 💅
Misdiagnosis can be more harmful than no diagnosis, and he’s not even diagnosing you, he’s just giving an opinion (which he should keep to himself). Be blunt, tell him you’re refusing to listen to his talks on mental health until he gets certified
Dump him. He has no right to diagnose you. That is your therapist’s job. Ask your therapist for their opinion of his diagnosis. They will tell you the same thing
You’ve only been with this person for TWO MONTHS.
He is “armchair diagnosing” you to try and control you while you are vulnerable about your Dad.
Step away, OP. This is not the right person for you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 However as a nonprofessional myself, just a person who has some of my own MIs have you ever dealt with PTSD? I have and the triggers are real